What I find hard to understand is why in such a clear case of necessary government intervention, so many states and localities choose to be hands-off and allow parents not to vaccinate their children. Even President Obama opted for a more laid-back approach in the response to the measles outbreak, with White House Spokesman Josh Earnest telling reporters, “People should evaluate this for themselves with a bias toward good science and toward the advice of our public health professionals.” This is exactly the wrong place for government to be lenient, and it is especially maddening given the opposite situation in just about every other area of childrearing.
Now contrast the laissez-faire attitude toward vaccines with the harsh regulations that govern cases of pediatric obesity. The people who are hurt by obesity are the ones who are obese. The people who are hurt from low vaccination rates also include everyone in the population who is at risk of getting sick.
President Kennedy got this distinction exactly right.
We do not live in a regimented society where men are forced to live their lives in the interest of the state. We are, all of us, as free to direct the activities of our bodies as we are to pursue the objects of our thought. But if we are to retain this freedom, for ourselves and for generations to come, then we must also be willing to work for the physical toughness on which the courage and intelligence and skill of man so largely depend.24
How are parents to reconcile their own parenting values with those of an overbearing government? Many are fighting to remain independent, responsible parents, refusing to accept the yoke of an oppressive nanny state. We are living in a moment of great anxiety, but too often, in response, the state decides that personal decisions are better made by government fiat. I aim to celebrate the many Captain Mommies and Daddies out there who are working to reject government-issued parenting standards and are taking authority and responsibility for raising their own children. It will take a broad revolution to change the way we treat parents. No Child Left Alone will show that the change has already begun.
There Is a Tree That Stands
(Oyfn Veg Shteyt a Boym)
ITSIK MANGER
There is a tree that stands
And bows beside the road.
All its birds have fled away,
Leaving not a bird.
The tree, abandoned to the storm,
Stands there all alone:
Three birds east, and three birds west—
The others south have flown.
To my mother then, I say,
“If you won’t meddle, please,
I’ll turn myself into a bird
Right before your eyes.
All winter, I’ll sit on the tree
And sing him lullabies,
I’ll rock him and console him
With lovely melodies.”
Tearfully, my mother says,
“Don’t take any chances.
God forbid, up in the tree
You’ll freeze among the branches.”
“Mother, what a shame to spoil
Your eyes with tears,” I said,
Then, on the instant, I transformed
Myself into a bird.
My mother cried, “Oh, Itsik, love . . .
In the name of God,
Take a little scarf with you
To keep from catching cold.
And dear, put your galoshes on,
The winter’s cold and aching.
Be sure to wear your fleece-lined cap;
Woe’s me, my heart is breaking.
And, pretty fool, be sure to take
Your woolen underwear
And put it on, unless you mean
To lie a corpse somewhere.”
I try to fly, but I can’t move . . .
Too many, many things
My mother’s piled on her weak bird
And loaded down my wings.
I look into my mother’s eyes
And, sadly, there I see
The love that won’t let me become
The bird I want to be.
Criminalizing parents for raising independent, self-assured children
THOUGH IT WAS WRITTEN in the 1930s, this poem by Yiddish poet Itsik Manger perfectly presents the helicopter parent of the late 20th and early 21st centuries. Manger’s description of a stereotypical overprotective Jewish mother easily fits the mold of a generation’s worth of American parents who “protect” their kids so well the children have been prevented from enduring any minimal risks or responsibility that would also surely broaden their lives.
As I complete this manuscript, Manger’s poem provokes a very different image and in some ways a more discouraging one. Individuals can change their individual parenting styles or techniques. But when a larger entity intrudes, change can become more difficult to effectuate. In the 2015 version of the poem, the parent replaces the son and the mother becomes the nanny state, issuing rules, conditions, and definitions for the proper care of children that supersede parental authority and squash children’s independence and self-reliance. And while there has been some backlash from moms and dads against helicopter parenting—the no failure, no risk, no independence variety—along with many parents who never would or could ascribe to that philosophy in the first place, the police, child protective service workers, school administrators, and others in authority assert the state’s right to punish parents for breaking its norms and laws.
The irony is that whether you are a helicopter parent, like the mother in this poem, or if you ignore, reject, or want to break out of this mold, too often some representative of our intrusive, overprotective government comes along to impose a whole separate legal standard of safety and care. As we’ll see in this chapter, the results are punishment for parents and a variety of negative consequences for children.
THE GODMOTHER OF ALL CAPTAIN MOMMIES
Lenore Skenazy decided to let her nine-year-old son Izzy ride