As I grew older I came in contact with a number of comparatively successful men, and I lost no opportunity of tactfully sounding them concerning this subject. Most of them, at least at first, pooh-poohed the idea; but afterward, in moments of unusual confidence, a number of them somewhat reluctantly and almost shamefacedly acknowledged to me that at times they were convinced that there was "something about" them, or rather "something outside or above" them, which aided and assisted them in their success—something which inspired and guided them often in spite of their own previous ideas and convictions concerning their course of action. This was rather a new idea to me, or, at least, a variation of my old idea. I determined to investigate the matter further.
As I grew still older, and was thrown more and closer in contact with men of affairs and of prominence in the world, I found that in the secret heart of most of them there existed a silent, indefinite, but still strong feeling that there was a "something outside" which was "on their side", and which was always working silently in their behalf—a brooding Something which was a fount of strength and an unfailing resource. This seemed to be the fundamental idea—the essence of the thought or experience; but nearly all of these persons had each his own interpretation of the essential fact.
Those of strong religious convictions held that "the Lord is on my side; He has been good to me, and always has responded to my call". Others seemed to believe in a Favoring Destiny, or even a "lucky star". Others spoke vaguely of "higher powers", or "beings on the other shore", who were working in their behalf.
Others had rather gross superstitions concerning the case—incredible superstitions they seemed, considering the standing of the men holding them. One and all, however, held that "that something about" them was really a "something above" them in which they had come to believe and to trust, by reason of their own experience in the matter.
A few points, however, were impressed upon my mind, in connection with these cases, namely, that (1) the greater the degree of faith in the "something above" held by the individual, the greater seemed to be his degree of success attributed to such influence; (2) that it seemed to make but little difference just what the person believed to be his beneficent and powerful "something above", provided that he believed in it—whether it was Divine Providence, Destiny, or a Magic Charm, it seemed to "work" provided that he believed in it "hard enough"; and (3) that the more faith and belief the person had in that "something", the greater grew his faith and belief in himself.
When the person got to believe that the "Something" and himself were in partnership, the former as silent partner, and himself as active partner, then the firm became a mighty one, and he, himself, as the outward front of the combination became filled with self-confidence and self-reliance. It was all merely the variation of the old theme of "Gott und Ich", "Gott mit uns", or "The Lord is on my side", notwithstanding the fact that the idea of the helpful Supreme Being was absent in the conception of many of these firm believers in the "Something".
I sometimes thought that if one of these persons firmly believed that "Something" to be an old brass door-knob, and provided that he believed in it implicitly just as the others believed in Providence, or in Destiny, or in "My Lucky Star", then that door-knob would "do the work" for him in like manner.
In short, I came to the conclusion that the "Something" was Unknown—perhaps Unknowable—and that the verbal, ideal or physical symbols employed by various persons to represent it, and by them believed to be the thing itself, were really what might be called "points of contact" with that, Transcendent Reality, by means of which there was established a sort of condition of "rapport" between the individual and that "Something".
But, in spite of all of my speculations and theorizing about the matter, the thought never occurred to me that this "Something" might be found within the being of the individual himself, rather than "about" or "above" him. I seemed to have a mental or spiritual "blind spot" which caused me to ignore that immediate source of Reality and Power—that Something Within. I don't know how I happened to miss this important point, but miss it I did. I was like the man who fruitlessly sought all over the world for many years for a certain buried treasure, only in the end to find it in the garden around his own home to which he had returned in his old age. Or, like the shipwrecked crew, parched with thirst and dying for want of water, who had unknowingly entered into the extended current of a great sea-flowing river, and who perished though they had but to dip their pails over the side of their boat.
So, accordingly, I sought on all sides and from all sources to obtain a knowledge of this mysterious "Something" in which was vested the Inner Secret of Success and Personal Power. I investigated the various "new" metaphysical cults which were coming into prominence even at that early day, but I found in them merely a more or less fantastic and fanciful application of the principle of which I have spoken. They obtained results, of course—all of them, in spite of their conflicting dogmas and theories. Each claimed to possess the Inner Secret, and to have the one and only truth—yet all obtained results in about the same measure.
It seemed to me here, as in the other cases mentioned, that these people were but employing symbols by means of which, to some degree, they managed to "contact" the Something—they were employing different kinds of brass door-knobs, that's all, it appeared to me.
I could have obtained a measure of good results by adopting the methods and beliefs of some of these folks, just as I could have obtained the same by adopting some of the various methods and beliefs of some of the successful business men, and men of affairs, whom I have mentioned. But these (to me) mere "brass door-knobs" were not sufficient. I refused to temporize or to compromise with Truth-I wanted the Truth, the Whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth, and would be satisfied with nothing short of that. I was stiff-necked necked and stubborn—but I was unable to act otherwise.
And so, I continued my Quest for' the "Something"—for the Inner Secret. From the "new" metaphysical schools, and the quasi-religions or pseudo-religions based upon the same general principles, I passed on to the numerous so-called "occult" and "mystic" cults which were even then found in considerable number, though not in the great variety manifested in after years. I found that these were for the most part mere re-hashes of the philosophies of Ancient India or 'of Ancient Greece, often garbled and distorted by reason of the ignorance of their founders or teachers. Brushing aside the superficial coverings, I found in them also but the effort to "contact" a "Something" by means of verbal or formal symbols. "Merely some new varieties of brass door-knobs", thought I.
I could have obtained benefit by employing the methods of some of these schools, or cults—for undoubtedly they had "gotten hold of something", as a practical business friend of mine once brusquely stated it. But I felt that while this was probably so, still even the "head ones" seemingly did not know just what it was which they had "gotten hold of"; and in their endeavors to build up a philosophy or an organization upon the results obtained by their methods, they often lost entirely the original spirit of the Something, and buried the whole thing under a heavy rock of form and dogma, upon which they took the exalted place of the "marble figger" of claimed absolute authority. I was not satisfied with this—I wanted to get back to the Original Source!
I took up the study of the leading philosophies, ancient and modern, oriental and occidental; here I found much to exercise my intellect, and to enable me to know that I did not know, and why I did not know, and how to discover philosophical error and fallacy. But, otherwise, there was no awakening of Intuition, and no arousing of Inner Experience—all was on the surface of Intellect. I had failed to find my "Something," of which an ancient sage said: "When THAT is known, all is known."
But, all the more, I became convinced that such "Something" existed, and might be found by him who knew how and where to look for it. I felt that its doors were capable of Hying open in response to "The Right Knock." I had looked everywhere but Within—and I did not know the talismanic Right Knock. All the time, however, as I now see it, I was preparing myself for the Truth when it should be revealed to me. All the time, I was treading the Path which led to Truth. I do not regret a single