“Yeah.”
My mom left and I took off my dress and put on a tank top. I washed my feet in the shower and brushed my teeth with her toothbrush. I got into bed with my book but when I put my head on the pillow it was all I could do to reach over and turn off the light before I fell asleep.
• • •
When I woke up it was early. The light coming into the room was white but not hot. I looked at the clock and it was seven twenty. I didn’t want to wake up my mom so I read in bed until seven forty. Then I really had to pee, so I left the room quietly and was about to turn into the bathroom when I realized there was no one on the couch.
“Mom?” I said.
She wasn’t in the bathroom and she wasn’t in the kitchen, and I figured she must be in the office doing an early checkout or something. I peed and put on shorts and a T-shirt and went downstairs, hoping that no one would see me.
She wasn’t in the office and she wasn’t outside the office and I didn’t see her going in or out of any of the guest rooms. I went back up to the apartment. I had a feeling she was still at Martin’s, but what if she wasn’t? I started to feel sick. I sat down in one of the chairs in the kitchen. What if something happened to her when she was walking back from Martin’s? There was this town in Maine where I went with my dad and his girlfriend a couple of summers in high school, and every year when we got there, there had just been a murder on the beach. The murders were never premeditated; they just happened because drunk people got knives, or people with knives got drunk.
I was sure my mom was fine but my chest felt tight. I picked up my book to distract myself but I couldn’t read. I felt like I should eat something but I wasn’t hungry. Finally I did the kind of breathing my doctor taught me to help me sleep at night, where you breathe in and breathe out and you don’t think about anything else, which I now know is called meditation. It never worked that well for me but I didn’t know what else to do. I thought I should call Martin, but I didn’t have his number or know where he lived.
Instead I called Dana from the phone in the office. I hoped it cost a million dollars.
“Hello?” said Dana. “Lala!” I had woken her up. “Did you do it?”
“What?”
“Did you tell her?”
“What? No. I don’t even know where she is.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“I don’t know where she is. I think she’s at her boyfriend’s house. But she never came back last night.”
“Oh my god, Lala, that’s horrible.”
“It’s fine,” I said. “I’m sure she’ll be home any minute.”
“God, I hope so,” she said. “Are you going to tell her when she gets back?”
“Yes,” I said. “Of course, I’ll tell her right away.”
“Are you being sarcastic?”
“Not at all,” I said. “Maybe I’ll hide in the kitchen and when she comes in I’ll jump out and shout, ‘I’m gay!’”
“You’re being sarcastic.”
I told Dana I had to go. Even when I found my mom, I wasn’t going to tell her. Maybe I would tell Dana that I did it and that my mom and I both cried, and my mom told me she knew all along and she loved me no matter what. I didn’t think it would count as lying because it didn’t really matter if my mom knew or not.
I hung up and dialed my grandpa in Mexico City.
• • •
I heard the office door open a little after nine, and I heard my mom’s sandals on the stairs. I went into the living room as she opened the door to the apartment.
“Baby,” she said. “I didn’t think you’d be up.”
“Where were you?” I said. I didn’t want to touch her but I gave her a hug because I wanted to feel that she was okay.
“I stayed at Martin’s. I thought I would get back before you got up.”
“I got up really early,” I said. “I had no idea where you were.”
“Oh baby,” she said.
“I thought something bad happened to you on the way back last night,” I said.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m really sorry. Let me make you something to eat.”
She went into the kitchen and started cutting up fruit and I went into the bedroom and started packing my bag.
When I went back to the kitchen she said, “What do you want to do today, baby? Do you want to just lie on the beach? You’re so pale.”
“That’s because I thought you got murdered,” I said.
“Oh Lala, are you really that upset about it? I wouldn’t have left you if I knew you would worry, but you’re a big girl, I thought you’d be fine.”
“I wasn’t fine,” I said. “I think I might go to Grandpa’s.”
“What? Why?”
“Then you can hang out with Martin as much as you want.”
“I only saw him when you were sleeping, baby. I didn’t think you would care.”
“And at dinner. And you said you were coming right back.”
“Okay,” she said. “I won’t see him again while you’re here. I’ll take you to Acapulco. We’ll go to the beach and we’ll go see the cliff divers.”
“I told Grandpa I was coming.”
“You called him?” She started to cry.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I was mad.”
She cried and cried and I looked at the ceiling.
Finally I felt too bad and said, “Maybe we can go to Acapulco before I leave.”
She looked up. “Yeah?”
“Sure,” I said. “It’s on the way.”
She cried harder for a few seconds and then she slowed down and her breathing went back to normal and after a minute she stood up and went to the sink and splashed her face with water.
“Should we go now?” she said. “We might make it to see the divers at noon.”
“Sure,” I said.
“If we wear bathing suits we can go to the beach after. You can go in the water there.”
“Okay.”
“I should bring that Victoria’s Secret underwear. Those beaches are full of rich Mexicans. I could charge a lot more. I could make a killing.”
“Great,” I said. I could tell that this had been the plan all along. “Grandpa would help you, you know.”
“That is such a smart idea, Lala. I don’t know why I never thought of that.”
“Fine,” I said, stung.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “That was mean.”
We put on our suits and got ready to go.
“Should I bring my bag?” I said.
“It’s up to you,” she said.
“I can always bring it back here,” I said.
“Right,” she said, and gave me a weak smile.
We took the bus to Acapulco, and when we got there we bought juices and walked up to the Quebrada. I wheeled my suitcase and my mom carried her bags of underwear.