He sounds so sure, and I’m glad. Mainly because I can’t speak and even if I managed to I’m sure I’d do something dumb when I did. Blubber, probably. Laugh it off, this thing we’ve got – this thing born out of fists and brutality and bitter lives made up of nothing.
It’s good that he keeps talking, really – right past everything I can’t say.
‘How come you never answer?’ he wants to know. ‘I ask you a question, you never answer. Afraid the answer’s yes, huh? Don’t wanna get caught out saying yes to the likes of me.’
He’s smiling, though, when I look at him. The teasing smile that tells me I don’t have to really say – and then I realise. It floods through me, the understanding of how he is different to every other man I’ve been with.
‘I never have to answer with you,’ I say, and I think of those big arms of his holding me as I fall down, down, into this sea of strange love. ‘You already know.’
‘Go on, Tia,’ he says, and I want to say no. But he’s rubbing and teasing my nipples – which are tight and swollen anyway – and it’s real muggy and close in here, and I don’t know. Why would I want to say no, again?
He knows that I like what he’s doing. He sticks out his tongue and wets the material of my T-shirt, pushing that slickness down and down through the material until it’s all over my stiff nipple. And then he licks and sucks the tip until I’m squirming on the airbed, glancing across at the sleeping forms of Sean and Kay.
They’re going to wake up. It’s obvious they’re going to. I’m not a quiet fucker and we’re only in this tiny little tent.
I spread my legs open for him anyway. He gives me this cheeky grin when I do, before getting his hand right down there to rub and worry my clit. I’m already really wet, so his fingers just slide around in all my juice, easing down to my grasping hole before coming back up to rub me some more.
Any second I’m going to come. I’m going to come in a tent with our friends right there next to us, and I’ll be really loud and probably say dirty stuff like fuck my cunt.
When he slides down, down into the tight heat of our shared sleeping bag – that smirky smile still on his cheeky lips – I hiss at him no. No, God no. I fight against him in the strict confines of the sleeping bag, but he’s between my legs before I know it. He just tugs my knickers aside and runs his tongue along the length of my slit, all over the plump outer lips, and then worms inside to find my stiff bud.
I know why he’s doing this. I do. It’s all because I confessed that I think Sean’s a real cutie, and he confessed that he thinks Kay’s a babe, and everything is now going downhill from there. At the top of the hill are normal people, who get jealous when their other halves talk about how hot someone else is. At the bottom there’s us, trying to get off with our objects of desire right next to us.
I bite my lip hard and glance across at them. Both of them are still sleeping, but that doesn’t help me all that much. They’re so pretty to look at and this is such a filthy thing, that it only gets me closer to coming. Sean’s got this sexy mouth, real soft and sensual with lips that hardly seem to have any outline. And his eyelashes are like a girl’s, fanning out soft and charcoal black against his milky skin.
Ryan thinks he’s too feminine, but that’s not true. He’s got a real masculine air about him, what with the strong jaw and his jutting chin. His blue eyes go right through you, and it almost makes me wish they were open, now.
Almost.
And, oh God, Kay’s lovely, too. I can see what Ryan likes about her. That great big thick swatch of red hair, that cupid’s bow mouth. I bet a mouth like that looks amazing sliding down Sean’s cock, while he arches up on the bed for her. I bet he arches. I bet they look so good together, what with her being so small and slight and him so big.
And then Ryan catches the underside of my clit with just a flick of his tongue, and I forget whatever it was I’d been thinking. The trembles my body is going through spiral suddenly out of control, and a tense, tight orgasm grabs holds of me – one that makes me jerk and groan and cream all over his face, picturing Sean’s mouth pressing against Kay’s sex. His tongue in her pussy, circling her clit.
God, that’s good.
It’s so good that I don’t stop Ryan when he climbs back over me, and notches the head of his cock against my slippery hole.
‘My turn now,’ he says as he shoves in, and I notice that he can’t stop his eyes straying over to Sean and Kay, either. Ah, the grass is always greener. Though I suspect the grass is meant to stay green and over there. Not right in our faces as we fuck an inch away from it.
‘I love you,’ I tell him, as he drives into me. ‘I love you.’
But I’m staring at Sean’s sleeping face as I say it.
We’re being far too loud, and I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised when Sean opens his eyes. Though I am just the same, and even more so because I’m looking right at him when he does it. He seems startled to see me so close and intent on him, but then that’s how he is. A little nervous, a little uptight.
I’m sure he’s going to get tighter still when he realises what we’re doing.
I don’t shy away, and so I see him studying me close up. His eyes inch over the rutting shapes we make slowly, in sections: first flicking to the place where our joined hips will be, beneath the sleeping bag. Then to Ryan’s hand over mine, on the pillow. Then back to my face, still turned towards his.
I’ve always loved the way Sean shows interest in things. By careful, studious increments, as though his eyes are better able to explore something than his hands. There’s an aloofness about him, too, as though even something as base as sex is a thing you can detach yourself from and examine.
He isn’t like Ryan at all. Ryan is quick witted and open, he’s bold. Sean hangs back, assessing, first. His assessing makes me flutter the muscles of my pussy around Ryan’s cock, and he grunts when I do.
I want to ask Sean, Do you ever grunt? But just the idea of asking him something like that makes me twist beneath my thrusting boyfriend, clit sparking, nipples tense, the tight coils of another orgasm winding up low down deep in my belly.
I close my eyes tight against it, but when I open them again Sean is still watching with those strange curious eyes.
‘Kiss him,’ Ryan says, and I almost jump at the rude intrusion of his voice into something that had momentarily seemed so private. As though he’s just a machine, over me, servicing me, while I gaze at something pretty.
But Sean just gives him an incredulous look. I think he believes Ryan is kind of a jerk. But then so am I, because I’m doing this too. Right? And if he wants to think that, well he can go ahead, and have something for his trouble, too –
I lean forward as quick as anything, and plant one on him.
His eyes stay open when I do it, but he doesn’t try to push me away. He just lets me press my lips to his, and, when he stays that passive while I slide my tongue into his mouth, I moan. Thick pleasure gushes through me and I come just like that, Ryan’s cock working in me and my wet mouth on Sean’s, Ryan groaning like a loon as he follows me.
I make my sounds right into Sean. I come in his mouth, so to speak.
He doesn’t seem to mind all that much. I think I make rather a nice specimen for him to examine and assess. I’m an interesting experiment, one that leaves a pleasing flush on his cheeks.
And when he asks me: ‘Was that good, Tia?’ I almost come all over again.