In Full Velvet. Jenny Johnson. Читать онлайн. Newlib. NEWLIB.NET

Автор: Jenny Johnson
Издательство: Ingram
Серия:
Жанр произведения: Биология
Год издания: 0
isbn: 9781941411384
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lioness, growl, thrust, roll on backs afterward?

      Squeaky as killer whales

      We could keep contact relentless before

      the next sequence, diving deep in a reversed-role

      double-helix formation, splashing swagger

      to reveal the length of our pink organs Or

      we could be lady elephants heading down to the watering hole,

      gearing up to gather friends in the yard

      for a yipp-purr chorus, hammerhead stork pile-up Or Love

      we could pretend to be utter strangers!

      I, a house sparrow, and you, a cowbird, hopping over to chatter

      until you touch your lower bill, head bowed

      to my breast feathers

      Our days are charged by so much nature—

      The succulents we carry to Alexis in a plastic bag after her surgery

      A cat pawing at a mantis behind a windowpane

      What we didn’t wash from the lettuce, dirt that’s good danger

      Not pristine, not a baseline to harken after romantically

      Instead, I read that snowy cities should ready for rising heat, harder rain

      Have I come to terms with dominance—what I have trammeled

      and fogged with my breath? Flush cut, a redesigned ecology

      The dead won’t say how the forest was before we came

      And the pheromones I bury my face in under your arms

      make me a hazy archaeologist

      I must speak of erasure when I long to be leaf-whelmed,

      lit by fire pinks and wild sweet Williams How dare

      I speak of the marked when I am the diurnal creature damming

      the night sky with engineered lights We’ve generated a realm

      where we can always see, never see From an aerial

      view, here’s my bright address—refracting, scram-

      -bling, shutting out the dark O day in the Anthropocene

      when I go to pull up buttercups, bare-

      fingered, so I can better reach the runners, thin-rooted trams

      tunneling invasively Where’s Hope? Hope’s a weed, obscene

      on my head, springing white hairs

      Like an extinct frog who brought life by opening her mouth,

      many froglets bursting out, I brood A quiet storm

      at the water’s edge, a bloated cloud, all the roe I’ve swallowed whole

      I brood and brood, feeling old Hop in his final state

      crying out, I am gall, I am heartburn

      Until I feel a blaze unknown

      Feel first my lungs deflate, then like a sharpening harp

      the stomach acids start to transform

      I’m breathing through my skin, as an army grows in full

      Will all things return—if I so choose to burp—

      in nameless forms?

      Come second heartbeat sounding in the breast

      Come prismatic light dissembling

      Come familiar spirit Come bare-chested in the weeds

      Come private imposter Come hidden ballast

      Come sudden departures Come stress without shape

      Because belief is odd Come swaggering answer

      Come invisible ink Come beatific scrawl

      Come as squirrels are climbing backwards

      Come as dogwood blossoms come apart

      Come strumming an unspeakable power ballad

      Through a torrent of rain with cheeks flushed scarlet

      Come down the rusty metal slide

      Come belted kingfisher flapping

      Come lavender asters wheeling

      Come loose, a sapling lengthening

      Come honeysuckle Come glistening

      I picture the shameful length of it poking along behind me as I walk down

      Fifth Avenue, the odd sheen of it, shimmering in shop windows,

      How after too many beers, I’d lumber back into bed, its strangeness

      between my legs.

      But as the sun rises—the clean stretch, aesthetic vertebrae—how I might flex its

      elegant, careful weight.

      Consider my newfound balance, how gracefully I ascend a flight of stairs,

      teetering on one leg, my rump poised just so!

      Or how I might signal to my lover, wave fondly to her through the air,

      lift my fur to tickle her mouth, dash a small crumb off her lips.

      In a midnight alley, flashing my snowy underside like a switchblade, we’d sprint

      through underbrush.

      Had I a tail, I would be luminous and lingering as a comet, who traces the starry night

      with a broken ellipsis . . .

      *

      As a kid, I remember the small green bubble inside the carpenter’s level,

      How it would dart from corner to corner,

      And how good it felt to straddle the sawhorse, out behind the shed, half tomboy,

      half centaur,

      How I clenched a two-by-four between my thighbones and it was part of me.

      A nest of yellow jackets rose from beneath the splinters and, forgetting how to move,

      how to cry, how to run,

      I let them sting and sting and sting, eleven times, leaving swells on my arms, neck, legs,

      feet, and shoulders.

      *

      O Lord of Parts, O Holy Tool Shed!

      When I rise from these sore bones,

      Look what you’ve taken, what you’ve left me—

      When Aristotle dissected the embryos in bird eggs,

      he mistook the spinal cord for the heart.

      Anaximander of Miletus wrote that the first humans

      burst out of the mouths of fish

      and that we took form there

      and were held prisoners until puberty.

      At its root, taxidermy means to arrange skin.

      O Love, how precise is any vision?

      *

      Gut a body and we’re nothing left but pipes whistling in the breeze.

      That’s