More problems were occurring to me. A thousand full-to-bursting water bombs would be heavy and take up a lot of room.
‘Could we do it at school?’ said Fifty.
‘We could . . . but where? The water fountain’s no good and I don’t fancy doing it in the loo.’ I made a face designed to mimic the idea of spending an hour in the not-that-clean bogs.
‘We could use the art room – that’s got a tap. Let’s ask Mr Morris,’ said Jonno.
Mr Morris likes us because Jonno showed him the stag beetle that lives under the trees where we hang out.
‘Off you go then, Jonno,’ said Fifty.
‘OK.’
Jonno went, leaving us to discuss targets. Top of the list were: Callum (number one enemy of Tribe), Jamie (Callum’s shadow), Miss Walsh and Flo (she got my vote).
‘Somebody absolutely has to bomb the Head,’ said Fifty.
Well, it won’t be me, I thought. I’d get caught (or miss completely more like). As usual, Copper Pie thought differently. ‘Sounds like a job for me. I could use my catapult to lob the bomb. More speed, better aim and I could be further away – less chance of getting caught.’
I could see there was going to be trouble at the fair.
‘Do you think we should go over to Bee’s after school?’ said Fifty.
‘I can’t,’ I said. I could, but I didn’t want to. I’m no good at the soppy stuff. I mean, what do I know about dads leaving home?
‘Me neither,’ said Copper Pie.
‘Looks like it’s only me then,’ said Fifty.
‘Let us know what’s going on,’ said Copper Pie.
I wasn’t that bothered. It’s not like her mum and dad were splitting up. It seemed simple to me. Patrick and the other twin (I can’t remember his name. I’ve only seen him about twice, and even then he might have been the other one as they both look the same) should move out and it would be fine again. Better, in fact, because of all the things Bee said about washing and money and telly.
At home I got on with buying the water bombs. I found a better site, selling a hundred for 99p. Billy bargain! All I needed was credit card details so I got Dad. He finishes early on Friday.
‘What’s this about then?’
He never knows what’s going on. One of us could leave home and he wouldn’t notice for a week. He’s always away somewhere doing something that nobody knows about (or wants to). I don’t mind because when he is here he hangs round with me, which Mum never does. Our family is sort of divided. Mum and Amy (my big sister) and Flo (my little sister) go and watch girly films and Dad and I watch action movies. They go shopping and we go off for the day, surfing (or skimboarding if there’s no swell). It’s great because there’s a long car journey – we listen to music, eat snacks we buy from the garage, and chat – and then we get changed into our wetsuits, and we stay in the sea till we’re blue and can’t grip the leash. Then it’s time for hot grub at the café on the beach and a hot chocolate. I fall asleep on the way home every time.
Dad’s asked me loads of times if I want to take someone but I like being with him on my own, although I might invite Jonno one day. Fifty’s too puny and Copper Pie can’t swim very well and Bee’s a girl . . .
‘Dad, what’s going on is that we’re having a stall at the fair.’
‘Great. You haven’t done that before, have you?’
‘You’re only allowed one in Year 6.’
‘That explains it,’ said Dad with a wink. ‘And what’s yours?’
‘Water bombs.’
‘Guaranteed to sell out,’ he said. ‘Top idea.’
‘And a “Bring and Buy”.’
‘Like the W. I.?’
I explained Bee’s swap stall.
‘All sounds good to me. Except it’s not really “Bring and Buy” if you don’t buy. It’s more like “Give and Take”.’
‘Whatever. But I need you to do some buying.’
Dad tapped in all his card details and asked for next-day delivery, which isn’t actually next day.
‘If you order before twelve noon you get the parcel the next day but after that it becomes the day after the next day.’
‘Shouldn’t it be called day-after-tomorrow delivery then?’ I asked.
‘I can’t be bothered to answer that,’ said Dad.
He always says that when I make a picky point. He says I’m pedantic. I thought that meant I had feet with toes, which I do, but it doesn’t. It means I like things to be correct.
We all went out for supper, and Amy’s spotty boyfriend came too. I didn’t say anything to him. He talked to Dad about rugby, which I hate. I told Mum about Bee’s dad. She looked really shocked and said I should have told her before, so she could ring and see how things were. I was starting to get the idea that perhaps it was more serious than I thought.
a week to go
THE BREAKFAST MENU
KEENER: Crispy bacon in two slices of crusty white bread in front of the computer.
AMY: Wholemeal bread, spread with Marmite, dipped in egg and fried. On a tray because teenagers can’t get up!
FLO: Fried egg and potato waffles in front of the telly.
MUM: A pot of tea in bed.
DAD: Fried egg, bacon, beans and toast, reading the paper.
Saturday mornings are good. Dad does the breakfast. It takes ages and we all get different food at different times delivered to different places. We stay in pyjamas until he suddenly realises we’re going to be late and then there’s a mad rush to get ready for swimming (me) and ballet (Flo). Amy and Mum have a lie-in.
On the way to the pool I texted Copper Pie to see if he wanted to meet up later in the park.
The reply said: COME OVERHEER.
I hadn’t been to his for a while. He’d rather come to mine and I’d rather not go to his. His mum shouts at him. And doesn’t talk to me, unless I’m in the way.
Copper Pie was kicking a ball against his garage door. It was so loud I could hear it before I turned into his street. I joined in.
‘I’ve got to look after Charlie. Mum’s going to the supermarket,’ he said. I wouldn’t leave Charlie with him. He’s hardly babysitter material.
‘In here, you two!’ Copper Pie’s mum shouted from the kitchen. We went straight in. Some people have to be obeyed.
‘Charlie’s having his nap. I need you to stay in the house while I do the shopping and when I come back you can have a bag of crisps each. If he wakes up, go and get him and be nice until I get back. If Dad gets back before I do you can go to the park. Understood?’
I nodded.
‘Yes, Mum.’
She was gone. See, she doesn’t bother with ‘Hello, how are you?’ It’s all instructions.
‘Where’s your dad then?’
‘Gone out with Bee’s dad.’
‘So you’ve seen Bee’s dad then?’
‘Nope.