His moods only became more turbulent, however. While preparing dinner, she sensed his eyes following her backside, watching her every move.
Her head felt muddled because she wanted to please him, and if that meant replacing her mother — by cooking his favourite meals, by rubbing his feet — she was willing to try. The more she tried, the more he demanded when he’d come into her room late at night. She didn’t want to trust her memories…. That stale breath wafting down her neck in torrents, those callused, apelike hands making her go all soft and buttery, and she knew that what he was doing to her was horrible and disgusting and she wanted it to stop, yet she couldn’t afford to enrage him.
Gauzy white curtains hung across her bedroom window. She slept with the window open that summer when she was ten, when it happened a lot. The night breeze caught the translucent fabric and whipped it through the air, making her think of a tormented ghost, and she was able to imagine that it was her — it was her ghost whipping up a frenzy and flying up to the ceiling and billowing outside.
“Everything all right, Lily? You’re awfully quiet.”
Blushing, she prayed the doctor couldn’t see into her polluted mind. This man — so gentle, so wholesome, so good — appeared before her as everything her own father had never been.
“What my son needs is the influence of a good woman.”
“A good woman?”
“I’ve seen how Kaz looks at you and follows you around. He’d listen to you. You could help him.”
“What are you so worried about?”
“Kaz’s always hanging around those boys. The troublemakers.”
“Oh, he isn’t close to them.”
“Don’t delude yourself. I’ve seen them together.”
“He’s just a friendly guy. Friendly to everyone.”
“If anything happens, I want you to know you can come to me. Anytime. I would be grateful, Lily-san.”
She nodded, caught off guard, unsure of what exactly he was asking of her.
“In fact, I’d appreciate it if you’d tell me what’s going on with my son, from time to time.”
“You want me to … spy on Kaz?”
“I want you to look out for him. He doesn’t have the best judgment, you see.”
As she nodded again, heat rushed over her face, warmed by the doctor’s bright, approving gaze.
Five
“Don’t you think it’s weird he’s paying so much attention to you?” Audrey sat on the upper bunk, bare feet dangling down, all too close to Lily’s nose. “I mean, what makes you so special?”
“He’s a doctor, okay? I wasn’t feeling well. He took care of me. End of story.”
Aunt Tetsuko peeked around the curtain, eavesdropping, as usual. “Audrey’s right. People’ll start talking, ne? I don’t want you hanging around the hospital. Understand, Lily?”
“But the doctor said he’ll get me a job!”
“Fat chance.” Audrey wiggled her toes.
“Think you’re too good to work at the net factory now?” Aunt Tetsuko sneered. “Got better things to do, like get ready for beauty pageants? Maybe you should pack your gear and go live in one of the other barracks, with all the other beauty queens!”
Let them mock her all they wanted. Lily didn’t care. The doctor had asked for her help, and she’d given her word. The sense of being bound to the Takemitsu family washed over her in waves of comfort and belonging.
Grabbing a sweater, she pushed past her aunt and headed for the door. Crouched behind the barrack, she watched the jackrabbits leap by in the sunset. Their dark buff fur, lightly peppered, blended into the brush. If it weren’t for their creamy underbellies and pink, fairy-wing ears, they’d vanish completely.
But it was their ears that made them attuned to predators. Even the babies had amazing survival instincts, born fully furred, their eyes wide open. No need of familial protection at all.
One evening, in line outside the latrines, Lily ran into her old friend, Kaoru Inouye. “It’s wonderful to see you, Kaoru.” They embraced.
“It’d be better running into you out in the real world. But still.” A small, forced laugh, hands on ample hips.
“Did you just arrive at Matanzas?”
Kaoru nodded. She said she’d been transferred from another camp in order to be with her father.
“Did you see me in the last pageant?”
“I didn’t make it out — had to work that day — but I heard all about it.” Kaoru stared at the ground, drawing a spiral with the toe of her boot, setting off a small whirlwind.
No doubt they’d drifted apart in recent years, but Lily was surprised by her friend’s cool, unimpressed manner.
“So where do they put a girl like you to work here, Lily?”
“The net factory. For now. You?”
“Outdoor maintenance.”
No wonder Kaoru was in a dour mood. Lily had seen the girls out all day in the blistering heat, sweeping up trash and lugging around heavy equipment. “Maybe you’ll be transferred to another job one of these days?”
“Huh. Not likely.”
Things had been so different when they were little. They were all just Japs, back then. Chubby legs charging back and forth as they walked quickly — and then ran — trying to escape the shower of pebbles and taunting voices of the white boys gathered behind them. The stones getting ever closer. Chinky chinky Chinaman sitting on a rail! Along came a white man and chopped off his tail!
How fast they ran through the labyrinth of garbage-filled alleys. They scurried into the basement storage room beneath Kaoru’s father’s store, rapid as mice. By then, tears were running down Lily’s cheeks. Kaoru, by contrast, had an air of toughness. A little sumo wrestler.
“Don’t those idiots know we’re not Chinks?”
“We’re Americans,” Lily whispered.
Kaoru’s eyebrows sprung up, yet her toughness melted into a fragile sheen. Kaoru wasn’t an American. She’d been born in Japan.
It hadn’t made much difference when they were kids. Now, on the other hand, Lily sensed something guarded about the way Kaoru looked at her.
“Are you all right, Lily? You’re kind of pale.”
“I haven’t been feeling so well. The heat.”
“Oh, Lily, so kirei. The pretty, delicate one.”
Vaguely aware she was being mocked, she said nothing.
“Be careful about the friends you’re keeping. Kaz Takemitsu, he’s a slick one.”
“And you’re some expert on romance?”
Kaoru’s face flinched and Lily wished she could take it back. They waited in silence and by the time their turns came, they might as well have been strangers.
Maybe Kaoru was right, though. Some days, Kaz barely glanced at her as he grabbed a seat at a table on the other side of the mess hall, immersing himself in the bright gazes and giggles of so many other girls. Lily wondered what he saw in them, whether they possessed some vital energy or shining kernel of beauty that she lacked. She tried to convince herself that she was his favourite. His father