The Diocese of Norwich, in which I work, is typical of many rural dioceses. It has many multi-parish rural benefices where small congregations struggle to survive, while the majority of the population live in urban and suburban parishes. There are some urban priority areas, but we lack the ethnic and cultural diversity of larger cities and conurbations and although many of the issues raised in this book are applicable across a wide variety of parishes, I have not attempted to address specific issues outside my experience.
I write as a lay woman in full-time ministry in the Church of England. I also write from the perspective of a professional background in counselling and social work. As a counsellor, working with clergy and members of their families and employed by the diocese, I share some of the potential hazards of dual relationships (that is, interacting with another person in more than one role). However, I am also aware of the boundaries which protect me from many of the complexities which ministers, particularly those in ordained ministry, have to negotiate on a daily basis. Counselling, as it has developed from the late twentieth century, has an important contribution to make in enabling individuals to find healing from the wounds which damaging childhood experiences or later life events can inflict. However, professional help can never be a substitute for the healing and supportive relationships provided by family, friends and colleagues, nor for the pastoral care which should be an inherent part of the life of a Christian community. Where professional expertise, such as counselling, becomes necessary, it will be far more effective when the person being counselled (whether lay or ordained) is held safely within the network of loving relationships and sustaining pastoral care which the faith community can and should offer.
In my role as a diocesan counsellor I have been sustained and stimulated by the friendship of my colleague Dr Roger Hennessey and by colleagues and friends, who have given encouragement and support over many years and helped to ensure that our work continued. For twenty years I have spent much of my time listening to and supporting clergy and members of their families as they have shared with me the costs and joys of ministry. This has been an enriching experience and a great privilege. I have unbounded respect for their commitment to serve God and to care for others with integrity. This book draws upon their experiences and could not have been written without their courage and honesty in sharing with me the pain and rewards of this calling. I hope their trust will be repaid and that it will be a source of practical support to those who share in pastoral ministry.
Over the years, as I have tried to make sense of complex situations and experiences, I have absorbed and reflected upon ideas from many sources, which have become woven into my thinking. I am grateful for these insights, but take responsibility for any errors of interpretation. I have endeavoured to give due acknowledgement to my sources in the text, but would wish to be informed of any omissions so that these can be made good in any future edition.
Kate Litchfield
Diocese of Norwich
Ash Wednesday 2006
Introduction
Jesus said to Simon Peter, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?’ He said to him, ‘Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Feed my lambs.’ A second time he said to him, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’ He said to him, ‘Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Tend my sheep.’ He said to him the third time, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’ Peter felt hurt because he said to him the third time, ‘Do you love me?’ And he said to him, ‘Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Feed my sheep.’
John 21.15–17
Tend My Flock is a companion and guide for ordained and lay ministers who are seeking to be faithful to their calling and to live well, amid all the complexities and pressures of pastoral ministry in contemporary society. It addresses some of the issues in pastoral ministry which too often remain unspoken. It raises questions and suggests approaches which could be helpful in making sense of complex and confusing situations. It also contains much that is relevant to the experience of spouses and other close relatives of ministers, whose lives are often deeply affected by the minister’s vocation, but who can feel isolated and alone, particularly if they are unfamiliar with the culture of Anglican ministry. I hope it might also be useful to counsellors and therapists working with clergy and their relatives.
Tend My Flock does not attempt to be a comprehensive guide to pastoral care or to provide the last word on the topics explored. Rather it invites dialogue, reflection, honest self-examination and the courage to share struggles and dilemmas with colleagues, friends in ministry and family members. Above all its aim is to enable ministers and those close to them to live their pastoral ministry well. While it is written from an Anglican perspective, with Anglican terminology, most of the issues addressed are common to pastoral ministers of other denominations.
Throughout the Church there is an immense amount of excellent pastoral care provided by ministers, ordained and lay, who, with integrity and sensitivity, communicate God’s love by offering help and support to those who are vulnerable and in need. Much of this pastoral care, which reaches well beyond the faith community, goes unseen and unrecognized.
Ordained pastoral ministry is a particular calling of great privilege and of rich variety and opportunity. It can bring those who minister much fulfilment and joy. Many clergy would not want to be doing anything else. They find it immensely rewarding to be alongside others at crucial times in their journey through life and to share with them the good news of God’s love. They also gain great satisfaction from enabling others to share with them the privilege of pastoral ministry. However, pastoral ministry is a vocation with risks and vulnerabilities for, whatever our calling, we are all frail human beings who make mistakes and sometimes fail. It is also a vocation which can be costly for close relatives and friends of ministers.
Tend My Flock is therefore written with an awareness of both the privilege and the risks involved in pastoral ministry. That is why the story of Peter’s betrayal of his promise to be faithful to Christ, his repentance, forgiveness and commissioning supply the title. We can see in the life and ministry of Peter that it is not our betrayal of Christ that isolates us from each other and separates us from God, but our inability to face up to our betrayals, to learn from them and to allow costly repentance and loving forgiveness to penetrate heart, mind and spirit. We can also see from Christ’s determination to trust Peter again, despite his betrayal, that when we have been let down by others we too may need to take the costly risk of trusting again. This can be hard for ministers, who sometimes get hurt by harshly given criticism and who understandably seek to protect themselves from further hurt. It can also be hard for those to whom they minister, disillusioned at discovering that their ministers are ordinary human beings who fail and get things wrong.
Reading this book may, at times, stir up uncomfortable thoughts and feelings about mistakes and failures in ministry. But it is written with a conviction that it is only when we believe that we are better than we are, deny our weaknesses or isolate ourselves in shame and despair at our betrayals that we place ourselves outside the reach of the healing and redemptive love of God, mediated to us through friends, family, colleagues and those to whom we minister. When we can face ourselves, our mistakes and the damage we have done and seek forgiveness, then redemption is possible for us and for those whom we have hurt. This does not in any way excuse or justify bad or unethical practice, let alone the abuse of those who are vulnerable, but it is recognition that, for anyone engaged in pastoral ministry over any length of time, there will be things we get wrong and things we could have done so much better. One of the paradoxes of ministry is that those ministers who have honestly and in humility faced up to their failures and betrayals, sometimes become the most pastorally