“Are we talking about the same boat?”
“Yes, sir.” The salesman had obviously never seen the boat. He described her as ‘a beautiful, custom built, sixty-foot twin diesel Drake sport fisher. Designed right here in San Diego by Larry Drake.’ “She has the same bullet-proof hull as the Navy’s ASR vessels.”
“She’s Air Sea Rescue?” I asked.
“You know your boats, sir.” He was stroking me. “Same design, but originally built as a yacht. Her hull was laid up in Oxnard, let’s see, in yep, here it is, in 1956. She’s fiberglass over six layers of half-inch laminated marine ply.”
I interrupted him again. “You’re talking about the boat chained to the Sheriff’s dock?”
“Yes, that’s correct. She’s currently moored at the San Diego Sheriff’s substation, south of the Coronado Bay Bridge.”
I turned to leave. “Forget it.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said forget it.”
“But, sir, you said you were interested in the boat.”
“I am, but not for anything close to two hundred grand. You’re out of your mind.” I prodded Jennifer out the door.
“Well, you see, that’s the amount the bank’s looking to recover. The amount left on the loan is much greater, but the bank is willing to take a loss—”
I cut him off again. “I don’t care what’s on the books. The boat’s been beat to shit, and not worth anything close to a couple hundred grand. Have you even seen her?”
“Well, no sir, not recently, but I’m sure with a little—”
Sierra was already out the door. “Forget it. You don’t know what you’re talking about. That boat’s about to go down, and you’re wasting our time talking that kind of money.”
“Obviously, sir, you have another figure in mind?”
“Yeah, but nothing even close to six figures.”
“We only represent the bank. If you’ll let me explain—we serve as the bank’s agent. We’ve handled a lot of interesting vessels over the years and would be more than happy to submit any offer. In fact, we’re legally obligated to present every offer we receive. So whatever you have in mind, I’m sure—”
“Twenty grand.”
He gasped, and his glasses slid down his nose. “Excuse me?”
“I said twenty grand.”
“Are you serious? I couldn’t possibly take such a ridiculous offer.”
“Present it.”
“But sir—” he protested in astonishment.
“Listen. You just told us you’re legally obligated to present every offer you receive. So write it up, and I’ll sign it.”
He shook his head. “I couldn’t possibly.”
“Listen, I don’t want to hear any more of your babbling. The boat’s a disaster, and she’s probably not even worth twenty grand. She’s been ignored for so long even the birds don’t have a clean place to shit on anymore. The decks are rotted and buckling, and I can’t even imagine what her machinery looks like. I’m surprised she’s still floating. I’m half out of my mind for even offering that much, but that’s the number. Present it.”
He stared at me with a mixture of annoyance and disbelief. “Very well,” he replied curtly. “You’ll have to sign the offer and leave a deposit.”
Jennifer chimed in. “I’ve got a checkbook and a pen.”
I gave her a grateful look.
“I feel obliged to explain to you, sir, that an offer of this nature is not only an embarrassment to us, as the representing brokers, but I can tell you from my years of personal experience in dealing with things like this that the bank will be very offended. Not only will they throw out the offer, but they won’t even counter.”
The more this guy talked, the less I liked him, but I knew if we got the boat, we’d never have to deal with him again. “Do yourself a favor. Go have a look at the boat. You’re going to be a rock star for bringing in any offer. This is a gift.”
“This isn’t an offer; it’s an insult,” he said under his breath after we’d signed the offer and were on our way out the door.
Jennifer looked hard into my eyes. “Never heard you talk like that to anyone before.”
“Arrogance and ignorance are two traits, when combined, don’t sit too well with me, but I should have talked to you before making a crazy offer like that.”
She could see the concern in my eyes, and with one smile melted it away. “Don’t be sorry. I loved listening to you deal with that guy. You were so cool. Plus, it’s kind of exciting.”
As expected, a couple days later we got word the bank had refused our offer. I demanded to know why, and we returned to the broker’s office.
“We’re dealing with a fine, classic yacht here, sir. One that originally cost close to a million dollars to build.” The agent was doing his best to convince me.
“I don’t care what it cost fifteen years ago. In fact, I don’t care what it might have been worth last year. As it sits today, she’s worth shit.”
“I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t use that kind of language here in the office.”
I nodded at the same time Jennifer subtly gave me an elbow in the ribs. They were right. This wasn’t the time or place. “Sorry. Have you seen the boat?”
“As I told you before. No, I have not personally seen her.”
“Then I want to talk to your boss. Those idiots at the bank don’t have a clue what we’re dealing with here.”
“Very well. I’ll see if he’s available.”
The salesman left and returned with his broker. I didn’t give him a chance to say anything. I was wound up.
“The boat’s a disaster, and we’re willing to take her off your hands. Someone here is going to have to physically look at the boat and then inform the bank exactly what they’re stuck with.”
The broker countered, “Our listing shows that she was built by one of the most reputable builders in the business, and she has a long history of outstanding service.”
“That’s all in the past. What you’ve got now is a neglected, dilapidated old boat that’s covered with shit and listing so badly she looks like she’s about to go under. God only knows what’s keeping her afloat.”
“She couldn’t be in that bad a shape,” the broker rebutted, adding, “we have a cleaning service that takes care of all our listings.”
“Then you’re getting ripped off, because this boat hasn’t seen a hose or deck brush in years. She’s a wreck, and unless you guys are working some insurance scam and waiting for her to sink so you can collect, I suggest we all take a ride over there right now.”
“I don’t know if that’s possible. I’ve got a meeting scheduled this afternoon, and—”
“If you don’t, my next phone call is going to be to the bank’s insurance underwriter.” My voice was hard and direct. “They just might be interested in investigating your little relationship here.” I met the broker’s hard stare head on. “From the looks of things, gross negligence and fraud wouldn’t