MALVOLIO. Fool, there was never man so notoriously abus’d; I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.
CLOWN. But as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool.
MALVOLIO. They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness, send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to face me out of my wits.
CLOWN.
Advise you what you say; the minister is here. Malvolio,
Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore! endeavour thyself to
sleep, and leave thy vain bibble babble.
MALVOLIO.
Sir Topas!
CLOWN.
Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Who, I, sir? not I, sir.
God be wi’ you, good Sir Topas! Marry, amen. I will, sir, I
will.
MALVOLIO.
Fool, fool, fool, I say!
CLOWN. Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am shent for speaking to you.
MALVOLIO. Good fool, help me to some light and some paper. I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.
CLOWN.
Well-a-day that you were, sir!
MALVOLIO. By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper, and light; and convey what I will set down to my lady. It shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did.
CLOWN. I will help you to ‘t. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit?
MALVOLIO.
Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true.
CLOWN. Nay, I’ll ne’er believe a madman till I see his brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.
MALVOLIO.
Fool, I ‘ll requite it in the highest degree; I prithee, be gone.
CLOWN.
[Singing]
I am gone, sir,
And anon, sir,
I ‘ll be with you again,
In a trice,
Like to the old Vice,
Your need to sustain;
Who, with dagger of lath,
In his rage and his wrath,
Cries, ah, ha! to the devil:
Like a mad lad,
Pare thy nails, dad;
Adieu, goodman devil.
[Exit.]
SCENE III.
OLIVIA’S garden.
[Enter SEBASTIAN.]
SEBASTIAN.
This is the air; that is the glorious sun;
This pearl she gave me, I do feel ‘t and see ‘t;
And though ‘t is wonder that enwraps me thus,
Yet ‘t is not madness. Where ‘s Antonio, then?
I could not find him at the Elephant:
Yet there he was; and there I found this credit,
That he did range the town to seek me out.
His counsel now might do me golden service;
For though my soul disputes well with my sense,
That this may be some error, but no madness,
Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune
So far exceed all instance, all discourse,
That I am ready to distrust mine eyes
And wrangle with my reason, that persuades me
To any other trust but that I am mad,
Or else the lady ‘s mad; yet if ‘t were so,
She could not sway her house, command her followers,
Take and give back affairs and their dispatch
With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing
As I perceive she does. There ‘s something in ‘t
That is deceivable. But here the lady comes.
[Enter OLIVIA and PRIEST.]
OLIVIA.
Blame not this haste of mine. If you mean well,
Now go with me and with this holy man
Into the chantry by. There, before him,
And underneath that consecrated roof,
Plight me the full assurance of your faith;
That my most jealous and too doubtful soul
May live at peace. He shall conceal it
Whiles you are willing it shall come to note,
What time we will our celebration keep
According to my birth. What do you say?
SEBASTIAN.
I ‘ll follow this good man, and go with you;
And, having sworn truth, ever will be true.
OLIVIA.
Then lead the way, good father; and heavens so shine
That they may fairly note this act of mine!
[Exeunt.]
ACT V.
SCENE I.
Before OLIVIA’s house.
[Enter CLOWN and FABIAN.]
FABIAN.
Now, as thou lov’st me, let me see his letter.
CLOWN.
Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.
FABIAN.
Any thing.
CLOWN.
Do not desire to see this letter.
FABIAN.
This is, to give a dog, and in recompense desire my dog again.
[Enter DUKE, VIOLA, CURIO, and LORDS.]
DUKE.
Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends?
CLOWN.
Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings.
DUKE.
I know thee well; how dost thou, my good fellow?
CLOWN.
Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse for my friends.
DUKE.
Just the contrary; the better for thy friends.
CLOWN.
No, sir, the worse.
DUKE.
How can that be?
CLOWN. Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me. Now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by my foes, sir, I profit