With little else to do and the afternoon ahead of us, I set about making Tommy and I some lunch. However, after opening the fridge and finding it virtually bare, I looked at Tommy who I think was a little sheepish. I decided to go to the store. I guess, after all, that was my role and poor Tommy hadn’t had anyone to look after him since his Ma had had her first stroke.
Finding my way to the bathroom, I stopped for a moment and caught sight of myself in the mirror. It was only one of those facial ones, but I’ll never forget when I stood on my tiptoes, how I looked in the silk dress. Thinking about my Ma, my heart began to race. Closing my eyes momentarily, I felt her fingers gently stroking my hair.
I hadn’t been to the upstairs before and not knowing which one was my room, I was relieved to spot the box that Tommy had taken up, in a doorway opposite the bathroom. Pushing the door open a little further, I walked in, turned my head, and spotted the double bed. I remember my stomach churned over, making me feel a little faint. Grabbing my purse from the top of the box, I shut the door to. After quickly checking the kitchen cupboards, I hastily left via the front door, leaving a bewildered Tommy standing in the living room.
I didn’t really look up to see who was in the store. I had learned very early on to keep my head down and go about my business, but it wasn’t exactly easy to ignore the fact that as I stepped through the doorway, the place fell deathly silent. The hush was soon replaced by whispers. Busying myself with what to make for our first supper together, I didn’t strain to hear what was on their vicious tongues.
I chose to make shrimp and grits, grabbed the groceries, and stepped towards the cooler to collect some beer for Tommy; but I couldn’t help but notice Mrs Kelland the town drunk and gossip staring right at me. Mrs Tomlinson – with her withered face that was permanently etched with a frown – stood close by and looked me up and down.
Before either of them could say a word, I plonked my basket down on the counter, bidding them both a good day. I don’t know where my nerve came from, but as I watched their jaws slacken and catch the flies that buzzed around the store, I felt a little pride. However, the pride was short-lived, as before I knew it, Mrs Tomlinson wasted no time in telling me I wasn’t old enough to buy the beer. She grabbed my basket and took the tins out one by one, openly enjoying the moment.
Passing her a ten-dollar bill to pay for the shrimp and onions, I asked the Lord to forgive the thoughts that raced around my head. Heavenly Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. Grabbing my purse and change, I walked out the store, but feeling their eyes burning into my back, I couldn’t help but turn around and stick my tongue out at them. Then I ran.
I don’t know what possessed me, but as I ran across town, back to Tommy’s in my silk dress, the frozen shrimp in my hand, I giggled to myself. The thought of returning to him made me feel safe. I sped through the gate to the front yard and stopped to catch my breath. After wiping the sweat from my brow, I opened the door to find Tommy in front of the mirror combing his hair.
I think we both flinched at the same time, and as soon as I shut the door behind me it dawned on me we were man and wife. I think Tommy sensed I was nervous and he awkwardly stood in the kitchen, whilst I popped the groceries away. Feeling the cool of the fridge on my face, I crouched down and shuffled the few bits and pieces that Tommy had in there. Not knowing what else to do, I got a hot soapy bowl to clean up the kitchen good and proper. A woman’s touch.
I could feel Tommy hovering awkwardly behind me. My Pa had given him the day off, what with it being his wedding day and all, but neither of us really had plans, or at least I didn’t. Tommy said his Ma was staying at an ol’ friend’s in town for the night and I didn’t think to question why. As I lathered up the soap, I smelt Tommy close to me. I clenched my teeth tight and felt him push up against me and kiss the back of my neck. Despite him being in his wedding suit I could still smell engine oil on his skin. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, whilst I stood frozen to the spot, then he took my hand in his and led me upstairs.
We lay there, on top of the sheets, me in my silk dress. I was tucked up under his arm, my head resting on the bulk of his chest. We just held each other. No words, no movement, just the sound of our breath and Tommy’s heart beating against my ear.
Day must have passed when I awoke, as the light in the room had gone. I couldn’t remember for a second where I was, until I felt Tommy’s hand in mine. Lying still, I turned my head to hear him gently snoring. Taking the opportunity to look at him, I could see in the dusky light how full his lips were. Little plump pillows.
I remembered how when we first began dating, that I daren’t look at him for more than a couple of seconds. Too shy to catch his eye. On his right cheek he had a small scar, which I guess must have been from shaving, and a dimple in his chin, but other than that, his skin was clear and fresh. A little stubble had begun to show through and despite his size, I remember thinking how like a little boy he still looked.
Cautiously and I must say, reluctantly, peeling my hand from his, I crept off the bed and made my way to the kitchen. I think it must have been the smell of fried shrimp that awoke him. Sleepily, he made his way downstairs. Pausing to look at me, he flashed me another smile, sat down, and switched on the TV.
I laid the table, which sat to the right of the kitchen. Finding a candle and holder at the back of his Ma’s store cupboard, I placed it on the linen cloth and lit it, so a gentle glow was thrown across the table. Sitting down next to me, Tommy eagerly tucked into the shrimp, barely pausing for breath.
Watching him, as the candlelight flickered on his face, I remember looking around me and thinking about my Ma. She’d be sitting there now, at the dinner table, with my father and her boys. For a moment I thought about my chair being empty and then I remembered Daisy – and although you won’t believe it, I promise I felt happy. I felt happy for my Ma, knowing that Daisy would be there for her. Her jigsaw and mine, nearly complete.
Taking a deep breath, I sat back in my chair and seeing Tommy, my husband, smiling right back at me, I felt for a moment almost content. Almost.
Why had she even said anything to Tommy? Now he’d be all wound up like a jumping bean. He was right; she didn’t know what she looked like and there she was claiming it was her. Eli hovered over the pan of frying onions. The grease splattered this way and that. She poked at them absent-mindedly and shook her head.
Of course she was being cuckoo. And why had she even thought the woman looked like her? It was just something. Something about her, something in her eyes maybe – no her mouth, the gap between her teeth, just like her own. Oh now she was just trying to find something. She really was a silly ol’ goat.
Soon enough she’d be getting a reputation like Joanie Cunningham whose husband had been caught one night across town foolin’ around with some young fella or something. Joanie had gone about town the very next day proclaiming this and the next day proclaiming that. None of it making sense. Ma Bell said she’d got it all wrong, because Stan was a good husband and had probably just helped the young man with directions or something, but Joanie wouldn’t let it go and when no one listened to her, she stripped right down to her underwear at church, pleading there and then for Jesus to take her.
Doctor Green, who had been sitting on one of the front pews, waited until she had just about undressed to her panties, before he finally intervened. Stan sent her across to some cousins or other in Birmingham – ‘for a rest’ he said. She returned months later, seemingly without a single memory of what had happened. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, she sat next to her husband at church, singing ‘Abide with Me’.
The woman had been, from what Eli recalled, dressed in a simple lemon dress, tailored to show off what seemed to be a very fine figure. Her blonde hair had the look of someone who – unlike Eli – most certainly didn’t trim the split ends herself. She had a crocodile-skin purse with her. Or was it snake? She couldn’t remember.
When the woman leaned forward to clean up her hand, Eli smelt a sweet perfume – despite being covered from head to