What I present, in my classes and in this book, is an introduction to the concept of meditation and mindfulness as healing tools. I am offering a simple, straightforward, logical way for you to dip your big toe into the pool, so to speak. If, when you finish this book, meditation appeals to you on any level, but you are not connecting with my style of instruction, please don’t give up! All it takes is a quick search of the internet to find other practices and techniques. I promise, you can find something that works for you.
Also, you should know, I am teaching cops to meditate, and they are loving it! In fact, I’m working with first responders from all professions and they are embracing these once new-agey, now mainstream practices with open arms. Well, they embrace them with open arms after begrudgingly sitting in class with their arms crossed in front of them for the first thirty minutes. I love the challenge!
So here we go. Uncross your arms and set those preconceptions aside. I have some things I’d like to share with you, because I really want you to live a long, healthy, happy life. You deserve it.
“Show me a hero and I’ll write you a tragedy.”
—F. Scott Fitzgerald
My husband dedicated thirty years of his life to a profession that trains warriors for battle but has no context for healing the invisible wounds of warfare. Did the job kill my husband? No. Was it a contributor? Absolutely.
Our first responders are very well trained, but their training does not prepare them for the mental and emotional impacts of the job.
Invisible Wounds
A majority of first responders suffer from symptoms of post-traumatic stress, which is a condition that develops in some people who encounter trauma. Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that alters a person’s ability to cope.
The average citizen has no idea what first responders see, hear, and endure throughout their careers. They are constantly exposed to and affected by the trauma of others: accidents, disaster, violence, abuse, neglect, victimization, and death. This type of trauma is known as secondary trauma.
First responders regularly encounter scenes and circumstances that most of us could not stomach. The sights, sounds, and smells from these experiences leave imprints on their psyches. Memories and images can continue to harm them after the event is over, and very often these invisible wounds do not heal on their own.
Post-traumatic stress (PTS) and secondary trauma are not visible like a burn, a gunshot wound, or a laceration. They occur on the inside, unseen, but they cause just as much, if not more, pain.
Left untreated, PTS and secondary trauma can be stealthy killers. They quietly ruin health, relationships, families, and lives. They can cause people to withdraw and isolate, or rage and lash out. They create devastation and rob individuals of the most basic human rights: life, love, and joy. However, they are treatable. But in order for treatment to become normalized, the shame and disgrace attached to seeking help must be eliminated.
Stigma
There has long been a stigma attached to mental health issues in these often stoic emergency-responder professions. If a person is brave (or desperate) enough to speak up about mental and emotional difficulties, they face the possibility of being labeled “weak,” “unstable,” or “incompetent.” Instead of receiving help, they might be demoted—or fired. This ridiculous stigma causes first responders to suffer in silence, forced to pretend they’re okay when they’re not.
This is what my husband did, for years and years. In order to survive in the law enforcement culture, David felt he had to remain silent about anxiety, depression, and other symptoms he suffered over the years. He was terrified of being deemed incompetent or unsuitable for the job. He worried about being stripped of his badge and gun and being fired without the ability to support his family and collect the pension he had worked so hard to build.
I want to make a point here about mental health and first responders, and I want to address first responders directly.
Getting treatment for mental health does not mean you are mentally ill. I try to always include the word “emotional,” when speaking about first responders who need help, because mental and emotional distress go hand in hand when they are caused by a stressful, traumatic profession. I say mental and emotional difficulties, or mental and emotional problems or issues.
I think one of the main reasons you haven’t sought or won’t seek help is that you don’t want people to think you’re mentally ill or crazy. First of all, mental illness is not the same as being crazy, and everyone needs to knock it off with that kind of language and thinking. Secondly, mental illness is treatable, is not necessarily permanent, and should never be stigmatized.
So, listen up! You have been mentally and emotionally wounded. This should not cause shame any more than a physical wound would.
If you are struggling mentally and emotionally because of the work you do and the things you’ve seen, you have been wounded. You are not weak, you are human.
And let me be blunt. If you are resistant to help and treatment because of the stigma, you are sacrificing your life to your job, and that is unacceptable. Some day you will leave this job, one way or another, and when you do, what will your life look like?
How is your mental, emotional, and physical health? What about your personal life, your relationships, and your social life? Are you happy, healthy, and thriving? Or do you operate in some version of survival mode, putting one foot in front of the other in a joyless existence?
I’ve met a lot of veteran and retired first responders who have been divorced more than once, drink too much, suffer from chronic health problems, and have adult children who won’t speak to them. So, if your plan is to give everything to your job and then be happy when you retire, consider this. When you retire, assuming you live that long, all the garbage that you’ve stuffed down and held in will still be there. It doesn’t magically disappear. It rots and festers. And, the day after you retire, the job goes on as if you never existed. Which means the job is just fine, whether you’re there or not.
Are you willing to give everything to a job that will not miss a beat when you leave?
And now I want to address leaders and commanders.
It is imperative that you immediately initiate and execute policies to end this stigma. This is a top-down situation that can only be fixed by the people at the top showing real leadership and compassion. Old-fashioned, outdated thinking must be tossed out the window. It’s time for the old-guard, “suck it up” leaders to retire and step aside if they are unwilling to embrace empathy and understanding.
If I hear about one more boss saying they don’t believe in PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), I think I will likely explode. If this is your mindset, it is time for you to hang it up, madam or sir. The world has passed you by and, not only are you standing in the way of progress, but your misinformed and misguided rhetoric and decisions are killing people.
Ripple Effects
I would be remiss in speaking to first responders and commanders if I didn’t address the ripple effects that occur when someone does make the choice to end their own life.
I’ve heard from people who have considered suicide, and some who have even attempted it, that at the point of choice, they believed everyone in their lives