Haiku for the Single Girl. Beth Griffenhagen

      

      Contents

       Haiku for the Single Girl

       Acknowledgements

       About the Author and Illustrator

       Copyright

      I feel its approach,

      Inevitable as death:

      Internet dating.

      I walk home alone,

      Bag covered in Wotsits dust.

      Should this depress me?

      My childhood sweetheart

      Has a toddler, and a gut,

      But I’d take him back.

      I am convinced that

      All available men are

      Somehow damaged goods.

      This town is alive

      With everything except

      Eligible men.

      I smile to myself

      Because I have a secret:

      My time is my own.

      Halloween party;

      I go as the Swedish Chef.

      Note to self: not cute.

      Sadly, the only

      Guy I’m going steady with

      Is my bartender.

      What makes me nervous

      Is the thought that I’ll forget

      How to date at all.

      After a dry spell

      It’s impressive how quickly

      Standards are lowered.

      I now understand

      The appeal of younger men,

      Which makes me feel old.

      “Whoa-oh here she comes,

      Watch out boy, she’ll chew you up!”

      Eh, I’ve been called worse.

      I always feel proud,

      So why is it referred to

      As the walk of shame?

      Blind dates aren’t so blind

      These days, but they’re still filled with

      Possibility.

      If you’re into her

      Don’t make her your Facebook friend.

      Be a man, and text!

      I try to avoid

      Artistic communities.

      (Throws off my gaydar.)

      I hope that men will

      Forgive me for not being

      Zooey Deschanel.

      Eyelash extensions?

      Really? This is standard now?