Keeping to the rules not only helps children, but it helps us as well. If we take the time to explain the rules, rewards and sanctions, then we will understand better what we hope to achieve. We will also be less likely to lose control and punish harshly if we observe a fair system of warnings and positive rewards which we have established together.
Benedict's second point concerns the proper way to argue within the family. Notice that Benedict doesn't forbid argument. Instead he lays down some rules. So children should be forbidden from arguing with parents outside the home. This is not only an unsociable display of bad temper, but it shows disloyalty. Within the home disagreement is allowed, but the monk should never ‘argue rudely’ with the abbot. Somehow in family quarrels we have to express our anger without falling into uncontrolled rage and violence. We also have to avoid the error of bottling up our emotions and responding with supercilious superiority.
The usual reason that argument becomes either heated or icy is because a problem has been brewing for some time and no one has had the courage to bring it into the open. So the best way to keep argument manageable is to encourage constant and open communication. Both children and parents should be able to express their feelings honestly, but without losing control. Of course things sometimes become nasty. That's how we learn to wrestle with the dragon of our emotions. The remedy is not to forbid harsh words, but to struggle together to put things right with instant forgiveness, and the resolution to do better next time.
January 18
May 19
September 18
CHAPTER IV
THE TOOLS OF GOOD
WORKS (A)
In the first place to love the Lord God with all one's heart, with all one's soul and with all one's strength.
Then to love one's neighbour as oneself
Then not to kill
Not to commit adultery Not to steal
Not to covet
Not to bear false witness
To honour all men
Not to do to another what one would not wish to have done to oneself
To deny oneself in order to follow Christ
To punish one's body
Not to seek pleasures
To love fasting
To relieve the poor
To clothe the naked
To visit the sick
To bury the dead
To give help in trouble
To console the sorrowful
To avoid worldly behaviour
To set nothing before the love of Christ
This chapter is full of riches, and four lifetimes would be too short to plumb its depths, much less four days. Like all of Benedict's Rule, chapter four reads like common sense, but on closer reading we see a deep inner logic. We see how it is imbued with Scripture, and how its simple wisdom flows from a profound understanding of God's grace working within and through the complexities of human nature.
The first part of the chapter can be broken down into two sections. The first opens with two general rules: Jesus’ summary of the law to love God and our neighbour (Matt. 22.37–39; Mark 12.30–31; Luke 10.27). Then flowing from this are the commands not to injure others by killing, stealing, coveting, and lying. The section is summed up with two other general rules: to honour everyone (1 Pet. 2.17), and to treat others as we wish to be treated (Tobit 4.16; Matt. 7.12; Luke 6.31).
The second part of the reading has to do with self-control. It starts with this verse: ‘To deny oneself in order to follow Christ’. So we should discipline the body. And the later verse which reads ‘Not to seek pleasures’ has been charmingly translated by Catherine Wybourne as, ‘Not to hug good things to oneself’. Finally, we exercise self-control with fasting. The practice of fasting is a discipline which opens windows of the soul. Just one aspect of the benefit of fasting is a greater identification with those in need. So we are called to minister to the physical and emotional needs of others before being reminded to ‘set nothing before the love of Christ’.
This is no mere list of do's and dont's. Instead the order of the list shows us not only what to do, but how to do it and why to do it. The first part of the list gives us a high command to love God and our neighbour. We do this by learning self-control. The monk disciplines himself physically in order to learn inner control. The fruit of this self-control is the active love of others, and eventually the ability to ‘set nothing before the love of Christ’.
The family gives us the context to use these ‘tools of good works’. We have to share, we have to get up in the middle of the night for a crying infant. We have to sacrifice ourselves to support our family. In addition, the family is a unit which can administer these virtues in the world. Together the family can reach out to others and minister God's love, so fulfilling Christ's twofold command to love God and our neighbour – remembering that in our needy neighbour Christ himself is found (Matt. 25.31–46).
January 19
May 20
September 19
CHAPTER IV
THE TOOLS OF GOOD
WORKS (B)
Not to give way to anger
Not to cherish an opportunity for displaying one's anger
Not to preserve deceit in one's heart
Not to give the kiss of peace insincerely Not to abandon charity
Not to swear, for fear of perjury
To speak with one's mouth the truth that lies in one's heart
Not to return evil for evil
Not to inflict any injury, but to suffer injuries patiently
To love one's enemies
Not to curse anyone who curses us, but instead to return a blessing
To suffer persecution for righteousness’ sake
Not to be arrogant
Not given to drinking
Not a heavy eater
Not given to much sleeping
Not lazy
Not a grumbler
Not a detractor
To rest one's hope in God
Whenever one perceives any good in oneself to attribute it to God, not to one's self
But to recognise that whatever