Active Listening: Improve Your Ability to Listen and Lead, First Edition. Michael H. Hoppe

      • show respect

      • build self-esteem

      • find answers

      • show appreciation

      • buy time

      • connect

      • question assumptions and ideas

      • weigh options

      • change perspectives

      • soothe or heal

      • set the stage for something else

      • build relationships

      To begin, assess your listening skills with the worksheet on the following pages.

       Assess Your Listening Skills

       Do you have a listening problem? To assess how well you listen to others, rate yourself on the following behaviors. Use a five-point scale:

       When I listen to others:

      1. ___ I sit behind my desk, accept phone calls, shuffle papers, or otherwise communicate by my activities or gestures that I am not fully attentive.

      2. ___ I have a hard time concentrating on what is being said.

      3. ___ I am annoyed when someone slows me down.

      4. ___ I think about what I want to say next rather than about what the other person is saying.

      5. ___ I don’t like it when someone questions my ideas or actions.

      6. ___ I interrupt or show signs of impatience as I wait for the other person to finish talking.

      7. ___ I give advice too soon; I suggest courses of action or solutions to problems before the other person has fully explained his or her perspective.

      8. ___ I tell people not to feel the way they do.

      9. ___ I sense that people seem upset after talking to me.

      10. ___ I tend to talk significantly more than the other person talks.

      11. ___ I make it a point to fill any silences.

      12. ___ I am uncomfortable or at a loss when the other person expresses emotions.

      13. ___ I have a hard time understanding what people are trying to say.

      14. ___ I avoid asking any questions that would encourage the other person to talk more.

      15. ___ I ask questions for which I already have the answers.

      16. ___ I expect yes or no answers.

      17. ___ I frequently lose track of where the conversation is going.

      18. ___ I have a hard time remembering what has been said when a conversation is over.

      19. ___ I frequently discover that things the other person and I have agreed upon during a conversation don’t get done.

      20. ___ I avoid having things repeated by the other person or myself.

      21. ___ I keep my thoughts to myself.

      22. ___ I keep my feelings to myself.

      23. ___ I avoid sharing personal experiences.

      24. ___ I try hard not to let the other person know how his or her behavior during the conversation affects me.

       We’ll revisit this assessment further along in this book.

       The Active Listening Skill Set

      Active listening is a person’s willingness and ability to hear and understand. Many of us intuitively know what active listening looks, sounds, and feels like. However, we may not know what to do to be successful at it. By learning the skills and behaviors of active listening, leaders can become more effective listeners and, over time, improve their ability to lead.

      It is useful to think of active listening as an exchange between people. On one level, the quality of a conversation can be improved when one person is engaged in active listening. Leaders who practice active listening are able to draw out more information and more meaningful information during a conversation. At its most engaging and effective, active listening is the norm for conversation and everyone involved is a full participant. It involves bringing about and finding common ground, connecting to each other, and opening up to new possibilities.

      Active listening involves six skills: paying attention, suspending judgment, reflecting, clarifying, summarizing, and sharing. Each skill contributes to the active listening mind-set, and each skill includes various techniques or behaviors. These skills are not mutually exclusive. For example, paying attention isn’t something you stop doing when you suspend judgment. Nor are the skills consistently weighted in importance. In one conversation, clarifying may take much effort and time; in another conversation, gaining clarity and understanding may be quick and easy.