A Smart Girl's Guide to Parties. Apryl Lundsten

and when you’re at a friend’s house, you have to follow her family’s rules. But some rules should go without saying:

      • Be polite and courteous.

      • Don’t go through other people’s belongings, such as in closets,

      drawers, or medicine cabinets.

      • Use appropriate language.

      • Ask permission before you use the phone, stereo, television, or

      computer or get food or beverages from the refrigerator.

      • Stay at the party—don’t leave without an adult’s permission.

      • Clean up after yourself.

      Dealing with rule breakers What should you do if you’re at a party where girls are breaking the rules? Maybe they’re acting wild, using the phone to make prank calls, or watching a movie they’re not supposed to watch. Whatever is happening, the situation is tricky, and it can be difficult to know what to do—especially if most or all of the girls are going along with the mischief, or if it’s the hostess who’s causing the trouble.

      • Don’t go along with the rule breakers. Joining in isn’t going to

      make the troublemaking right.

      • Try to change the focus. Suggest a different activity you know

      in a lighthearted and casual way: “Who wants to play a game

      instead?” If they all say no, consider doing something on your

      own such as reading a magazine or listening to music.

      • Speak up. Let them know you’re not comfortable with what’s

      going on.

      • If the others are doing something dangerous, tell an adult. It’s

      only tattling if you’re trying to get someone into trouble instead

      of out of trouble.

      Girl gab Parties are great for gabbing, but when the talk is about people not at the party, that’s gossiping. We’ve all been in situations where someone has made comments that put another person down. It’s hard to stop people from saying mean things about others, but you can try, by bringing up the positive things about that person or simply changing the subject. It’s OK to say:

      I don’t want to talk about Anna. She’s my friend, just like you. I wouldn’t let other people talk about you that way.

      If you and the other partygoers share secrets about yourselves, watch what you share. If you don’t want anyone outside the party to ever know, it’s best to just keep your lips sealed.

      Say what? Speaking up and joining the conversation is important, but avoid being the attention hog. You should feel comfortable offering your opinions, telling jokes and stories, and revealing your feelings. Just try not to take over the conversation. Let other people talk, and don’t steal away attention from the hostess.

      Remember that a nice compliment goes a long way. Tell some fun and flattering stories about the hostess, such as how she won the school spelling bee or scored the final point in basketball. Use your gift for gab to celebrate your hostess, which at the same time allows you to still be your outgoing, talkative self.

      Keep in mind how loudly you’re talking or laughing. Turn the volume down a notch. You don’t have to shout or scream to be heard.

      party cliques

      Cliques (pronounced “clicks”) are groups of people who are tightknit and seem closed off from everyone but themselves. If you go to a party where many of the guests are part of a clique, it might be hard to be a great guest if you feel left out of conversations or activities. Here are some tips about how to deal with cliques:

      • Don’t let a clique’s bad attitude affect you. It’s usually not really

      about you, but about them feeling powerful and better than you.

      • Don’t put on an act to try to impress anyone. There’s no need to

      pretend to be something you’re not or go along with the crowd’s

      opinion if you really disagree.

      • Pal up with other guests at the party who aren’t part of the

      clique. If you don’t know them, introduce yourself.

      • Don’t keep to yourself or say nothing at all just because you’re

      worried what the girls in the clique might think of you. It’s best

      to be yourself.

      If you’re the only one at the party who isn’t part of the clique and are stuck standing alone, offer to help out the hostess or her parents with anything that needs to be done for the party. Lending a hand will keep you busy and make you feel useful.

      oops!

      Oh, no! You dropped salsa down the front of your sweater. Comfort yourself by keeping in mind that we’re all human and “oops” moments happen to everyone.

      Oops: You blurted out something you wished you hadn’t said. Quick fix: Sometimes our mouths seem to move without checking with our brains first. Just apologize. “I can’t believe I just said that! I’m really sorry!”

      Oops: You spilled something all over the chair or on another guest. Quick fix: For the furniture, immediately tell the hostess’s parents. Don’t try to clean up the mess yourself (the stain may require a special cleaning solution), and don’t try to pretend it didn’t happen by covering it up with a napkin. If you spill on someone else, apologize and get a napkin or paper towel right away.

      Oops: You tripped in front of everyone and fell flat on your face. Quick fix: As long as you’re not badly hurt, make a joke of your mistake. Jump up and dust yourself off, take a bow, pretend you’re winning an Olympic medal, or finish the “stunt” with a twirl. Or simply say, “I meant to do that!” Then laugh it off.