I was angry and upset that I had allowed myself to get into the position where my reputation had been damaged and now my career was suffering as well. I was very down but made a promise to myself that I would come back better and stronger for the experience. The world had painted a very negative picture of me and I was determined to show what I was really like.
Kutner has always been around to remind me when I have needed reminding. When he tells me something it’s what he thinks – no bullshit, no flam. It’s for my benefit and the good of my career. Over the years I have learned to know what’s best for me whether it’s to do with football or life but I have been greatly helped by the people around me. When I go out now I know instinctively if it’s right. Part of the reason I play so many games is knowing when and how much to do it. Some players drink to excess and I have seen the results of that along my career. Others won’t touch a drop and not eat food they’re not supposed to. I eat well but I am not obsessive about food. I still eat what I want without being overly fussy.
Finding the balance is the crucial thing. That takes time and I was still learning where to draw the line back then. My football was not going as well as I would have liked. The 98/99 season was a good season, but not for scoring goals. Six was not a great return. The season before had gone well because I had established myself as a player. People always said the second would be harder – harder physically, mentally, harder just to get better.
It wasn’t as exciting as my first. The goals wouldn’t come and partly because of that I felt a bit deflated. There was a lot to be happy about around the club though. We had a very good team. Myself, Rio, John Hartson, Eyal Berkovic were all playing well. People still say to me that if West Ham had kept that team together then maybe the club would have won a trophy. Trevor Sinclair was doing well while Michael Carrick and Joe Cole were just coming through, but it was a strange campaign. We were middle to bottom of the table usually. Then that season we found ourselves climbing up and up. We drew confidence and we became something of a force to be reckoned with. Well, at home anyway.
There was a good blend in the team in that period and we had some good characters too. The older lads were still there – Lomy, John Moncur and the likes but Neil Ruddock came in as well and there was a strength about us which I hadn’t known before. There was also a creative heart.
I am not Berkovic’s biggest fan as a person but he was a good player and I enjoyed playing with him. You just had to give the ball to his feet and he would slip people in on goal. He was adept at it and he was in that sort of form that year. Paolo Di Canio had been shown the door at Sheffield Wednesday and when he turned it on we were exciting to watch. We ended up coming fifth and that was a huge achievement for West Ham. You only had to remember that it was as far back as 85/86 that the club had come third, long before any of us were on the scene. After that we were a bit of a yo-yo team: relegated, back up, relegated, back up.
Harry deserves credit. We were on the verge of another drop into the First Division but he had the vision to sign unusual players. Di Canio, Berkovic, Davor Suker. Not many people have the kind of eye for a player that Harry has. He’s still doing it. Maybe it was a loan signing of a player who was getting on and no one else wanted – players who may have looked unconventional to others; too young or just too much trouble. Harry, though, had a way of harnessing all kinds of talent.
He got it wrong on a few occasions. Dmitri Raducioiu, Ilie Dumitrescu and Paolo Futre come to mind but Harry was in a position where he was taking chances on people and the law of averages dictated that not every one would be brilliant. The problem with those particular guys was they had made their name in the game already and their hunger and desire was gone. When some of them rented apartments in Chelsea Harbour, when we trained about an hour and half’s drive in the opposite direction, you began to question exactly why they had come to play in London. I don’t think they knew what they were signing up to at West Ham. We were more about spirit than silky soccer and there were a few characters around who were strong and liked to assert themselves. It couldn’t have been comfortable to land at Chadwell Heath after a few years in the sunshine of Spain or Portugal.
To be fair to Harry, the chairman probably threw those guys in his face when he wanted to moan but the bottom line was that he got it right far more times than wrong. And, he didn’t pay a fortune for players either. Slaven Bilic and Igor Stimac gave us experience at the back as did Neil Ruddock.
Razor Ruddock was important as much for his character as his football. He was our social secretary and was brilliant at getting the right place for a game of golf, followed by lunch and then a night out. He was also a great laugh.
Razor could mix with anyone – whether it was the older lads, me and Rio or the foreign boys. He was hilarious even when he didn’t mean to be. At training we would do one-on-one and he would have Joe Cole running at him full pelt with the ball. He was slowing down so he would just back off. And off and off. Eventually, Joe was so close to goal that he would shoot from six yards and the rest of us were bent double laughing.
Ian Wright was another one. Wrighty had done his time, scored goals and broken the records when he arrived at West Ham. He didn’t have anything to prove and didn’t need to practise. He did anyway and I was glad of his professionalism. I would be heading out to hit a hundred balls and he would come with me and advise me on free-kicks and how to strike a ball best. He was 33 then and Roger Cross would clip balls in from wide areas for us to hit at goal. I have a lot of respect for Wrighty and I’m a lot sharper around the box partly thanks to his tips and watching his movement off the ball.
There were others whose careers had been thwarted by injury and Harry had faith in them. Trevor Sinclair was one. Everyone remembered Trevor as a brilliant winger with Queens Park Rangers who was unlucky enough to sustain serious injury. He came to us and got fit again but there was something about Harry which instilled confidence in Trevor and very quickly he became a major influence on the right wing and as second striker. I got on great with him. He was quite laid back and there were also no airs and graces about him. With some players I could detect a reluctance to get too close to me because of my Dad and Harry. Trevor never bothered with that. We would come in after training and he’d say ‘Tell your Dad he’s put on a s*** session there, Lamps!’
I loved it. It was very refreshing. He treated everyone with the same boisterous banter and didn’t care much how they reacted though I rarely found anyone who could resist his company. There was one year at the team Christmas party when we started off in a bar in Romford and were due to end the night in a club. On the way between the two Trevor decided we should stop off for a swift drink in another pub. I didn’t see why not – even though we were in fancy dress. I’m not sure what we looked like when we burst into this place but I’m sure I could feel the proverbial tumbleweed follow us through the door. Trevor didn’t give a monkey’s. He ordered some drinks and invited everyone in the bar to join us in a song.
After twenty minutes, the whole place was in great voice being led by West Ham’s right-winger who was decked from head to foot in ‘neon pick’ Seventies’ gear, the likes of which Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch would have been proud. We crashed out of there, pissing ourselves with laughter, but that was Trevor – infectious and fun to be with. We needed people like that at West Ham to galvanize the team spirit. Harry knew that and he delivered. He also brought stars. Paolo Di Canio was probably the biggest in terms of impact of all his West Ham signings and Upton Park was a place which any Premiership team would have worried about visiting that season.
The difference was we had never played without suffering before. We always seemed to be struggling with players some of whom may not have quite been up to standard. The quality was quite good enough and there were a lot of battlers in midfield – guys like Martin Allen and Paul Butler. Good players who were not always easy on the eye. Ian Bishop could get on the ball but the team were suffering and so did he. The fans were impatient and wanted a more direct style of play which Bish didn’t subscribe to.
Lomas came in, I did, Berkovic and Sinclair. Lomy would hold, I would get up and down while Berkovic would link