misdemeanors. If our young friend studied punctuation, it
would be well.]
________
A SAD ACCIDENT
On Friday last, we were startled by a violent shock
in our basement, followed by cries of distress.
On rushing in a body to the cellar, we discovered our beloved
President prostrate upon the floor, having tripped and
fallen while getting wood for domestic purposes. A perfect
scene of ruin met our eyes, for in his fall Mr. Pickwick
had plunged his head and shoulders into a tub of water,
upset a keg of soft soap upon his manly form, and torn
his garments badly. On being removed from this perilous
situation, it was discovered that he had suffered
no injury but several bruises, and we are happy to add,
is now doing well.
ED.
________
THE PUBLIC BEREAVEMENT
It is our painful duty to record the sudden and
mysterious disappearance of our cherished friend, Mrs.
Snowball Pat Paw. This lovely and beloved cat was the
pet of a large circle of warm and admiring friends; for
her beauty attracted all eyes, her graces and virtues
endeared her to all hearts, and her loss is deeply felt
by the whole community.
When last seen, she was sitting at the gate, watching
the butcher’s cart, and it is feared that some villain,
tempted by her charms, basely stole her. Weeks have passed,
but no trace of her has been discovered, and we relinquish
all hope, tie a black ribbon to her basket, set aside her
dish, and weep for her as one lost to us forever.
________
A sympathizing friend sends the following gem:
A LAMENT
(FOR S. B. PAT PAW)
We mourn the loss of our little pet,
And sigh o’er her hapless fate,
For never more by the fire she’ll sit,
Nor play by the old green gate.
The little grave where her infant sleeps
Is ‘neath the chestnut tree.
But o’er her grave we may not weep,
We know not where it may be.
Her empty bed, her idle ball,
Will never see her more;
No gentle tap, no loving purr
Is heard at the parlor door.
Another cat comes after her mice,
A cat with a dirty face,
But she does not hunt as our darling did,
Nor play with her airy grace.
Her stealthy paws tread the very hall
Where Snowball used to play,
But she only spits at the dogs our pet
So gallantly drove away.
She is useful and mild, and does her best,
But she is not fair to see,
And we cannot give her your place dear,
Nor worship her as we worship thee.
A.S.
________
ADVERTISEMENTS
MISS ORANTHY BLUGGAGE, the accomplished
strongminded lecturer, will deliver her
famous lecture on “WOMAN AND HER POSITION”
at Pickwick Hall, next Saturday Evening,
after the usual performances.
A WEEKLY MEETING will be held at Kitchen
Place, to teach young ladies how to cook.
Hannah Brown will preside, and all are
invited to attend.
The DUSTPAN SOCIETY will meet on Wednesday
next, and parade in the upper story of the
Club House. All members to appear in uniform
and shoulder their brooms at nine precisely.
Mrs. BETH BOUNCER will open her new
assortment of Doll’s Millinery next week.
The latest Paris fashions have arrived,
and orders are respectfully solicited.
A NEW PLAY will appear at the Barnville
Theatre, in the course of a few weeks, which
will surpass anything ever seen on the American stage.
“The Greek Slave, or Constantine the Avenger,” is the name
of this thrilling drama!!!
HINTS
If S.P. didn’t use so much soap on his hands,
he wouldn’t always be late at breakfast. A.S.
is requested not to whistle in the street. T.T
please don’t forget Amy’s napkin. N.W. must
not fret because his dress has not nine tucks.
WEEKLY REPORT
Meg-Good.
Jo-Bad.
Beth-Very Good.
Amy-Middling.
_________________________________________________
As the President finished reading the paper (which I beg leave to assure my readers is a bona fide copy of one written by bona fide girls once upon a time), a round of applause followed, and then Mr. Snodgrass rose to make a proposition.
“Mr. President and gentlemen,” he began, assuming a parliamentary attitude and tone, “I wish to propose the admission of a new member-one who highly deserves the honor, would be deeply grateful for it, and would add immensely to the spirit of the club, the literary value of the paper, and be no end jolly and nice. I propose Mr. Theodore Laurence as an honorary member of the P. C. Come now, do have him.”
Jo’s sudden change of tone made the girls laugh, but all looked rather anxious, and no one said a word as Snodgrass took his seat.
“We’ll put it to a vote,” said the President. “All in favor of this motion please to manifest it by saying, ‘Aye’.”
A loud response from Snodgrass, followed, to everybody’s surprise, by a timid one from Beth.
“Contrary-minded say, ‘No’.”
Meg and Amy were contrary-minded, and Mr. Winkle rose to say with great elegance, “We don’t wish any boys, they only joke and bounce about. This is a ladies’ club, and we wish to be private and proper.”
“I’m afraid he’ll laugh at our paper, and make fun of us afterward,” observed Pickwick, pulling the little curl on her forehead, as she always did when doubtful.
Up rose Snodgrass, very much in earnest. “Sir, I give you my word as a gentleman, Laurie won’t do anything