19. You may think, that if it is so very injurious to desist, it would have been better never to have begun, and to have remained outside the castle. But, as I began by saying, and as God himself declares: “Whoever loves danger will perish by it” (Sir 3:26), and the door by which we must enter this castle is prayer. Remember, we must get to heaven, and it would be madness to think we could do so without sometimes retiring into our souls so as to know ourselves, or thinking of our failings and of what we owe to God, or frequently imploring His mercy. Our Lord also says, “No one comes to the Father, but by me” (Jn 14:6). (I am not sure whether this quotation is correct, but I think so), and, “He who has seen me has seen the Father” (Jn 14:9).
20. If we never look up at Him and reflect on what we owe Him for having died for us, I do not understand how we can know Him, or perform good deeds in His service. What value is there in faith without works? and what are they worth if they are not united to the merits of Jesus Christ, our only good? What would incite us to love our Lord unless we thought of Him? May He give us grace to understand how much we cost Him; that “a servant [is not] above his master” (Mt 10:24); that we must toil for Him if we would enjoy His glory; and prayer is a necessity to prevent us from constantly falling into temptation (Mt 26:41).
The Third Mansions
Chapter I
Treats of the insecurity of life in this exile, however high we may be raised, and of how we must always walk in fear. Contains some good points.
1. Souls in the third mansions
2. Insecurity of this life
3. Our danger of falling from grace
4. Saint Teresa bewails her past life
5. Our Lady’s patronage
6. Fear necessary even for religious
7. Saint Teresa’s contrition
8. Characteristics of those in the third mansions
9. The rich young man in the Gospel
10. Reason of dryness in prayer
11. Humility
12. Tepidity
13. We must give all to God
14. Our debt
15. Consolations and spots of dryness
1. As for those who, by the mercy of God, have vanquished in these battles and persevered until they reached the third mansions, what can we say to them but, “Blessed is the man who fears the Lord” (Ps 112:1)? It is no small favor from God that I should be able to translate this verse into Spanish so as to explain its meaning, considering how dense I usually am in such matters. We may well call these souls blessed, for, as far as we can tell, unless they turn back in their course they are on the safe road to salvation. Now, my sisters, you see how important it is for them to conquer in their former struggles, for I am convinced that our Lord will henceforth never cease to keep them in security of conscience, which is no small prize.
2. I am wrong in saying “security,” for there is no security in this life; understand that in such cases I always imply: “If they do not cease to continue as they have begun.” What misery to live in this world! We are like men whose enemies are at the door, who must not lay aside their arms, even while sleeping or eating, and are always in dread lest the foe should enter the fortress by some breach in the walls. O my Lord and my all! How can You wish us to prize such a wretched existence? We could not desist from longing and begging You to take us from it, were it not for the hope of losing it for Your sake or devoting it entirely to Your service — and above all because we know it is Your will that we should live. Since it is so, “Let us die with You!” (cf. Jn 11:16), as Saint Thomas said, for to be away from You is but to die again and again, haunted as we are by the dread of losing You forever!
3. This is why I say, daughters, that we ought to ask our Lord as our prize to grant us one day to dwell in safety with the saints, for with such fears, what pleasure can she enjoy whose only pleasure is to please God? Remember, many saints have felt this as we do, and were even far more fervent, yet fell into grave sin, and we cannot be sure that God would stretch forth His hand to raise us from sin again to do such penance as they performed. This applies to extraordinary grace.17 Truly, my daughters, I feel such terror as I tell you this, that I know not how to write it, nor even how to go on living, when I reflect upon it as I very often do. Beg of His Majesty, my daughters, to abide within me, for otherwise, what security could I feel, after a life so badly spent as mine has been?
4. Do not grieve at knowing this. I have often seen you troubled when I spoke about it, for you wish that my past had been a very holy one, in which you are right — indeed, I wish the same myself. But what can be done, now that I have wasted it entirely through my own fault? I have no right to complain that God withheld the aid I needed to fulfill your wishes. It is impossible for me to write this without tears and great shame, when I see that I am explaining these matters to those capable of teaching me. What a hard task has obedience laid, upon me! God grant that, as I do it for Him, it may be of some service to you; therefore beg Him to pardon me for my miserable presumption.
5. His Majesty knows that I have nothing to rely upon but His mercy; as I cannot cancel the past, I have no other remedy but to flee to Him, and to confide in the merits of His Son and of His Virgin Mother, whose habit, unworthy as I am, I wear as you do also. Praise Him, then, my daughters, for making you truly daughters of our Lady, so that you need not blush for my wickedness as you have such a good Mother. Imitate her; think how great she must be and what a blessing it is for you to have her for a patroness, since my sins and evil character have brought no tarnish on the luster of our holy Order.
6. Still I must give you one warning: be not too confident because you are nuns and the daughters of such a Mother. David was very holy, yet you know what Solomon became.18 Therefore do not rely on your enclosure, on your penitential life, nor on your continual exercise of prayer and constant communion with God, nor trust in having left the world or in the idea that you hold its ways in horror. All this is good, but is not enough, as I have already said, to remove all fear; therefore meditate on this text and often recall it: “Blessed is the man who fears the Lord” (Ps 112:1).
7. I do not recollect what I was saying, and have digressed very much: for when I think of myself my mind cannot soar to higher things but is like a bird with broken wings; so I will leave this subject for the present.
8. To return to what I began to explain about the souls which have entered the third mansions. God has shown them no small favor, but a very great one, in enabling them to pass through the first difficulties. Thanks to His mercy I believe there are many such people in the world: they are very desirous not to offend His Majesty even by venial sins, they love penance and spend hours in meditation, they employ their time well, exercise themselves in works of charity to their neighbors, are well-ordered in their conversation and dress, and those who own a household govern it well. This is certainly to be desired, and there appears no reason to forbid their entrance to the last mansions; nor will our Lord deny it them if they desire it, for this is the right disposition for receiving all His favors.
9. O Jesus! can anyone declare that he does not desire this great blessing, especially after he has passed through the chief difficulties? No; no one can! We all say we desire it, but there is need of more than that for the Lord to possess entire dominion over the soul. It is not enough to say so, anymore than it was enough for the young man when our Lord told him what