When she opened her door at the top of the stairs, she was momentarily speechless. Ed was stretched out in his underclothes, sipping a mug of coffee. His clothes lay in a pile beside him. She bolted across the room and closed the curtains, then grabbed her blue wool dressing gown from the back of the door and threw it at him.
“Put this on!” she said as she hastily adjusted a crack in the curtains. “What if someone saw you?” She had visions of a pupil or parent leaning against the lamppost looking up at her room. Everyone knew where she lived.
Ed tried to pull her onto the bed. “Come on, Lily. You know you want it.”
“It!” Lily said hoarsely. “What’s it to you, Ed? Something to boast about?” Lily realized her words sounded harsh and she softened her voice. “What I want is love, like my parents had.”
Lily’s body was awash in mixed emotions as she watched Ed go from excitement to shame. She turned her back as Ed dressed. “What went through your head?” she asked, angrily. Ed turned and picked up a chair, setting it down so hard again that the front leg broke off. Tears spilled from his dark eyes as he stomped down the stairs.
Lily knelt on her bed, parted the curtains, and watched him disappear into the falling snow. She smoothed the mark Ed’s body had made on the bedcovers. A shudder coursed through her. What would have happened if he had stayed? She turned off the light and leaned on the windowsill looking out at the falling snow reflected by the street lamp. “It’s time you stopped acting like your mother’s five-year-old,” she whispered. “I’ll never have a serious relationship with someone so unpredictable.” She lay down on her bed and rolled onto her side, tucking her childhood blanket under her head. It smelled of hair pomade.
In spite of these thoughts, Lily continued to see Ed, although her feelings for him often went from tenderness to anger. Ed presented Lily with a heart-shaped locket at Easter and asked her to be his girl. As summer approached he suggested taking a picnic to the swimming hole where he had learned to swim as a boy. It was a salty inlet, warmer than the ocean. When Lily said she couldn’t swim, he offered to teach her. But she refused, saying she was terrified of water.
“I’m happy just enjoying the sun,” she said, as she spread out a blanket and unpacked the pastries, fresh bread, and sliced ham his mother had prepared. She felt a wave of irritation that Mrs. Parsons had added a flask of liquor. Ed didn’t need any encouragement.
The dessert had melted all over the picnic basket. “What a mess!” Lily said, laughing. They scooped at the puddle of chocolate and licked each other’s fingers. Then Lily waded into the inlet to rinse out the picnic hamper. Dark water marked a sudden drop-off. She hurried back to the sandy beach and was raising the liquor flask to pour what was left on the ground just as Ed emerged from the bushes in his bathing costume.
“Don’t waste it,” Ed said, grabbing the flask and screwing on the lid.
He rushed toward the water. “I’m going to swim out to Baldy Rock.” Lily watched in amazement at the powerful stroke of his arms and rhythmical kicking. Every few strokes he brought his arms forward simultaneously, arching his body like a dolphin.
“I’ve got a cramp,” Ed shouted as he swam back. Forcing herself to overcome her fear, Lily high-stepped into deeper water to help him. At the edge of the drop-off, he put his hands on her waist and hoisted her toward him. She shrieked with terror as her skirt billowed up over her face.
“Hold your breath,” he shouted. He dunked her under, and she came up coughing sputtering and gagging.
“Ed, you know I can’t swim!”
Ed held her waist, treading water with his powerful legs. Lily pummelled his head when he dunked her under a second time. This time she screamed as she came up for air.
“We live by water. You need to be able to swim,” Ed said forcefully.
“What the hell are you doing with that girl?” a man shouted from the shore. He was rushing toward them, his daughter and wife watching on the beach. Ed lifted Lily up and set her down in the shallow water. She was sobbing between deep breaths. The man put his arm around her and led her back to shore.
“I wouldn’t have anything to do with that young man, Miss. Scaring a poor girl like that. If I were you, I’d get swimming lessons real quick and never go near that bully again.”
“He was my boyfriend,” Lily said.
“No kidding?” The man looked at his wife and child. “You wouldn’t find me doing that.”
Ed rushed past the glaring family to sit down on their picnic blanket. Lily joined him, dripping and still breathless.
“I didn’t believe anyone could be so afraid of water,” he said.
“Well, I didn’t believe anyone could be so mean. We’re both surprised, Ed Parsons.”
“Lily, I’m sorry. That’s how I learned to swim. My brothers tossed me off a wharf.”
“Ed, I have a mean sister and I don’t intend to have a mean beau. I need a break from you. Aunt Marjorie has asked me to spend the summer with her in Sydney, to help out. I’ve decided to say yes.” Lily’s eyes filled with tears. “Ed, I can’t take this push and pull. One minute you act as though I’m your girlfriend, and the next you act as if you don’t care. I don’t know what you’re afraid of, but it shouldn’t be me.”
When she saw Ed’s defensive expression, Lily fought to keep her resolve.
“You’re right,” he said. “You deserve better than a coal miner.”
“You’re missing the point. This has nothing to do with you being a miner.” Lily ran her fingers through her wet hair in exasperation. “I can’t stand these moods.”
Ed’s eyes glistened, but Lily couldn’t interpret his silence. He dressed, and they walked silently back to town, Lily in her sopping dress.
As soon as Lily got back, she used Mrs. O’Dea’s phone to call her aunt in Sydney. She broke into a broad grin when she heard Marjorie’s voice at the other end. “Aunt Marjorie, I’d like to accept your invitation. I can’t cook, but I’d be helpful in everything else.” Marjorie chuckled. Lily was surprised at how strong her aunt sounded, despite the fact that the breast cancer had spread to her lungs.
“Lily, it would be wonderful to have your help. When can you come?”
“In two weeks, when school ends. I need some practical advice.”
“Well, you know your aunt has an opinion on everything.”
Marjorie understood the delicate interaction between Lily and her mother. She had met Amelia in her compromised circumstances when Amelia was the housekeeper to the elderly Mr. White. Marjorie was working at the time as a full-time nurse and was unable to care for her grandfather. She understood that Lily reminded her mother of something she wanted to forget. Marjorie had intentionally filled the emotional gap when Beth was born by making Lily her special niece.
When Lily hung up the phone, she began to cry. Marjorie had called her beautiful even when she was at her most ungainly. Beth, so sure of herself, didn’t need compliments. The proof of her self-confidence and resilience was found in the fact that even a botched abortion and the birth of an illegitimate child had not daunted her. Beth had returned to New York after the birth of the baby.
After her first full year of teaching, and her tumultuous relationship with Ed Parsons, what Lily wanted most now was to rekindle her family relationships and forget her former beau.
“What was I like when I was young?” Lily asked one evening, curled up on the sofa. The weather had turned cool and her aunt had stoked up the coal stove.
“My goodness, you make yourself sound so old,” Aunt Marjorie