There will be no restraint powerful enough to keep it within the bounds marked out…. The eagerness for divorce, daily spreading by devious ways, will seize upon the minds of many like a virulent contagious disease, or like a flood of water bursting through every barrier.… So soon as the road to divorce began to be made smooth by law, at once quarrels, jealousies, and judicial separations largely increased; and such shamelessness of life followed that men who had been in favor of these divorces repented of what they had done, and feared that, if they did not carefully seek a remedy by repealing the law, the State itself might come to ruin.46
Continuing to reflect on the harmfulness of divorce, Pope Leo highlighted its often-forgotten victims: the children. He also underscored the need to protect the “dignity of womanhood,”47 which through divorce is frequently compromised. In the world of divorce, women are at risk of being used for the personal pleasures of men and then left behind to fend for themselves, frequently with a child or more in tow. Hence, from the question “What did God intend?” we must move on to ask, when we don’t follow God’s plan, “What are the consequences?”
What Are the Consequences?
Pope Leo wrote prophetically of the harsh consequences and raw pain for all involved when we deviate from the plan of God as it pertains to marriage. He recognized that there is no end to the painful ramifications of divorce:
Truly, it is hardly possible to describe how great are the evils that flow from divorce. Matrimonial contracts are by it made variable; mutual kindness is weakened; deplorable inducements to unfaithfulness are supplied; harm is done to the education and training of children; occasion is afforded for the breaking up of homes; the seeds of dissension are sown among families; the dignity of womanhood is lessened and brought low, and women run the risk of being deserted after having ministered to the pleasures of men. Since, then, nothing has such power to lay waste families and destroy the mainstay of kingdoms as the corruption of morals, it is easily seen that divorces are in the highest degree hostile to the prosperity of families and States, springing as they do from the depraved morals of the people, and, as experience shows us, opening a way to every kind of evil-doing in public and in private life.48
As Pope Leo correctly predicted, one of the consequences of the disillusionment caused by the breakup of the family was cohabitation. Rather than commit to one another for a lifetime, couples choose to live together for as long as it lasts. For this reason, the pope commended to his brother bishops and priests “those unhappy persons who, carried away by the heat of passion, and being utterly indifferent to their salvation, live wickedly together without the bond of lawful marriage.”49
As for those couples who are struggling in their marriages, and who are seriously contemplating separation? In a post-Christian world such as ours, Pope Leo’s advice may seem rather simplistic. It may even offend our modern sensibilities. Even so, his counsel was to rely on faith in the Lord, the One who never disappoints, trusting in the words of Saint Paul in his Letter to the Romans: “We know that in everything God works for good [for] those who love him” (8:28). The pope wrote:
To sum up all in a few words, there would be a calm and quiet constancy in marriage if married people would gather strength and life from the virtue of religion alone, which imparts to us resolution and fortitude; for religion would enable them to bear tranquilly and even gladly the trials of their state, such as, for instance, the faults that they discover in one another, the difference of temper and character, the weight of a mother’s cares, the wearing anxiety about the education of children, reverses of fortune, and the sorrows of life.50
The virtue of religion is basically giving God his due. As such it falls under the virtue of justice. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says: “Adoration is the first act of the virtue of religion. To adore God is to acknowledge him as God, as the Creator and Savior, the Lord and Master of everything that exists, as infinite and merciful Love.”51 Without being trite, what Leo is saying here is that instead of looking at one another, married people in difficult situations should shift their gaze to God.
Granted, there are some marriages that appear to be beyond repair. While the Church always encourages healing, forgiveness, and reconciliation, she does allow for such situations: “When, indeed, matters have come to such a pitch that it seems impossible for them to live together any longer, then the Church allows them to live apart, and strives at the same time to soften the evils of this separation by such remedies and helps as are suited to their condition; yet she never ceases to endeavor to bring about a reconciliation, and never despairs of doing so.”52
While Pope Leo did not address them in this letter, there are some serious situations that can call into question the validity of a sacramental marriage, even if the couple was married in the Catholic Church by a priest or a deacon. In some cases, a supposed valid marriage may be, in fact, invalid for some serious reason. If a major impediment — for example, mental illness; sexual abuse; trauma; addiction to drugs, alcohol, or sex; etc. — was present at the time of the wedding, then the sacramental marriage may be invalid. In circumstances such as this, one or both spouses may start the process to obtain a declaration of nullity, commonly referred to as an annulment. An annulment is not a Catholic divorce. The annulment process is about determining whether a valid marriage occurred on the wedding day. If it is determined that the marriage was invalid, both parties are free to marry again, as if for the first time.
We cannot overlook the important fact that sacramental marriage is good for both the state and all of society. The Church is not the enemy; she is the best friend of the civil power and the guardian of civil society:53
Marriage also can do much for the good of families, for, so long as it is conformable to nature and in accordance with the counsels of God, it has power to strengthen union of heart in the parents; to secure the holy education of children; to temper the authority of the father by the example of the divine authority; to render children obedient to their parents and servants obedient to their masters. From such marriages as these, the State may rightly expect a race of citizens animated by a good spirit and filled with reverence and love for God, recognizing it their duty to obey those who rule justly and lawfully, to love all, and to injure no one.54
In concluding this heartfelt letter, Pope Leo offered some additional fatherly advice. Again, his words may fly in the face of our politically correct culture, but many married couples would attest to the fact that there is wisdom here. Leo wrote:
Care also must be taken [not] to easily enter into marriage with those who are not Catholics; for, when minds do not agree as to the observances of religion, it is scarcely possible to hope for agreement in other things. Other reasons also proving that persons should turn with dread from such marriages are chiefly these: that they give occasion to forbidden association and communion in religious matters; endanger the faith of the Catholic partner; are a hindrance to the proper education of the children; and often lead to a mixing up of truth and falsehood, and to the belief that all religions are equally good.55
This was not meant to be uncharitable. Rather, it came from a place of experience from one who had studied the human condition nearly all his life and took seriously his obligation to pastor the people of God. That being said, “with God all things are possible” (Mt. 19:26). This may be the perfect opportunity for the Catholic spouse to delve deeper into the Faith, and in doing so to fall ever more in love with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, so that when and if the time comes, he will be prepared to defend the hope that is within him with gentleness and reverence.
Pope Leo XIII’s foretelling of the pain and personal destruction that would surely come with relaxed divorce laws was truly prophetic. Today we live in a culture where divorce has become a common tragedy. In his book Defending Marriage, Anthony Esolen captures it all too well:
Whole networks of human relations [have been] torn asunder; husband from wife, parents from children, aunts and uncles from their nieces and nephews … all of that web of meaning and belonging,