ROBIN
I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man than follow him like a dwarf.
MRS. PAGE
O! you are a flattering boy: now I see you’ll be a courtier.
[Enter FORD.]
FORD
Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?
MRS. PAGE
Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?
FORD
Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company. I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry.
MRS. PAGE
Be sure of that — two other husbands.
FORD
Where had you this pretty weathercock?
MRS. PAGE
I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of. What do you call your knight’s name, sirrah?
ROBIN
Sir John Falstaff.
FORD
Sir John Falstaff!
MRS. PAGE
He, he; I can never hit on’s name. There is such a league between my good man and he! Is your wife at home indeed?
FORD
Indeed she is.
MRS. PAGE
By your leave, sir: I am sick till I see her.
[Exeunt MRS. PAGE and ROBIN.]
FORD
Has Page any brains? Hath he any eyes? Hath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile as easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve score. He pieces out his wife’s inclination; he gives her folly motion and advantage; and now she’s going to my wife, and Falstaff’s boy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind: and Falstaff’s boy with her! Good plots! They are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Actaeon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim. [Clock strikes.] The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search; there I shall find Falstaff. I shall be rather praised for this than mocked; for it is as positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is there. I will go.
[Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, HOST, SIR HUGH EVANS, CAIUS, and RUGBY.]
SHALLOW, PAGE, &c
Well met, Master Ford.
FORD
Trust me, a good knot; I have good cheer at home, and I pray you all go with me.
SHALLOW
I must excuse myself, Master Ford.
SLENDER
And so must I, sir; we have appointed to dine with Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I’ll speak of.
SHALLOW
We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.
SLENDER
I hope I have your good will, father Page.
PAGE
You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you. But my wife, Master doctor, is for you altogether.
CAIUS
Ay, be-gar; and de maid is love-a me: my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush.
HOST
What say you to young Master Fenton? He capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holiday, he smells April and May; he will carry ‘t, he will carry ‘t; ‘tis in his buttons; he will carry ‘t.
PAGE
Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild Prince and Pointz; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance; if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way.
FORD
I beseech you, heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will show you a monster. Master Doctor, you shall go; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh.
SHALLOW
Well, fare you well; we shall have the freer wooing at Master Page’s.
[Exeunt SHALLOW and SLENDER.]
CAIUS
Go home, John Rugby; I come anon.
[Exit RUGBY.]
HOST
Farewell, my hearts; I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him.
[Exit HOST.]
FORD
[Aside] I think I shall drink in pipe-wine first with him. I’ll make him dance.
Will you go, gentles?
ALL
Have with you to see this monster.
[Exeunt.]
SCENE III. A room in Ford’s house
[Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE.]
MRS. FORD
What, John! what, Robert!
MRS. PAGE
Quickly, quickly: — Is the buck-basket —
MRS. FORD
I warrant. What, Robin, I say!
[Enter SERVANTS with a basket.]
MRS. PAGE
Come, come, come.
MRS. FORD
Here, set it down.
MRS. PAGE
Give your men the charge; we must be brief.
MRS. FORD
Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brew-house; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and, without any pause or staggering, take this basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet-Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.
MRS. PAGE
You will do it?
MRS. FORD
I have told them over and over; they lack no direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.
[Exeunt SERVANTS.]
MRS. PAGE
Here comes little Robin.
[Enter ROBIN.]
MRS. FORD
How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you?
ROBIN
My Master Sir John is come in at your back-door, Mistress Ford, and requests your company.
MRS. PAGE
You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?
ROBIN
Ay, I’ll be sworn. My master knows not of your being here, and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for he swears he’ll turn me away.
MRS. PAGE