Numerous times throughout my childhood, my parents would take my brother, sister, and me to the grocery store or Walmart, and load up the cart. When it came time to pay, they didn’t have enough money. So we would go home empty-handed, and in some cases, hungry. Not surprisingly, on those days my parents would argue about their money situation; the three of us children could overhear from adjacent rooms. Like clockwork the next day, my mother or father provided my siblings and me a “what-not-to-do” lesson in money management. “Learn from us and don’t repeat our mistakes” was the core message.
My parents ultimately divorced after years of financial, personal, and professional misunderstandings. They were on different financial pages and had been for years.
From watching my parents, I learned early on that money issues in relationships are rarely just about money. Often it’s the “meaning” (attitudes and beliefs) behind the mismanagement of money that drives a wedge between couples. For example, one partner might feel the other was being selfish when purchasing an expensive television without consulting the other. Or, as in the case of my parents, clear financial boundaries were never established and resentment built steadily between them.
I was fearful of never having enough, just like my parents, and of failing in my own marriage. But rather than letting these negative experiences shape my future, I took them to heart, channelled my fear into motivation, and created a strong financial foundation.
I reprogrammed myself and the relationship I had with money so that it wouldn’t destroy the relationship I have today with my intimate partner.
You and your partner can do the same and create a happy future.
Don’t let past negative financial experiences, attitudes, and behaviours dictate your future.
Three Pillars for Savvy Couples
Savvy modern couples take a three-pillared approach to building their lives and financial security together. They focus on strengthening their financial, personal, and professional lives.
When these pillars are strong, they are the foundation that supports a couple’s future. This in turn allows them to achieve their full financial potential while feeling happy in the process. When any of these pillars are weak, a couple’s foundation is weak, and it’s hard to build a lasting structure on a cracked foundation.
Think of it like this: If one partner is a spender and compromises the couple’s retirement savings because they bought too many handbags or car accessories, that will cause stress in the relationship. Stress impacts personal happiness and productivity at work. When a couple supports and respects each other’s career aspirations, their collective income will grow, which strengthens their finances and generates better options for their future.
Or think of it like this: If a rich couple defines themselves by their wealth, rather than focusing on building a healthy relationship with each other, their friends, and their family, they’ll push each other and their social circle away. Regardless of their bank balance or career success, they’ll be miserable.
With so many competing priorities for your time, talents, and resources, it can be a challenge to place equal emphasis on your financial, personal, and professional success. But rich couples do — and so should you.
From Broke to Oprah
At the age of 17 I was fortunate enough to meet one of the most influential women in the world — Oprah Winfrey. I was featured on her show in an episode called “Ordinary People, Extraordinary Wealth.” I was one of a few guests sharing their financial secrets with more than 20 million viewers! My story stood out among those of the other guests primarily because of my young age, passion for financial literacy, and high bank balance.
I was on track to be rich — and able to retire, if I wanted — by the age of 30.
Coming from a low-income household inspired me to earn and save my money early on so I wouldn’t have to experience the same hardships as my parents. From age 10 to age 14, I purchased Canada Savings Bonds with my birthday money every year.
I worked two flyer routes, babysat, sold lemonade, and picked weeds to earn money that I saved in a savings account until I was legally allowed to work at the local public library at the age of 14. From that time, every dollar that made its way into my hot little hands was deposited into my growing mutual fund account.
Thankfully, I took my investing quite seriously as an adolescent and read up on my hobby between my shifts at the library — MoneySense, Forbes, Fortune, the Globe and Mail, the Wall Street Journal, The Wealthy Barber. What I learned in the pages I read, I shared with a very kind and patient bank manager who worked across the street from my home.
I asked questions. I made mistakes. I fixed my mistakes. I consulted my parents. I grew my knowledge.
Before long, I had accumulated more savings than my parents, and had nearly enough to pay for my own university education.
In grade 12, my financial savvy was noticed by one of my teachers. She and I had enjoyed many conversations about investing and how to engage my peers in starting to save early on. When the local newspaper randomly phoned my high school one day looking for stories of “odd or interesting” students, my teacher proudly put my name forward.
The newspaper published a front page article entitled “Whiz Kid,” which was then syndicated across North America. Shortly thereafter, in February 2001, I received a phone call from a producer at The Oprah Winfrey Show. Oprah had read the article and wanted me on the show to share my story. The rest is history.
As you know, Oprah has a massive influence on the lives and careers of the people she touches. I’m grateful to her because she’s the primary reason I was able to go on to write two bestselling books: Rich by Thirty: A Young Adult’s Guide to Financial Success and Well-Heeled: The Smart Girl’s Guide to Getting Rich.
The experience I had with Oprah, along with wise guidance from my mentors and family, has helped shape me as a person. It’s also influenced my business, MeVest, which is an online money school that provides financial education through one-on-one money coaching, eLearning, and financial planning.
Why Couples Matter
I care about improving financial literacy for couples because strong couples build strong families, communities, and workplaces. They are happy. They are inspirational.
But in my work as a professional speaker and the founder of MeVest, I’ve noticed a disheartening trend among 30- to 50-something couples. Most fight about money regularly because they don’t know how to navigate difficult money conversations and they lack the skills to establish a strong financial foundation. Without major intervention, nearly half of these couple will end up negotiating separation agreements or signing on the dotted line of their divorce papers.
I full-heartedly believe that money matters don’t have to continue destroying relationships. Instead, money can be used as a tool to help couples achieve their goals and dreams.
Seven Steps to Financial Bliss
If you’re reading this book as a last-ditch attempt to get rich quick and save your relationship, I have bad news for you — money can’t fix your relationship.
You and your partner need to create a strategy for your future and your money together. When you’re aligned on where you want to go — even if it’s just a mutual commitment to read this book at this point — The Modern Couple’s Money Guide can show you how to get there by using these seven steps to build wealth together:
1 Get on the same page
2 Scrap your emotions