When I was growing up, I was pretty lost knowing what I wanted to do when I grew up. I didn’t know how to get a boyfriend, and I was pretty antisocial until high school, where I met a few good people. When I befriended them, they became a part of my support system and life. They were my friends not only because they did support me, but because they taught me how to enjoy life and gave me wonderful experiences to cherish. I learned then that, with friends, it is about quality, not quantity.
My advice for you, mi hija, is that it is okay to ask for help. When I was at my lowest points, I talked to a guidance counselor at school. When there was a problem and I wanted someone to just hear me out, I went to my mom or my best friends. There’s nothing weak about assistance. It does not mean you are a failure. It just means that you are juggling so much and it is starting to go out of hand. Additionally, there will be tests that will stress you out. You might get a score you are not satisfied with. It does not mean you are dumb. It just means you have trouble understanding something. So figure out a way to understand. Never let anyone or anything determine how much potential you have. That number you get on your test will not reflect how much effort and hard work you have done.
So always remember the fire that is inside of you. It is there for a reason. Add more fuel to it and do not let anyone put it out. You are going to do big things, baby girl, and if you ever feel hopeless or you feel that you can not take the pressure anymore, Mami is here to support you.
With love,
Your mother and number-one fan
What I Wish My Younger Self Knew
Hindsight really is 20/20.
When I was a teenager, I worried about everything. The way I looked, my grades, my friends, my clothes, whether or not anybody could see the pimple beneath my bangs. I went to the restroom between each class at school, smoothing my hair with a small comb from my back pocket and reapplying Vaseline to my lips. Like most teenagers, I wanted to fit in.
I wish I had known how much cooler it is to stand out! The kids who stood out had way more fun than I did. By not letting other people’s opinions guide their decision-making, they ended up doing more of what they really wanted to do. I didn’t understand how important that was for a long time.
As far as I know, the life you’re living right now is the only one you get. Why let someone else call the shots? This is a lesson I learned well in adulthood. But, boy, do I wish I’d have realized it sooner.
BERNA DA’COSTA
YEARS AS MENTEE: 2
GRADE: Junior
HIGH SCHOOL: Stuyvesant High School
BORN: Goa, India
LIVES: Bronx, NY
MENTEE’S ANECDOTE: The end of last year was brutal to me; I was dragging myself out of it in pieces. I stopped writing for a long time, I stopped reading, I stopped going to Girls Write Now workshops, and I stopped meeting my mentor, wonderful, wonderful Jamie. Not everything has subsided completely yet, but I push through each week and wait to sit at the little mint-green booth stuffed into the corner of Financier Patisserie, eat too many hazelnut macarons, freak out about rain sometimes, and write with Jamie.
JAMIE SERLIN
YEARS AS MENTOR: 2
OCCUPATION: Director, West Wing Writers, LLC
BORN: Philadelphia, PA
LIVES: Brooklyn, NY
MENTOR’S ANECDOTE: Whether she is writing poetry or prose, memoir or fiction, Berna writes in a voice that is unmistakably her own. She refuses capital letters. She is fond of parentheses. She has the gift all great writers possess—the ability to find meaning, and humor, and wonder in the ordinary, like missing your bus stop and walking the rest of the way home. Reading Berna’s work is like taking a trip inside her head. I feel lucky to peek around inside her world.
I believe that life creates a writer. My life, the people around me, the things I’ve loved, the places I’ve been to, the happy days, the crappy days, have turned me into the type of writer I am. It’s given me my style, my voice.
for a book i will probably never write
p.s. (in the beginning because i never follow the rules when it comes to writing anyway) this is going to be long because i have a lot of people to give my love to. BUT BUT BUT if you’re just a reader and not someone who expects themselves to be included in my acknowledgments, just read the first few sentences. if you’ve already flipped past this page and closed the book . . . you’re not going to see this anyway . . . . . . . . . . . sooo . . . . . . . . . . . . this is awkward for me.