• Which element of self-care would you like to add to what you already do?
• How will you make sure that it gets implemented?
• How will implementing the strategies and tactics in this chapter benefit you?
My sister-in-law’s family is from Hawaii, so every other summer she and my brother (who’s a genius with elevator repairs) go there for vacation. The last time my brother came home from Hawaii, he called me and said, “I want to move there.” From the tone in his voice, I could tell that he was pretty serious. And when he said, “We looked at some places to live,” I knew he was completely serious.
I said, “You must have had a fantastic vacation!”
He told me, “They have such a laid-back life there. The beach is five minutes away. The food is fresh. It’s so much better than L.A.”
“Awesome!” I exclaimed. “If you guys move there, we’ll have a place to stay for free!”
After giving him some support, I started asking him a few questions about the future move.
“How were the houses you saw?”
“They’re really expensive. We’d have a bigger mortgage over there.”
“How far would your commute be to work?”
“There aren’t any tall buildings nearby.”
“How far is your house right now from the beach?”
“About five minutes.”
“When I come visit you next time, will you take me to the farmers’ market down the street from your house?”
“Sure.”
About a week after this conversation took place, my brother called me to say that they had decided not to move. You see, after reflecting and writing down everything they liked about Hawaii, they realized that they have almost all of that where they currently live. They just took it for granted. This past summer, they went to the beach three days a week after work. And they’re enjoying all the delicious food in their area. They began to look first at what’s good in their life and what they already have before examining any perceived deficits. They examined each situation’s pros and cons objectively. They planned before diving in. That’s reflecting with power.
GOAL
At the end of each day, celebrate all your wins — both minuscule and grand — as well as what you have in your life, before trying to improve upon what didn’t work. Never start with, “I didn’t get xyz done.”
TACTICS
Take a few moments each day (or at least each week) to reflect on what you’ve been doing to work toward your personal priorities and targets and your work priorities and targets.
Ask yourself:
• What tasks (small, medium, large, and extra-grande) did I finish and need to celebrate?
• Have I stopped and made any decisions based on my priorities and targets? (Celebrate!)
• Have I said no to something that wasn’t going to fully benefit me? (Celebrate!)
• What worked? (Celebrate! And keep doing this.)
• What are the lessons I learned from all this good stuff I did?
Reflecting on at least one positive step forward will give you the encouragement you need to stay focused on your personal and work priorities and targets, which will help you to make better decisions about how you use your time. This is reflecting with power.
Next, ask yourself:
• What glitches occurred?
• Why did they happen?
• What did I learn from what transpired?
• What can be done to prevent them from happening again?
• What do I need to make more time for?
• What do I need to take off my plate to make more time for that?
When most folks reflect, they skip the prior “round one” positive questions and celebrations. They instead start and stop with only the first question in this “round two” section. And then they stay frustrated. Raise your hands in the air and let out a big “Yahoo!” for taking the time to reflect with power on all these questions, as doing so will increase your positivity and brainpower, which will in turn improve the decisions you make about how to use your time.
If you have a team to whom you delegate or with whom you work, reflect at the end of each week:
• What did each team member do well?
Let them know! Communicate this as they complete a job well or at the end of each week. If all they ever hear is what they did wrong, that’ll be a bummer for them and will not motivate them to do their best for you.
Next, ask yourself and your team:
• What glitches occurred?
• Why did they happen?
• What did we learn from what transpired?
• What can be done to prevent them from happening again?
Don’t let miscommunication or noncommunication evolve into shoddy work and animosity. Nip it in the bud by addressing this during your weekly team meeting (which we’ll discuss in part 3, “Assemble Your Team”) or setting aside separate time.
STRATEGY
My husband and I have many goals and targets, but this one is particularly important to us: go on vacation at least once per year. It’s our marriage retreat/relaxation/rejuvenation/carpe diem getaway. It never fails, however, that while we’re abroad, we develop wild fantasies about how sweet life would be if we lived elsewhere.
I realize that we’re not alone in these musings when we talk to other folks who dream big dreams when they’re on vacation.
“Life would be better here.”
“If I lived here, I wouldn’t have xyz problems.”
“This is the good life.”
Whenever we step off a train on vacation, I’m nearly swept away by the romance of train stations — the large open areas full of bustling people, the huge skylights, the architectural wonders…it’s just like the movies! I want to live in this town!
But watch commuters wherever you visit. They look and feel the same way that commuters do where you live. Why? Because they’re not on vacation.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the hill, so the saying goes. Instead of trying to get over to that grass, why not cultivate and nurture the grass under your feet and make that as green as possible?
What does this have to do with productivity? Reflection is an important part of any improvement process. But if we focus on chasing unrealistic dreams, and we never acknowledge what we have in front of us, we pretty much just end up frustrated from chasing our tail in circles. Too many times we try to hunt down something that won’t necessarily benefit us or that we might already have in our lives. This causes us to spend time and resources on something we don’t actually need. We will also stay frustrated and beaten down if we keep focusing on everything we haven’t done.
If you think you are sh*t, you are drawn to sh*t.
—André (played by Jamel Debbouze), in the movie Angel-A
Of course, examining what needs to be improved and dissecting what things didn’t work