‘That’s enough, Henry,’ I said firmly, anxious to nip any outbursts from him in the bud. The truth was that if it had been, he might well have been right. Henry only had so much rope left to play with in school, and I didn’t want my classroom to be the place where it ran out.
‘Right,’ I said more generally. ‘This was obviously a bad idea today. Change of plan. You can all get out your workbooks and write your own versions of the script. I’ll read them all at lunchtime and choose the one we’re going to act out this afternoon, once everyone has had a chance to calm down.’
There was a small rumbling of dissent, mostly, but not exclusively, from Henry, but it soon settled. No earthquake today.
‘Come on, Imogen, you too,’ I said gently as I passed her. ‘You can be one of the quiet ones in the play, if you like,’ I added, ‘the sensible one who keeps out of the argument, eh?’
I had hoped to see a flicker of a smile, but it didn’t happen, and by the time I had returned to my desk I noticed that, although she had at least opened her workbook, she’d still made no move to pick up her pen.
But perhaps that was it, I thought, mindful of poor Shona, holed up with a paperback, and who I’d need to have a chat to when the bell went. Perhaps conflict-resolution exercises were still a step too far for my current charges. I glanced again at Imogen. And perhaps for this one in particular. After all, she already had a resolution to whatever conflicted her. Say nothing.
Well, it was a strategy, I supposed. Least said soonest mended? Perhaps this afternoon I’d be some way to finding out.
Lunchtime seemed to fly by with a speed all of its own. They often did if you let class time spill over after the bell went, and, by the time I’d read through the scenarios the children had written and given to me, 20 minutes had already been gobbled up.
Putting the workbooks down, I decided I’d zip up to the staffroom to see if Kelly was free to assist during the afternoon session. When you were doing something that was both physical and creative, I’d learned, it always paid to have a second pair of adult hands, to help manage any hot-heads and artistic differences.
But on my way there I remembered that I’d planned to look in on Gary Clark, too, and should perhaps do that first, as it was on the way.
Gary was the school’s Child Protection Officer, or CPO. He was based in our school but also worked with all the feeder primary schools in the area, as well as doing home visits and dealing with issues such as truancy. He also ran teacher-training sessions on emotional literacy; something the government were becoming increasingly keen for schools to foster, a child’s emotional well-being being as important, they were realising, as their academic potential.
Protocol dictated that I let Gary know if I was planning to do a home visit, such as I was going to do today after school. He was a lovely man with a calm outlook on everything. In his mid-forties and a dress-down-rather-than-up type of person, he was very easy to get along with and it seemed that all the children thought so too. I already knew he had been as interested in finding out more about Imogen’s selective mutism as I had, because Don had already told me. In fact, one of the first things Gary told me when I showed up in his office was that he’d already arranged for a clinician to come into the school the following Monday to give us a little more insight into the condition.
‘And it turns out that there are apparently several types of SM,’ he told me, ‘all of which can stem from different triggers. So it’s not a “one size fits all” kind of thing.’
‘That’s interesting,’ I said, ‘because nothing I’ve seen on the internet so far really seems to fit where Imogen’s concerned, so it would be really valuable to get the insight of an expert.’
‘Let’s hope it’s helpful, then,’ he said. ‘And I was just on my way down to find you and tell you, funnily enough. So you’ve saved me a journey. For which extremely grateful thanks. If I’m lucky, I might still be in time for whatever delights cook has whistled up in the dining room.’
‘Hmmph,’ I said. ‘Lunch? Chance would be a fine thing. Have you seen Kelly, by the way? I need to see if she’s free p.m.’
‘She’ll be in the staffroom, I imagine. Last time I saw her she was heading rapidly in that general direction. Clutching a bag that looked suspiciously like it came from the local bakers. If you’re quick you might be in with a shout at getting a muffin …’
Leaving Gary to grab his jacket, I set off myself, immediately bumping into Shona, who was standing leaning against the corridor wall.
‘Oh, hi, sweetheart,’ I said. ‘Were you waiting to see Mr Clark?’ She shook her head. ‘I wanted to see you,’ she said, ‘and Mr Dawson said he’d seen you go in here … If that’s all right?’ she hurriedly added. ‘Imogen’s okay, and everything. She’s in the playground with Molly.’
I was touched by her rush to reassure me, but also concerned that Shona had taken it upon herself to be Imogen’s guardian to the extent that she thought I’d tell her off for not being at her side every single minute; if so, she was taking on a responsibility too far.
Gary joined us in the corridor. ‘D’you want to use my office?’ he said, gesturing back inside, obviously having heard us. ‘I’ve got some photocopying and stuff to do so I won’t be rushing back.’
I smiled gratefully. ‘That would be lovely, Mr Clark,’ I said, motioning to Shona that she should go in. ‘Might just pinch a couple of your biscuits, too. I seem to have forgotten about eating lunch today.’
We exchanged a smile and I followed Shona in. I was glad to see her looking better after her unexpected outburst of the morning. Unexpected, I judged, by her as much as me.
‘Are you doing okay, love?’ I asked her, grabbing a spare chair rather than heading behind Gary’s enormous desk. I’d struggle to see over the piles of paperwork in any case.
She nodded. ‘I’m okay, Miss. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.’
‘Sorry?’ I said. ‘Sweetheart, it’s me that should be saying sorry. I should have realised, shouldn’t I? I don’t think Henry knew for a moment the he’d be upsetting you, do you? But cars are going to be the last thing you want to talk about, aren’t they? It must have been very upsetting.’
I paused to let her speak, but she didn’t. It often worked that way. Kids came to talk, but when they got to it they couldn’t. Not at first. ‘Though, you know,’ I added, ‘you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.’
Shona sighed. ‘I know he didn’t do it on purpose, Miss. But … but, it’s just that sometimes I get so tired of feeling like I do. I mean, my auntie and uncle are lovely, but … it’s just, well, there’s my little cousins, and I feel terrible if I cry in front of them, because they start crying then as well, and my auntie … she cries sometimes, because she misses mummy too, and I feel bad about that as well, and that makes me want to cry more and … it’s just … it’s just so hard, Miss, trying to pretend you’re not upset when you are.’
The sadness in the room felt almost touchable. It was a terrible thing to have happened and it couldn’t be undone. The poor child had such an unbearable weight on her shoulders, it didn’t bear thinking about, really.
‘Oh, love, I do know. I know exactly what you mean. It’s horrible feeling you have to bottle your feelings up all the time, isn’t it? Tell me, are you still seeing your bereavement counsellor?’ She nodded. ‘And are they helping?’
‘Kind of,’ Shona said. ‘I just …’ I could see her chin beginning to wobble. ‘It’s just that I wish I knew how long it’ll be before it stops feeling like this. I just feel so sad. I miss my mummy so much, and my dad, and I …’