Shocking Experiment
We often don’t see options that are right in front of us, especially if our previous experiences show us that they are impossible. Consider the implications of this “shocking experiment.”
In the 1960s, before animals had any protection, rights or representation, researchers would electric shock dogs when conducting experiments. One group of dogs could stop the shocks by pressing a lever. Another group of dogs could press the lever but it would not stop the shocks. So then when they put those dogs in a box where they could escape shock by jumping over a short divide, the dogs that had previously been shocked without relief simply laid down, as if to accept their fate. The dogs that had pressed the lever to stop the first shock jumped over the divide to escape the shocking situation. The dogs that laid down could not be threatened, bribed or shown how to jump over the simple obstacle. They had to physically experience being walked through it. The scientists lifted the legs of the dogs and mimicked the action of step-by-step going over the divider. After two experiences, the dogs could do it on their own. (Seligman and Meir, 1967).
Seligman, M.E.P.; Maier, S.F. (1967). “Failure to escape traumatic shock”. Journal of Experimental Psychology 74: 1–9.
The reason we do not change is that we have had experiences over and over that bring us to the belief that those dogs had. We cannot change our experience, so we lay down and accept it. There are usually a few things we are willing to change, but they are external rather than internal. The reason for this is because we are using the part of our brain that is designed to protect us. I refer to this as being in our head. In our head, our conscience sends our feelings as messengers, telling us to change. We don’t understand the message and try and protect ourselves. If we understand that feelings are actually indicators that we need to change, we can choose to use the part of our brain designed to progress. I refer to this as being in our heart. In our heart, our conscience uses our feelings as messengers, telling us to have courage and progress forward. Like the dogs, we can jump up and get out of that box. If we are in our head, we protect ourselves and let the past dictate our future rather than progress by leading from our heart. We keep playing the same game looking for different results, even though the solution can be as simple as jumping over a divide. I want to show you how to jump over the divide in your life. The problem is I can tell you all about it (remember the scientists threatening, bribing and modeling for the dogs), but it will not change anything until you experience doing it for yourself.
Rather than closing our heart so we do not get hurt, we need to have courage and choose to change how we experience the same experience from our heart. This new way of playing the game is not easy to learn or master, but it is a lot more fulfilling because we progress rather than repeat the same experiences over and over and over.
You can probably think of experiences you have where no matter what you do, you cannot seem to change. They may even be experiences that others are enacting on you. I am telling you there is another way.
You might have had an experience where you walked away feeling:
We interpret these feelings to mean that something is wrong with us and that we are alone. What if these experiences weren’t what you thought they were? What if the feelings you felt were telling you something different?
In summary, the problem is that we have had experiences where we have chosen to use our head to protect ourselves. We think knowing more or doing more will solve the problem, but in reality we need to choose a new experience by leading from our heart.
The Core Solution
Expressing Your Heart
“When we forget how to love and play, we start to fret, fight and go to war. When we forget to listen to our conscience, we risk doing the unconscionable.”
~Ken Shelton
As children, we love to play games because games give us a healthy outlet for our competitive drive and a chance to test ourselves against competitors or against some standard of performance. As adults, we play less and work more to solve problems. But remember, the root problems we face are caused by what we choose to experience—and they can’t be solved by working harder and longer. We need to play the game a different way, a better way.
Play the Game a New Way—Your Way
I offer you a chance to play the game of life in a way that is far more challenging and rewarding—the game of your life, your way. You were born to play this game. You have yearned to play it well, but perhaps not learned how to play it in healthy ways.
Even though I am now an author, I actually received my college degree in recreation. I studied the science of games. I like this definition of what a game is:
“A game is a problem-solving activity, approached with a playful attitude” (Jesse Schell: game designer, author, professor at Carnegie Mellon).
In order to play this game, you must first give up the plays in your current playbook that don’t work for you. Yes, they may work for you in one area, but they are not really working for you. You might not even know it, but you will be able to choose only what works. This will be hard at first, but over time you will see that winning this game of life is the real win you are looking for.
During this game, with the right plays, you will feel worthy and accepted. And there can be more than one winner! This is the abundant mentality— all who play with a winning strategy can walk away a worthy and accepted winner. It’s not like in second grade when the teacher told you that everyone is a winner just because no one is supposed to lose.
The feeling of being worthy is what it feels like to look into a child’s eyes. You know that children are worthy regardless of what they do or do not do. Their inherent worth is not based on doing, but simply their being.
Do you remember feeling this worthy?
Christine: I don’t. But I assume my parents felt the same way about me that I feel about my children. I had a great childhood. I guess I can remember feeling worthy in Mrs. Bizzell’s kindergarten classroom. She didn’t have favorites, rewarded hard work and respect and was kind to everyone.
The feeling of being accepted is what you feel when children hand you their drawing. You are not sure what it is, but you are proud of them. You know that this was their best effort—and that is enough. It’s all you need and all they need. You accept them for being them.
Do you remember feeling this accepted?
Christine: I remember my softball coach in