White Asparagus. D. R. Belz

how can we ordinary humans benefit from this amazing research? Sure, you’ve tried the low-carb diet, the Beverly Hills diet, the French Women Don’t Get Fat diet, the Israeli Army diet, South Beach diet, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, Slim Fast, Medifast, even Weight Loss 4 Idiots. But nothing seems to work, right?

      A better diet is to imitate our prehistoric ancestors in the forests primeval. Contrary to most fast food menus, our primitive ancestors were not dietary cretins. Their secret was called the Caveman Diet. It’s deceptively simple: Eat only what’s immediately available in the forest. This includes many nutritious things such as wild fruits and vegetables, nuts and seeds, eggs, fish and shellfish, berries, leaves, bark, flower blossoms, mushrooms, truffles, snails, insects, tree sap, and wild honey. Anything readily found in nature.

      Can you eat pancakes on the Caveman Diet? No! Pancakes require a) an artificial heat source, b) a non-stick cooking surface, and c) a batter mix not readily found in nature.

      Granola bars? Good question. While granola bars are indeed compressed slabs of honey, nuts, whole wheat or oats, and raisins, they are manufactured and extruded through machinery that you would not be able to find in the woods. So the typical caveman would not find modern granola bars in nature.

      What about doggie treats like Snausages? Same deal.

      How about chocolate syrup, you ask? No way. Chocolate syrup is full of high fructose corn syrup—again a processed product derived from fructose, corn, and syrup, three things not readily found in nature. Think: tree bark and acorn husks. Think: newts and grubs. Think: raw shredded wheat without the frosting.

      What about a fish fillet sandwich? Are you kidding? You have to catch the fish, ship it from the Indian Ocean to Thailand for processing, then fly the quick-frozen fish pieces to a factory in Mexico where the breading is baked on, then assemble the whole thing on a bun with a slice of American cheese from milk solids made in Australia and a blob of tartar sauce in your local fast-food joint. Way too many moving dietary parts. Remember: Cavemen ate only foods readily found in nature. Tartar sauce is definitely not found in nature.