‘She is, yes,’ Laura agreed. There was no doubting his words, but watching the woman busying herself made her feel more useless than ever.
‘Cleanliness is next to godliness, that’s what my mother taught me,’ Imogen said, as she filled the bottle steriliser with water, and dropped in tablets. ‘Not that I believe in God. Well, if there is one, he’s let me down.’ She headed up the stairs, and Laura followed.
‘Help me,’ said Imogen, as she changed Laura’s bed, and Laura grabbed the pillows and changed the covers. ‘That’s the idea,’ Imogen went on with a smile, as though she was praising a child.
Next, Imogen grabbed a duster and wiped it over the chest of drawers. ‘Chanel,’ she said, picking up the bottle and spraying her neck. ‘Nice for some.’
‘Shall we go back downstairs?’ Laura said, kicking her dirty underwear under the bed in the hope Imogen wouldn’t notice. It all felt far too intrusive.
‘In a moment,’ Imogen said, leaning down and scooping up the underwear. ‘Where’s your linen bin?’
‘In the bathroom,’ Laura said, snatching the knickers from her and leaving the bedroom. ‘I can do that.’
Later, when the house was spotless, and Rachel was gurgling happily in her Moses basket – tugging and stretching the foot of her Babygro – Imogen finally collected up her daughters.
‘I’d better get home to put Tierney’s dinner on,’ she said, her eyes skittering over Laura’s paintings on the wall. ‘These are stunning,’ she said. ‘Especially this one.’ She pointed at one of the lake. ‘You’re very talented.’
‘Thank you,’ Laura said, a sudden lift inside her. Perhaps she wasn’t as useless as she thought.
‘I’ll be back soon, I promise,’ Imogen said, touching Laura’s cheek.
From the window, Laura watched them go, Dillon trotting behind with a stick the size of him, as though he was their protector.
Laura wished she had someone to protect her.
February 2018
By morning, deep snow covered the roads and paths, and a message on my phone at eight-thirty told me Grace’s nursery school was closed.
I’d always arranged my appointments to coincide with Grace’s nursery sessions. Two clients a day in term time only. At times like these I was grateful to Angela who’d offered as soon as we became friendly to look after Grace if ever I needed her to. Lawrence hadn’t been keen on the arrangement. He had a tendency to be suspicious of ‘Good Samaritan’ strangers. But Grace seemed to like her, and that was good enough for me.
Grace tucked into her cereal, and I approached and sat down beside her. ‘What’s Farrah like?’ I asked, pushing a tendril of her hair behind her ear, wanting her to say she didn’t like her. It was selfish of me. If Farrah was going be in her life, it was better that Grace liked her. And she liked Grace. For my daughter’s sake, I needed to act like a grown-up about Farrah. Grace seemed to be coping OK with her parents living in different houses; I didn’t want to make things harder for her.
‘She’s nice,’ Grace said, nodding. ‘She smells of flowers, and has hair like a princess.’
It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but I tried not to show it.
‘Does she kiss Daddy?’ I asked. Stop asking! It wasn’t fair. I didn’t care about Lawrence any more – did I?
She shook her head, so her curls bounced. ‘Finished!’ Grace dropped her spoon into the empty bowl, and swiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
‘You’re not going to nursery today, darling,’ I said. ‘You’re going to see Angela.’
She turned up her nose.
‘You like Angela, don’t you?’ Oh God, please like Angela.
She shrugged, and slid from the stool. ‘She’s OK, I suppose. But I want to go to nursery. I like nursery.’
‘Well, I’m afraid it’s closed today, because of the snow.’
‘Snow!’ She dashed to the French window, tugged back the curtain, and leaving handprints on the glass, squealed with excitement. ‘WOW! Can we build a snowman, Mummy?’
‘Later,’ I said, feeling a pang of guilt that I hadn’t built one with her the night before. ‘Promise.’
She glanced over her shoulder at me and pulled a grown-up face. ‘Proper promise, or pretend promise?’
‘Proper,’ I said, through another shot of guilt. ‘This afternoon.’
I washed Grace’s face and hands, before tugging on her coat and fur-lined boots. We headed for the front door, and I went to grab my spare keys from the bowl in the porch. I always gave them to Angela when she had Grace, just in case I’d forgotten something my daughter needed. But they weren’t there. Had Angela returned them last time? I couldn’t remember.
We walked across the garden towards her front door, and rang the doorbell.
Angela opened up, a wide smile stretching across her face. ‘What a lovely surprise this is,’ she said, tugging her robe around her. ‘We can play Snakes and Ladders, like last time.’ She tweaked Grace’s nose.
‘And you promise you won’t fall asleep,’ Grace said, sounding a little precocious, and stepping inside. She dropped onto her bottom and tugged off her snowy boots, clearly remembering Angela’s rules of no shoes in the house.
‘I was resting my eyes that day.’ Angela tipped back her head and laughed. ‘I’m not as young as your mummy.’
I laughed too. ‘Children can be tiring,’ I said, making a mental note to ask Grace more about her time with Angela, who I felt was hardly of an age to need a mid-morning nap.
***
Back home, I had to keep my mind on track – concentrate on my clients – even though I felt I was the one in need of the therapy session. I’d had counselling once, as part of my training. It had been good for me at the time – helped me come to terms with the fact I might never know who my father was.
Despite having all my arrangements in place, my first client cancelled because of the weather, so I trudged down the garden and disappeared into the summerhouse to do some paperwork.
A sharp knock on the window an hour later startled me.
‘Rachel, are you in there?’ I glanced over my shoulder to see a freckled face appear behind the glass, pale green eyes searching.
‘Emmy,’ I said, looking at my watch and realising it was time for her appointment. I smiled. At least Emmy would lift my mood. I enjoyed her sessions now, proud of how far she’d travelled. Maybe it was unprofessional, but we’d become good friends.
I opened the door and she stepped in, looking as though she was about to ski down a snowy mountain, dressed in an all-in-one ski-suit, and boots.
‘How’s things?’ she said, and what I wouldn’t have given at that moment to tell her everything, unburden myself. But I was here to listen to her. Put her back together again – although most of the stitching had been done. ‘God it’s hot in here,’ she went on, shimmying out of her ski-suit.
‘Take a seat,’ I said, once she was down to jeans and a cream cashmere jumper. ‘Would you like a drink?’
She shook her head, and we slipped effortlessly into therapy. I felt sure this would be her last session.
When she first came, her severe