5. Turn your complaints into requests. Quit complaining. Permanently. If you have a request, make it. If you have a suggestion, offer it. If you want things to change, then be the instrument of change. Approach the troubling elements of your world with a gentle and courageous spirit. If you want to change your life, you’re going to have to start taking 100 percent responsibility for it, and complaining is the hobbyhorse of a victim mentality. You’re better than that. Part of the recovering in recovering perfectionist has to do with finding new, more productive ways to channel your discernment, your good judgment, and your meticulous attention to detail.
Nothing good ever came from the curious inaction caused by mental chaos known as overwhelm.
6. Release that which no longer serves you. Clutter is the residue of old decisions, and it just plain takes up too much room. Free yourself from your old stuff so you have space to become your new self. We’ll even clear the mental clutter from your “Dream Closet” in chapter 49. You’ll be amazed at how much more energy you have when you — and your stuff — have some breathing room.
7. Stop having imaginary arguments with other people. It’s so tempting to replay key moments from your life in your mind, usually with the dialogue rewritten. Or to imagine future events in which you not only look fabulous but manage to say the perfect thing, every time. Your “overachieving” self flaunts the vision of this more perfect version of self at you and makes you believe that you should be better, smarter, quicker than you are (or were). Start using your imagination in more self-supporting ways.
8. Make some 5-Minute Art about it. Creativity — it’s not just for artists anymore. This 5-Minute Art concept is one of the most flat-out useful ideas in this book, so let’s talk about it now.
Here’s the plan: The next time you feel upset, sad, frustrated, furious, or trapped by the past, take five minutes and make some art about how you are feeling. Draw a picture, write a poem, do a little dance, sing a little song. This art does not have to be good. In fact, I think it’s better if you make it deliberately bad, and you have permission to throw it away as soon as you’re done. Why am I suggesting that you make some bad, disposable art? Because feelings just want to be felt.
Once a feeling knows that it’s been felt, the energy of it is released and can transform into a different feeling. You’ve had that experience — when a good cry is followed by a feeling of deep peace, or when an angry outburst transmogrifies into a fit of the giggles. On the other hand, when you keep your feelings locked away, they often grow stronger, darker, and more powerful. Worse yet, whatever steps you take to avoid your feelings will end up sabotaging you. So making some 5-Minute Art is a quick, easy, and even delightful way to activate the pressure-release valve.
Feelings just want to be felt.
Externalizing your feelings also gives you a new perspective on them. Using color, rhythm, images, and melody to give form to your emotions allows you to understand them in a new way. And it can allow others to better understand you as well.
My indispensable team leader at the Organized Artist Company, Leonore Tjia, once found herself feeling completely swamped with demands from our students and fearful that she was about to let everyone down. The anxiety was paralyzing her. Luckily, she had the presence of mind to go to the whiteboard in her office and sketch an image that captured how she was feeling. She texted me a photo of it, with the caption, “This drawing is of me as a sad border collie, weeping by the pond because she let all the little lambs drown.” This little cartoon was so sweet and so melancholic that she started to laugh at herself. In the freedom of laughter, she found renewed energy, and a reminder that what she had been experiencing as stress was really just her desire to do a good job run amok. You can see Leonore’s drawing at www.StartRightWhereYouAre.com.
During one of my three-day events, Marie, a tall woman with a slightly librarian-ish demeanor, raised her hand and politely said, “Sam, I hear you say, ‘Make some art about it’ all the time, and I’m still not sure what you mean. Could you give an example?”
“Sure,” I said. “If you were to make up a little song right now about how it feels to not understand, how would it go?”
She started moving her head from side to side in a funny tick-tock motion and chanted, “I don’t get it, I don’t get it, I don’t get it, I don’t get it,” and the whole room burst into laughter. She laughed too, and said, “Okay! Now I get it!” The action of turning her frustration into a little ditty cheered her right up. It also allowed all of us to recognize, sympathize with, and participate in her feelings. I still sing Marie’s little song to myself whenever I feel like I’m being obtuse, and it takes the feeling of being dense and airless and it opens up all the windows and lets the cool breeze blow right through.
Your reaction to your 5-Minute Art may not be humorous, of course. You may discover that you are much sadder, much calmer, or much more furious than you thought. One student sent me a copy of a dark drawing she had made of a big, black bird that covered almost the whole page. She said she hadn’t realized how unhappy she was until she saw her own drawing. Recognition is the first step toward transformation.
If you’re thinking to yourself, “But, Sam, I’m not artistic,” remember that once you were a child who cheerfully drew pictures, sang songs, danced, and played with clay. You were completely unconcerned about how “good” your work was, and you simply reveled in the playful expression of your spirit. Tap into that still-existing childlike part of yourself, and you’ll be amazed at how easily the 5-Minute Art will flow right out of you.
Recognition is the first step toward transformation.
In the rest of this book, we’ll talk about how you can:
• amp up your intuition and inner knowing
• get over your fear of success
• figure out how to pick a project that’s going to be really great for you
• find a tribe or community of like-minded people who will support you, celebrate you, and cherish your involvement in their lives
All the things you keep telling yourself you want to do, be, or have are possible for you, if you are willing to take it one step at a time. No matter how long you’ve been dreaming your dreams, they are still alive, still possible. Just because they haven’t happened up to now doesn’t mean they won’t happen. And just because your life, career, or projects haven’t gone the way you may have wanted doesn’t mean they are not going well. No matter what has happened to you up to now, you have an opportunity to create a new story, beginning right now.
Take a deep breath.
Notice the good in this moment.
Because this is all you have.
Start now.
Start right where you are.
YOU KNOW THE TIMES when you have had a goal or a dream, worked hard to make it happen, and then . . . just . . .nothing? No movement. Can’t get traction. So frustrating, right?
Other times, you have a goal or a dream, and you take just very few baby steps toward it, and suddenly it feels as if the universe itself comes rushing in to support you. It seems that all you have to do is put out a little energy, and you get a big tidal wave of energy back. Maybe you have an idea in your head about moving house, and