But from the ocean crossing, I retain sharper impressions.
Thirty-two days of a sea journey, in the foul and gloomy bottom of a cargo ship, don’t fade away easily from your soul.
After a short stay in Bremen, we were taken, along with eleven more Jewish families who were also emigrating to Brazil, on board a freighter that was leaving for South America because we had missed the passenger ship that should have brought us here.
A thick mist enveloped the port, diluting the ashen and compact mass of heavy and steadily illuminated buildings. As we got closer to the pier the city disappeared more and more into the distance into a dense fog that gave the port a submarine cast, colorless, almost immaterial, as if life had returned in a split second to the most distant eras, those that preceded the miraculous word of creation, as if the world had been plunged into its original primordial chaos.
Treading the shifting planks of the gangway that led us from the pier to the ship, I trembled with fear. The sea below was hideous, resembling a fabulous roaring monster, furious that he was not able to swallow us up. Papa, who had been holding onto me, held me even tighter.
One by one the sailors made us descend a vertical iron ladder to a dark hold that gave off a suffocating smell of fresh paint.
Two rows of bunk beds formed a common dormitory for thirty-eight passengers. In an adjoining space was the dining hall.
The emigrants, anxious to secure good places, invaded the hold, creating much confusion and a deafening commotion. The men were pushing, elbowing their way through, dragging children behind them. Women called out for their husbands. Some scolded their crying children, adding loud curses to the general bedlam. Other women, who had already found places, were seated on their suitcases or on the edges of the beds with their limp white breasts exposed as they fanned themselves and nursed the children.
“Stay here,” bellowed one woman, shouting at a sobbing child whose eyes were reddened from weeping. “Your place is here, damn you! If you go up there again, I’ll cut your head off, by Satan I will. . . . Did you hear? Cut . . . your . . . head . . . off. . . . ”
The young boy cowered in fear as if he already felt on his little neck the sharp edge of the guillotine. He was crazy to be on deck, to see the ocean. To see the waves rolling in the darkness and the city retreating and disappearing, bit by bit, into the distance.
The process of securing places provoked discussions, protests, complaints. And every so often there were damning outcries. But little by little the voices were quieting. Everyone found places and calm was being restored.
The women put the children to sleep and tried to get comfortable themselves. Some men found some decks of cards and went to play in the dining hall. Others, lying down with their hands clasped behind their necks, with eyes fastened on the ceiling, were smoking pensively or conversing with their bunkmates. A lamp dangling from the center of the ceiling shed a sad, mournful light on this cramped compartment in which were housed twelve families, like captives on a slave ship.
That night I lowered myself from the bed where I had been laid, got up on a chair and looked out through the porthole.
A dreadful endless darkness enveloped the space. Mountainous breakers exploded against the ship’s hull, rocking it with intense ferocity.
We were in the open sea where the sky and the water unite in that most impressive cosmic communion from which mankind draws the tragic idea of the universe’s infinite grandeur.
Frightened, I moved away from the little circular window and returned to bed, pulling the cover over my head.
The ship tilted towards the bow and then towards the stern, casting the passengers backward and forwards, rhythmically. The suitcases and packages that were on the floor drifted back and forth to the same tempo accompanied by the monotonous pulse of the engines’ muffled gasps.
The violence of the sea grew stronger. Enormous surging waves smashed against the ship, tipping it to the right. Here the ship stayed for a few seconds and then slowly regained its balance. Once it was level, it brusquely tipped to the left and shortly thereafter tilted again to the right. Then once more to the left, with redoubled speed. And so successively without cessation, the ship was painfully overcoming the resistant force of the swirling waters that rocked the vessel with growing momentum, while stirring up the bowels of its passengers.
A sensation of nausea made me uncover my head. Everyone was indisposed. Some already felt very sick.
“Jaco,” a woman called softly. And then afterward louder, “Jaco!”
“What is it?” grumbled her husband.
“I’m not feeling well.”
“And what do you want me to do?”
“Ay,” moaned the woman writhing, with her head outside the bunk and her opened mouth turned downwards.
She was pale, her face contorted.
Her husband supported her head and tried to encourage her.
“Calm down . . . calm down . . . this will pass.”
“Jaco,” she exclaimed, twitching all over with her hand on her belly. But she couldn’t finish.
A gush of nauseating liquid spread out over the floor. Then came another one. And then another. The woman sat up colorless with her eyes watering from the convulsions, almost breathless. Sticky threads of vomit trickled from her mouth. She cleaned herself and took a little of the water that her husband brought her. Then she leaned back on the pillow, moaning.
Other passengers also felt their stomachs turn. Those that were in the dining hall, playing cards, abandoned their games and wobbled back to the sleeping quarters, supporting themselves on the bunk railings.
In a corner of the hall, a boy vomited from an upper bunk, pouring out thick disgusting streams.
The atmosphere in the dormitory was no longer fit to breathe. A rancid smell filled the air.
Armed with brooms and dumping out buckets of water, sailors cleaned the room while joking with the travelers.
Papa soon managed to get us out of the hold and found us spots on the ship’s deck.
The free fresh sea air revived us immediately. And we got through the night more or less all right. But at daybreak, the seamen came to wash the deck obliging us to go down into the hold, and they repeated this every morning. Even so, we preferred sleeping under open skies. Only on rainy nights did we stay below.
The first days of the trip, although quite revolting, passed quickly. But the following ones were harder to get through. They were long and very boring. Always the same seascape. Above, sky and water. And below in the hold, people vomiting. With the passing of time, however, the passengers became more and more used to the tossing sea and managed to lighten the voyage with some distractions.
One of the men’s favorite amusements and one that was also enjoyed a lot by the women and children consisted of having a man stand facing the wall, with his back to the others. He covered his eyes with one of his hands and put the other hand palm up on his behind which faced his fellow passengers who were arranged in a semi-circle. One of them slapped his hand. Then the victim had to immediately turn around and identify the perpetrator. If he made a mistake, he had to stand facing the wall again and receive further slaps until he guessed correctly. And once the identity of the slapper was discovered, he took his victim’s place.
Those with less expertise received many blows, immensely delighting the spectators.
Sometimes a sailor, who was feared for his robust constitution, participated