Chapter 5
The First Step Must Be Purifying the Soul
“The flowers appear on the earth” (Song 2:12), says the heavenly bridegroom, and the time for pruning and cutting has come. And what, my child, are our hearts’ flowers but our good desires? Now, as soon as these begin to appear, we need the pruning hook to cut off all dead and superfluous works from our conscience.
When the daughter of a strange land was about to espouse an Israelite, the law commanded her to put off the garment of her captivity, to pare her nails, and to shave her head (Dt 21:12); even so, the soul which aims at the dignity of becoming the spouse of Christ must put off the old man, and put on the new man, forsaking sin. Moreover, it must pare and shave away every impediment which can hinder the love of God. The very first step toward spiritual health is to be purged from our sinful inclinations. Saint Paul received perfect purification instantaneously, and a similar grace was granted to Saint Mary Magdalene, Saint Catherine of Genoa, Saint Pelagia, and some others, but this kind of purgation is miraculous and extraordinary, just as the resurrection of the dead is in nature, and we should not dare to venture to aspire to it. The ordinary purification, whether of body or soul, is only accomplished by slow degrees, step by step, gradually and painfully.
The angels on Jacob’s ladder had wings, yet they did not fly, but went in due order up and down the steps of the ladder. The soul which rises out of sin to a devout life has been compared to the dawn, which does not banish darkness suddenly, but by degrees. That cure which is brought about gradually is always the surest, and spiritual maladies, like those of the body, usually come on horseback and express, while they depart slowly and on foot. So we must be brave and patient, my daughter, in this undertaking. It is sad to see souls beginning to chafe and grow disheartened because they find themselves still subject to imperfection after having made some attempt at leading a devout life, and are close to yielding to the temptation to give up in despair and fall back. But, on the other hand, there is an extreme danger surrounding those souls who, through the opposite temptation, are disposed to imagine themselves purified from all imperfection at the very outset of their purgation, who count themselves as full-grown almost before they are born and seek to fly before they have wings. Be sure, daughter, that these are in great danger of a relapse through having left their physician too soon. “It is but lost labor to rise up early and late take rest,” unless the Lord prospers all we do.
The work of the soul’s purification cannot and should not end until life itself does. So do not let us be disheartened by our imperfections — our very perfection lies in diligently contending against them, and it is impossible to do so without seeing them, or to overcome without meeting them face-to-face. Our victory does not consist in being unaware of our imperfections, but in not consenting to them. Now to be afflicted by our imperfections is certainly not to consent to them, and for growth in humility it is necessary that we sometimes find ourselves defeated in this spiritual battle. We shall never be conquered, however, until we lose either life or courage. Moreover, imperfections and venial sins cannot destroy our spiritual life, which can only be lost through mortal sin; consequently, we have only to watch well that they do not imperil our courage. David continually asks the Lord to strengthen his heart against cowardice and discouragement, and it is our privilege in this war that we are certain to vanquish as long as we are willing to fight.
Chapter 6
The First Purification, Namely, from Mortal Sin
The first purification to be made is from sin, and the means by which to make it is the Sacrament of Penance. Seek the best confessor within your reach and use one of the many little books written in order to help with your examination of conscience. Read some such book carefully, examining point by point where you have sinned, from the first use of your reason to the present time. And if you do not trust your memory, write down the result of your examination. Having thus sought out the evil spots in your conscience, strive to detest them and to reject them with the greatest abhorrence and contrition of which your heart is capable, bearing in mind these four things: by sin you have lost God’s grace, rejected your share in Paradise, accepted the pains of hell, and renounced God’s eternal love.
You see, my child, that I am now speaking of a general confession of your whole life, which, while I grant that it is not always necessary, yet I believe will be found most helpful in the beginning of your pursuit of holiness, and therefore I earnestly advise you to make it. Too often, the ordinary confessions of people leading an everyday life are full of great faults because they make little or no preparation and do not have the necessary contrition. Owing to this deficiency, such people go to confession with a tacit intention of returning to their old sins, for they will not avoid the occasions of sin or take the necessary measures to amend their lives, and in all such cases a general confession is required to steady and fix the soul. Furthermore, a general confession forces us to a clearer self-knowledge, kindles a wholesome shame for our past life, and rouses gratitude for God’s mercy, which has so long waited patiently for us. It comforts the heart, refreshes the spirit, excites good resolutions, gives our spiritual father the opportunity to give the most suitable advice, and opens our hearts so as to make future confessions more effective. Therefore, I cannot enter into the subject of a general change of life and entire turning to God by means of a devout life, without urging you to begin with a general confession.
Chapter 7
The Second Purification, from All Sinful Affections
All the children of Israel went forth from the land of Egypt, but not all went forth heartily. So, when wandering in the desert, some of them sighed after the leeks and onions and the fleshpots of Egypt. In the same way, there are penitents who forsake sin, yet without forsaking their sinful affections; that is to say, they intend to sin no more, but it goes sorely against them to abstain from the pleasures of sin. They formally renounce and forsake sinful acts, but they turn back many a fond, lingering look to what they have left, like Lot’s wife as she fled from Sodom. They are like a sick man who abstains from eating melon when the doctor says it would kill him, but who all the while longs for it, talks about it, bargains when he may have it, would like just to sniff the perfume, and thinks those who are free to eat of it very fortunate. These weak, cowardly penitents abstain awhile from sin, but reluctantly; they would like to be able to sin without incurring damnation. They talk with a lingering taste of their sinful deeds, and envy those who are still indulging in the same sins. Thus, a man who has meditated some revenge gives it up in confession, but soon after he is to be found talking about the quarrel, stating that but for the fear of God he would do this or that, and complaining that it is hard to keep the divine rule of forgiveness; would to God it were lawful to avenge oneself! Who can fail to see that even if this poor man is not actually committing sin, he is altogether bound by affection for it, and although he may have come out of Egypt, he still hungers after it, and longs for the leeks and onions he used to feed upon there! It is the same with the woman who, though she has given up her life of sin, still takes delight in being sought after and admired. Alas! of a truth, all such are in great peril.
Be sure, my daughter, that if you seek to lead a devout life, you must not merely forsake sin; you must further cleanse your heart from all affections pertaining to sin. For, to say nothing of the danger of a relapse, these wretched affections will perpetually enfeeble your mind, and clog it, so that you will be unable to be diligent, ready, and frequent in good works, wherein nevertheless lies the very essence of all true devotion. Souls which, in spite of having forsaken sin, yet retain such likings and longings, remind us of those persons who, without being actually ill, are pale and sickly, languid in all they do, eating without appetite, sleeping without refreshment, laughing without mirth, dragging themselves about rather than walking briskly. Such souls as I have described lose all the grace of their good deeds, which are probably few and feeble, through their spiritual languor.
Chapter 8