‘How many times have I got to tell you? You’re getting probation. They’ll give you some bullshit lecture and send you on your way.’ Then with an embarrassed look, ‘I’m really going to miss you. You’re a bit of a wanker, but a nice one.’ He grinned. ‘You’d never have survived in an approved school. You’re too soft.’
The door to the dining room swung open letting in a cold blast of air from the hallway. Boss Lewis stood in the doorway with two uniformed police officers. ‘OK, Fenton. Time to go.’
I stood up slowly and, with a despairing glance at Bernie, walked towards the waiting officers.
As the two large doors were closing behind me I heard Bernie shout ‘See you soon.’
I sat quietly in a small room that was an annexe to the much larger courtroom. I was not alone. There were three other children in the room: two girls and a boy. I wondered if I had looked as terrified two weeks ago as they all appeared to be now. One of the girls had been crying, and though she had stopped, every few seconds she sniffed loudly. I would have liked to tell her that she had nothing to worry about but we had been told we had to be completely silent so I didn’t dare.
The door opened and a very tall police officer signalled with one finger for me to follow. My heart was beating rapidly as I walked into the courtroom and it was hard to stay calm. I spotted my father immediately. He was sitting in the same seat as when we were here the last time. All of the seats were occupied. I wondered briefly which of the adults were the parents of the sniffing girl. The three judges were already in their seats and were looking at me intently. The policeman walked me over to the table and stood me in front of the same grey-eyed woman as before. She and her companions looked down at some papers and spent several minutes reading. More than once they huddled together whispering. Occasionally they looked in my direction and then resumed their secret discussion. At last they sat up and looked directly at me.
‘Well, I think we have all the necessary facts now.’ The woman sounded friendlier than the last time she had spoken to me. ‘It was for your own good that we sent you on remand and after reading your reports it would appear that it has done you some good.’ She smiled. ‘You must remember that your parents only brought you here for your welfare. They wouldn’t want you to stay in a place like that for an indefinite amount of time.’ She paused briefly. ‘I am sure you wouldn’t want to either.’
‘Yes I would. I loved the place.’ The words were said with sincerity. ‘It doesn’t frighten me. It was great.’ The respite from the life I led at home and at school had been welcome. I had slept peacefully for two weeks. I had heard and witnessed no violence. No one had teased me about the clothes I wore. I had a friend. A real friend. I felt good about my experience. I felt good about myself.
The woman was astounded. ‘What did you say? It was great – you loved the place – is that what you said?’ She was looking at me with amazement. ‘It would appear that these reports are wrong. You haven’t changed. You’re still as brazen with defiance as you were before.’ The three judges once again went into a huddle then raised their heads and glared at me.
‘You’ve got your wish,’ the woman said. ‘Three years’ approved school.’ She looked towards a police officer. ‘Take him away.’ The woman barked to the police officer. ‘We have heard enough.’
I was led away to the holding room. The same green-painted surroundings, the same green linoleum, the same black plastic chairs greeted me.
‘I’m going to tell you your future, sonny, whether you want to hear it or not,’ the tall policeman said, scowling down at me. ‘When you’ve done your three years in the approved school, you will only be out a short while and then you’ll go to Borstal. After Borstal you’ll end up in prison and after prison,’ he grinned, ‘I have no doubt you’ll kill someone and then we’ll hang you. I wonder how smug you’ll be when the judge puts that black cap over his wig.’
I didn’t understand what he was saying. ‘Thank you, sir,’ I murmured quietly and flinched as the policeman lifted his arm as if to hit me.
‘You cheeky little bastard. You deserve everything that’s coming to you.’ The policeman slammed the door and stationed himself on the other side, glaring at me through the windows.
I was relieved when at last they came to collect me and take me back to St Nicholas’s.
‘You said what? I can’t believe you’re that stupid.’ Bernie was staring at me in complete amazement. ‘No wonder they gave you three years.’
‘I meant it. I do love the place and I did have a good time here.’ I grinned. ‘It means you and I will be together in Vincent’s.’
Bernie gave me an appraising look. ‘You’re hardly equipped to handle an approved school. You’re not exactly Mr Universe.’ He shook his head slowly, still finding it hard to believe that I had come back from court with a three-year sentence. ‘Have you ever had a fight? Do you know how to look after yourself? If you don’t, you’d better learn quickly. We’re going to a shithouse of a place.’
‘Maybe it won’t be as bad as they say.’
‘Oh, it’ll be as bad as they say and possibly worse. We’re both in deep shit now and if we’re not careful,’ he pretended to cut his throat with his finger, ‘we’ll be dead meat.’
‘If anybody hurts us,’ I said nervously, ‘why can’t we just report them to one of the Bosses?’
‘Don’t be stupid. Nobody goes to the Bosses. You’d be a grass and, believe me, you wouldn’t want to be one of them.’ Bernie had a serious look on his face. ‘Promise me that you’ll never be a grass. I mean it, John. Promise me.’
‘OK, I promise.’ Bernie looked relieved. ‘So how do we look after ourselves?’
‘With difficulty I expect. We’ll stick together until we know the ropes and then do our best to survive.’ He nodded at my feet. ‘You’ll need to use them when you fight.’
‘How do you know so much about these things, Bernie? You’ve never been in an approved school. How do you know for certain what it’s like?’
‘My brother Jimmy did three years in St Swithin’s on the Isle of Wight. He told me all about it.’ He nodded his head approvingly. ‘Jimmy’s a real hard case. Nobody fucks with him. He’s great.’
‘Are you a bit of a hard case, Bernie?’ I asked hopefully. ‘I know I’m not. I’ve never had a fight.’ I remembered how often I had been hit by other boys at school and how I had run away, usually crying. ‘I don’t like fighting.’
‘I’m no hard case. But I’ve had a few fights.’
‘Did you win?’ I asked with admiration. ‘I bet you did.’ I couldn’t imagine Bernie not being good at everything he did.
‘I did OK. But the boys I fought won’t be anything like the ones in Vincent’s.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘They’ll be nasty.’
For the first time since my first appearance in court I viewed my future with trepidation. Everything Bernie said filled me with dread. How would I survive in an environment like the one he claimed would exist in Vincent’s? My only consolation was that Bernie would be with me. At least I would have a friend.
‘How long do you think we’ll be here before we get a place in Vincent’s?’ I asked.
‘Maybe a couple of weeks. Who knows?’ Bernie reached into his tunic pocket and produced a squashed cigarette. He rolled it expertly between his fingers until it was back to its original shape. ‘Let’s go for a quick fag before tea.’
I stood up and followed Bernie as he strolled towards the door. I still had an overwhelming feeling of doom but was determined not to show it. I would take a leaf out of Bernie’s book and be nonchalant about my situation. I would survive. Bernie would help me. Fuck them all, I thought. I