Your anxiety most likely has genetic roots. For example, many people that I treat at my center tend to have a family history of phobias, panic attack struggles, or OCD. The genetic connection can be close and obvious, like a parent, or less direct, like a second aunt or a great grandfather. To put it simply, this means that those with anxious wiring tend to be more prone to potential anxiety issues than those without. However, this propensity for developing an anxiety issue by no means suggests that it’s a foregone conclusion. It just means the table has been set, should you take certain actions to sit down and eat! This is analogous to someone with a genetic predisposition toward alcohol abuse. Even though the pull might be strong, you only become an alcoholic once you abuse alcohol.
Now this might come as a surprise…
Anxiety Is Also an Illusion
Most respond defensively to this construct, at first. They often remark, “But it feels real. Shouldn’t I trust my feelings? Don’t my feelings matter?”
I’m not dismissing how you feel. As a psychologist, I’m willing and able to validate anxious feelings. Just don’t ask me to validate parking! But my validating your anxious feelings only goes as far as offering understanding that you feel the way you do. Again, I’m not dismissing how or what you feel. Struggling with anxiety symptoms can be a challenge, at best. At worst, anxiety can be so destructive that it shuts down a life (only with your avoidance and without the tools in this book, of course). So allow me to clarify this “anxiety is an illusion” statement…
Anxiety Is Your Brain’s False Fear Message
That’s right. There’s no real danger. But there is danger in the false fear message you’re reinforcing and hearing loud and clear. So we’ll be discussing how to outsmart these messages in detail, in short order.
Anxiety Getaway Tip
Your anxiety symptoms can’t kill you. Here’s some proof: Ask yourself how many times you’ve been anxious. How many times have you experienced these anxiety symptoms? And yet, here you sit reading this book. So, anxiety symptoms can’t kill you. They can, however, make life rather unpleasant.
Reading this book demonstrates your readiness to break free from anxiety’s grip and move forward. So congratulations! You’re taking the first important step toward living with more freedom, opportunity, and joy. And on that note, let’s move forward.
“It takes brains…”
—Unknown author
“More brains…”
—Zombie from The Return of the Living Dead
In order to make your anxiety getaway by freeing yourself of anxiety symptoms, it’s vital that you first consider how the anxiety plane achieves lift off. Using this flying analogy, think of anxiety as having two separate, but connected, engine pieces. Your belief system is one. It plays a large, influential role. The other engine piece can be filled with vats of plane fuel and is, in large part, even more responsible for anxiety lift off. Yep, I’m talking about your brain.
Boarding the Anxious Brain Plane
Your anxiety is primarily a brain issue. It’s not really about you. Still, it’s easy to take anxiety personally because it sure does feel like you. After all, they’re your anxious thoughts, feelings, reactions, and symptoms, right? At least that’s what you tell yourself—it’s what everybody who suffers from anxiety tells themselves. You’re in the company of millions. Feel better? Probably not. Anxious misery does not love anxious company.
So how is anxiety a brain issue, exactly?
To answer that, we first need to talk about the biological gift that keeps on giving. It’s called…
The Survival Instinct
We’ve all got one. It’s part of the genius of our built-in biology. And it’s designed to save our lives, when necessary. The most basic expression of our survival instinct is the fight-or-flight response. It is this biological mechanism that could be responsible for the perpetuation of our species back in caveman times (or “caveperson times,” to bring it around to the twenty-first century). Without the fight-or-flight response, early men and women may never have survived all the hyena attacks (supposedly, that was a thing!) where they instinctually had to fight to the death or run like hell to stay alive. Getting an up-close-and-personal view of hyena choppers triggered their biology to kick in, with their adrenal gland releasing the hormone of adrenaline that prepared their body to fight or run.
Now back to the twenty-first century…
When it comes to the survival instinct in our regular, workaday lives, most of us are rarely faced with life-or-death situations (no, your in-laws don’t count as hyenas). But for those who struggle with anxiety, their life is threatened on a daily basis. Well, not exactly, but that’s what their brain is telling them. In actuality, their survival instinct is being erroneously triggered in the face of no real danger, just perceived danger.
In our twenty-first century daily lives, we rarely need our survival instinct triggered for protection. For example, a man afraid of small spaces steps on an elevator and his survival instinct springs forth with its adrenalized alarm bells. Something is wrong here, though most can see there’s no life-or-death situation at hand. So, what…is…happening?
This man’s survival instinct has gone haywire! His brain is sending his system false fear messages, triggering his fight-or-flight response. But why? Shouldn’t his brain conclude that there is no real threat present and delete these messages? Ideally, yes. Unfortunately, our brains can have trouble distinguishing between real danger and false danger.
Consider a darkened theater. You sit, riveted by the screen. Your popcorn-buttered hand trembles with fear. Your lip quivers. Maybe some beads of sweat form. You want to yell, “Look out! That googly-eyed demon is around the corner!” Are you in any actual demon danger? Is anyone? No, you’re in an air conditioned theater munching on popcorn, sipping soda, and watching a film. And yet, our bodies experience adrenaline.
In addition to our brain’s less than stellar ability to distinguish real-life danger from perceived danger, there is another explanation for our survival instinct’s triggering error. In this day and age, replete with constant change and advancements in modern technology, that explanation can be summed up in one word…
Pressure.
In North America, our survival instincts can be triggered by the pressures and expectations of our family, environment, and society alone. For example, even now, many still see the achievement of “The American Dream” as marriage, a house and 2.2 kids. This common expectation in itself continues to place a stressful burden on the many young adults in pursuit of it, and the older adults whose lives don’t match up. The pressure to achieve this so-called ideal can lead to interpreting any barrier as a threat to one’s well-being, stability, and yes, survival. Even on a small scale, it’s easy to see how one can interpret a minor event as a crisis with this pressure in play. For instance, say you get a flat tire on your way to work, rendering you late. This just happens to be a day that you’re due to present data alongside other colleagues you happen to be competing with for a promotion. The inherent pressure based on the promise of “The American Dream” suggests that this flat tire will now affect your entire future. Your mind is inundated with thoughts like, “Now I won’t get the promotion because my boss will think less of me, my colleagues will have a chance to impress her, and they’ll all go on to great success and happiness. Meanwhile, I’ll be stuck in this dissatisfying job, living in a place I despise, with no relationship potential to speak of and no prospects due to my inability to offer anybody much of anything. So, I better fix this flat tire in five minutes or my life and I are toast.”
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh! That is one pressure-filled flat