I slumped forwards onto his chest and listened to the drumming of his heart. I thought my head was empty, but I heard myself say, ‘I wish that was your first time. I wish I’d been the one to break you.’
His laugh rumbled under my ear. ‘Make me, you mean.’
I went to sit on the chair opposite, my legs sluttishly apart. I started to do up the buttons of my blouse, just a couple of them.
‘Wait till the boys hear about this.’
He sat up, pulled on his shorts, cracked his knuckles. The boys. He was just a boy, here for the summer. For God’s sake, what was I thinking?
‘You’re going to brag? Boast to them how you had the old dear from the B and B? Do you think they’ll look at me different?’
He shrugged as only youngsters can. He went over to the mirror and raked his hair with his fingers.
‘The old dear can take it!’ he said. ‘Respect! Think how the takings will go up when they hear how horny she is!’
‘Do you think they’ll want a piece of me, then?’ I picked up my knickers, flicked them over his shoulder, round in front of his nose. I saw his long eyelashes curve down as he breathed in. ‘Oh, I do hope so!’
He turned his head and looked at me. ‘I was only joking, Sara – don’t be pissed off.’
I kissed him, licking inside his mouth and very gently putting my hand on his dick. Not quite subsided. They can do it over and over, these randy lads.
‘Do I look pissed off? Quite the reverse, honey.’
I tossed the knickers over a chair and pulled a silky dress over my head.
‘I’d better go, then –’
‘When they come back, honey, tell them they can come up here after hours.’
He stopped at the door. Oh, this was almost the best bit, because I knew it would happen. I knew there was going to be so much more of this. Such a baby, he couldn’t tell if I was serious or not.
‘If they want to have a laugh, I’ll show them how. You know I can do that, don’t you?’
I licked my finger, just as I did outside, held my dress open and rubbed my nipple. He bit his lips.
‘I bet I can say it better than you can. Wouldn’t they like to hear how you touched me, touched me right there in the garden, how you followed me up here, how you sucked my tits just like I wanted it?’
‘Sounds pretty horny, doesn’t it?’ He swallowed hard.
I nodded, working my fingers, pinching my nipples as desire tore at me again. ‘But how about, instead of telling them, you and I just show them? They can come up here, they’re always welcome.’
‘All of them?’
I started to stroke both breasts now, spreading my legs over the arm of the sofa. ‘Sure. How I was on top, they can all come and watch how we did it, and then they can all take turns. I could have two latched on at a time, one on each tit –’
My pussy clenched furiously at that thought. It’s doing it now as I’m telling you.
‘– like puppies they can suck, and then you can fuck me, or they can do it, your mates, one by one, all together, from behind, underneath. Baby, I don’t give a shit how they do it, so long as they can go on all night.’
He didn’t need telling twice. He was right there, this time throwing me down on the sofa, scrabbling to get his cock out, pinning my arms over my head, biting at my breasts. He was the big man now.
Dear Fuckbook
Kyoko Church
October 15
I need a place to vent. This has to be it. I’ve never been a Dear Diary sort of person. To me it reeks of teenage angst. Oh, God, to be starting it at forty-three … I am officially old and sad.
What to say? Where to start? They say, begin at the beginning. But I can’t. Not right now. I haven’t the strength. It would take too long, be too painful. I just need an outlet. So I’m going to start with a rant.
I fucking hate cell phones! Do people even call them cell phones anymore? God, I’m so out of touch I don’t even know what to call them. Personal, hand-held, bloody instruments for ruining a marriage! Oh, God! No. It’s too much. I can’t do this.
November 1
Let’s try again.
I’m not even going to go there this time. I’m going to start with the positive.
I went out last night! I mean, out out. The kind of out I used to go when I was twenty-one. Except that when I was twenty-one I didn’t appreciate out. Not really. Out was just what we did on a Thursday – a Thursday! – or Friday and definitely on Saturday. Does twenty-one, single with no kids ever appreciate out? I certainly didn’t. But I did last night!
I went out. And I hooked up. That’s what they say now, right? That’s what I’m saying. I fucking hooked up. And I say ‘fucking’ now too!
Let me tell you about the old me. The old me was a scared little girl. She did what she was told. She looked down when she walked. Never met anyone’s eyes. Never got hit on. Never got laid.
I retired that scared, pathetic little girl last night.
I must say, I like the new girl. No matter how much pain was needed to birth her. Birthing hurts. That’s a fact. This one was no different.
But now she’s here. The new girl walks with her head up. She’s got confidence. She meets people’s eyes. And it’s amazing the friends you make when you meet people’s eyes.
I cannot understate how good it felt to walk into that club last night and not know what the end of the night would bring. There were possibilities. Possibilities! What a delightful word! Not casserole dinner and watching TV and no talking and perfunctory sex, no! Fuck that. Give me strangers and conversation and flirting. And sex. Sex that’s anything but perfunctory.
Hold on, I’m getting ahead of myself! First: I looked HOT last night. Hot! Me! I’ve never looked hot in my life but here’s something fabulous about a seriously less than fabulous situation: when your heart is broken you don’t want to eat. So you lose weight! It’s the diet secret of the century! I can just see the commercial:
The problem with other diets is that they don’t deal with those pesky cravings. You’re eating a salad but you’re thinking about dill pickle chips. With the Heartbreak Diet those cravings are gone! Your stomach is constantly churning. Your head is wrapped in pain and trauma. Cravings vanish! Hunger, gone! The pounds melt away. Friends will be jealous and ask how you did it. Only you’ll know the secret: The Heartbreak Diet! (Cheating Husband and Conniving Bitch Best Friend sold separately.)
A marketing possibility, I’d say. But I digress.
I took my skinny ass to the mall and bought the hottest, sluttiest outfit I could find. Black. Lots of skin. Lots of cleavage. I put on all the makeup my mother forbade me from wearing in junior high.
And.
I.
Went.
Out.
Oh, yes, there’s a new sheriff in town.
She’s fucking guys and not taking last names.
November 5
Tonight was Bradley.
I met Bradley last Thursday. Bradley is basically the guy in high school whom I wrote love letters to that I never sent. It’s the age-old story: geeky bookworm secretly loves football