Big ideas at four in the morning don’t always seem quite as big in the cold light of day, but in the murky autumnal light of the next morning I realised, as I hurried from home to school, that, on balance, this one did have legs.
Yes, I’d only been in the sitting room, so I obviously couldn’t speak for the rest of the house, but this was a sitting room stuffed to bursting with mementoes. As well as the cabinet full of the various spoils of pedigree-cat war, it was a room that wasn’t light on ornamentation. I couldn’t bring much in the way of specifics to mind now, but the overall impression had been one of a room in which all the knick-knacks meant something. And then there were the wedding pictures, and they were what had really sprung to mind, for within them – and there were about six of them on the shelf – there had not been a single one that contained Imogen. Had she even been there? That was what I most wanted to know.
So, given that I still had ten minutes before the bell went for registration, I went to the staffroom, made a coffee, then took myself off to the adjoining quiet room, which as well as couple of computer terminals had two external phones, one of which I used to telephone Imogen’s nan.
I had intended calling her anyway, just to thank her for paving the way so that I could speak to her son and daughter-in-law, and just to let her know that I had been round to visit Gerri. That much was a simple courtesy, and a chance to continue to build on good relations, but now I had a more pressing reason to get her on the phone; I wanted an answer to my as yet unspoken question.
‘Hello, dear,’ she said, managing to convey with two words how heavy was the weight currently on her shoulders. ‘How are things with Imogen in school this week?’
I filled her in on such progress as we’d been able to make, and was disappointed to hear our small increments of positivity weren’t matched by any change in her emotional well-being at home. Which I tried to steer away from, as I’d pretty much reached the conclusion that nothing would change all the while we hadn’t got to the bottom of whatever had caused the mutism in the first place. All I knew was that I wasn’t buying the bullying at school angle; not when there was a new potential angle bedding down in my head now, unsubstantiated but there nevertheless.
I spent a minute or two discussing Gerri and her facility with showing cats, and once again I heard nothing but praise. So I stepped lightly into the territory of the absence of photos, conscious that loyalties very much needed to be respected.
‘Oh, and something I forgot to ask,’ I added chattily, aware this could be sensitive ground. ‘Your son’s wedding. I saw the pictures. It looked lovely … did Imogen go? Only I saw some of the photographs, but no sign of Imogen being bridesmaid, and I wondered …’
‘No, you wouldn’t,’ said Mrs Hinchcliffe, without any hint of edge. ‘She wasn’t there. Not really feasible, what with them having it abroad and everything – Graham got such a good deal on a package through one of his contacts at the tour operators, it seemed silly not to. So we looked after her. Money was tight, and it wasn’t really that sort of wedding. They didn’t want to make a big fuss of it, for obvious reasons …’
‘Of course,’ I agreed. ‘Yes, of course.’
I put the phone down feeling something akin to a hair-on-the-back-of-the-neck prickle. Again, of itself, it was no big thing, really. Lots of people getting married for the second time did things in the same way. Small, unfussy wedding, no big occasion, no pomp and circumstance. So why did something about this one feel so wrong? It was just a simple tying of the knot, after all – and perhaps Imogen hadn’t even wanted to be there. She clearly hadn’t wanted to be landed with a step-mum, had she? And I had heard from her own lips that she hadn’t wanted to be landed with this step-mum. She had been happy as she was – just her and her dad. She’d been his princess, and now perhaps she felt she’d been usurped. Perhaps she made a big fuss about not being there to witness it.
It was a familiar enough scenario, trying to ‘blend’ a family in that way; one that would have needed tact and sensitivity, so that the child – in this case Imogen – didn’t feel pushed out. And perhaps they’d all tried their best – they certainly seemed to think they had – but had they?
Try as I might, I just couldn’t talk myself out of the feeling that, actually, the evidence was beginning to tell me something different. Which made it doubly frustrating that Imogen couldn’t – or more correctly, now, wouldn’t – talk to me.
I made my way back to the Unit feeling that frustration very keenly. I had to get that child to open up.
Imogen wasn’t the only child in the Unit, however, and though the morning passed peacefully and harmoniously enough, by the time the lunchtime bell went it became clear that this happy state of affairs wouldn’t continue, as Gavin hadn’t brought in his midday pill.
ADHD was a condition that was frustrating for all, but in Gavin’s case, so far, things had been reasonably well managed, in that he was generally responsible enough to do what was required of him, i.e. take his morning pill with breakfast and bring his second into school, which he would leave with the medical room, ready to go and take as soon as the lunchtime bell went.
I didn’t get involved in this arrangement. The deal since day one had been that Gavin himself would take responsibility; it was part of the package of strategies that had been agreed when he was moved into the Unit for assessment. It was also one of the ways he could prove to the school generally that he was responsible about managing his difficulties.
But there was no doubt that being on Ritalin wasn’t a universal panacea. I’d had dealings with kids on Ritalin more than once over the years, and there was one constant – it came up regularly, both in my experience and from what I’d read. Where the world when unmedicated was kind of ‘spiky’, like a heart-monitor trace, all zig-zags of highs and lows, with the drug the spikes became more of a flat line – while not exactly level, certainly reduced to a smoother, flatter route, with the result that the world became a ‘whateva’ kind of place. It wasn’t uncommon, therefore, for kids to ‘forget’ their meds or pretend they had taken them when they hadn’t, just so they could ‘feel’.
I didn’t think for a moment that Gavin had forgotten his pill on purpose, not least because he was the one to tell me. Yes, that was prudent, because the information would have filtered to me in any case, but his explanation – some complex story involving a crying sibling and a dead goldfish – was delivered in such a way that immediately rang true.
And it was too late to do anything much about it. I knew Gavin’s mum worked, so it was unlikely that she’d be able to get it to us – she’d have to leave work, travel home and then make another trip to us with it, by which time it would probably be way too late. ‘So,’ I said to Gavin, ‘you will just have to be very Zen-like this afternoon, won’t you?’
‘What’s a Zen?’ he wanted to know.
‘It’s not an “a”,’ I said, ‘it’s a religion. One that’s all about sitting quietly, thinking deep important thoughts.’ I took his hands and clasped them together as if in prayer. ‘Kind of like this,’ I said, chanting ‘Tomorrow I will remember my pill, tomorrow I will remember my pill …’
Which had sent him away giggling, but the minute we got back into class I could tell there wouldn’t be much sitting around, going ‘om’ a lot, happening. In fact, we were on course for a bit of a nightmare; though Gavin wasn’t literally bouncing off the walls, he was definitely doing his Duracell bunny impression, and very quickly getting on everyone’s nerves. Had Kelly been around it was one of those situations where I’d have had her take him out and engage him in some focused one-to-one time, but with two TAs off sick she was having to assist in another classroom, so it was going to be a case of crisis containment, i.e. minimising his effect on the group as a whole. But it was proving difficult.
We