‘He just turned up at the Log Fire Cabin with his new girlfriend and you had to serve him dinner? You had no warning whatsoever?’ Her eyes are round with disbelief.
I rake my hands through my hair and stare at my flatmate in anguish. ‘I can’t go back there, Flo. Imagine having to face him every day, and know that he’s tucked up every night with the delectable Sophie at that bloody boutique hotel!’
She nods in sympathy and holds out the Mini Roll plate.
I shake my head. ‘Thanks, but I think I might be sick.’
‘So that French girl who answered his phone …?’
‘A one-night stand? Before he got with Sophie? Oh, God, I don’t know!’ I wail, grabbing a Mini Roll in desperation.
‘The bastard doesn’t waste much time,’ murmurs Flo.
‘I know. But how can I let Poppy down? She’s relying on me.’
Flo frowns. ‘Listen, hun, all’s fair in love and war. You have to do what you have to do. And if you can’t face the thought of seeing Jackson and Sophie every day during the festive season, you’ll just have to tell Poppy you’ve changed your mind.’
I nod. ‘I think I’ll have to. I’m sure if I explain why, she’ll understand. She’s such a lovely person.’
Later, in bed, I lie there wide awake, thinking back to the catastrophe that was the trifle incident. Jackson looked just as shocked to see me as I was to clap eyes on him. In a way, it was quite fortuitous that I dropped the trifle because it meant that, in the ensuing kerfuffle of getting it all cleaned up, we were able to skate over the fact that we’d been far more than just acquaintances. Sophie kept shooting me funny looks when she thought I wasn’t watching, so she obviously suspected something. I was just glad no one at that table had apparently seen my tragic proposal of marriage on live TV … Unless they were being diplomatic and just pretending they hadn’t.
Next morning, I’m feeling totally drained from the emotion of the day before. I sit at the kitchen table, huddled in my dressing gown, drinking tea and trying to psyche myself up to phone Poppy and explain it won’t be possible for me to continue at the Log Fire Cabin. My heart sinks every time I imagine her reaction. But Flo is right. It’s all about self-preservation. I have to do it.
My mobile rings, making me jump with fright.
Poppy’s name appears.
I look at Flo, who’s buttering toast, and groan. ‘Here goes.’
‘Hi, Roxy? Listen, you’re going to hate me but I’m going to have to ask you to manage on your own today.’
‘Oh? Is something wrong?’
Poppy groans. ‘I’m not well, Roxy. I don’t think those kedgeree leftovers I ate yesterday agreed with me. I keep thinking I’m going to throw up.’
My heart sinks. Can I really let her down when she’s feeling so rotten? ‘Poor you. So … you need me to make the mince pies and the gingerbread Santas?’ I shrug helplessly at Flo.
Maybe I could just go and help out today, until she’s feeling better. Then I’ll tell her I can’t continue …
‘Oh, Roxy, I’d be so grateful. I’ll pay you double time. Because obviously it’s not fair on you when you’ve only just started. Uh oh, hang on, gotta dash!’ She hangs up abruptly.
I turn to Flo. ‘What could I do? She’s ill.’
Flo shakes her head. ‘You’ll never get over Jackson if you have to keep on seeing him.’
I heave a sigh. ‘Don’t worry. Now that I’ve got over the shock of seeing him again, I’ll be absolutely fine.’
Flo looks dubious, to say the least.
‘Honestly, I’m struggling to remember what it was I saw in him.’ I shrug. ‘Jackson who?’ I give her a big smile and rise to my feet to go and get ready.
Escaping from the kitchen, I sag against the wall and stare up at the ceiling. The storm of emotion I’m feeling at the thought of returning to the Log Fire Cabin is worrying, to say the least.
If I’m this much of a mess now, it will be a hundred times worse when I’m back there …
Driving along, my whole body is literally quaking at the thought of bumping into Jackson again.
It’s an odd mix of feelings, though. Because amongst the stomach-churning dread of seeing him again, there’s a weird little breathlessness going on – similar to the elated feeling I always got when I was due to see him again.
I take a couple of deep breaths to calm myself down.
Jackson is with Sophie now. There’s no future for him and me whatsoever, so I need to just turn up at the Log Fire Cabin and do what I can to help Poppy. Then, once Poppy’s feeling better, I’ll explain the tricky situation I’m in with Jackson and she’ll totally understand that I can’t possibly continue there …
I’m approaching the turn-off but my hands are trembling so much, I fumble with the indicator and the motorist behind me flashes his lights.
Turning off, I pull into the side of the road leading to the lake and the Log Fire Cabin, and switch off the engine. Then I stare ahead at the frost-encrusted pine trees lining the road. They look just like a Christmas card and I feel as frozen as they are – with indecision.
I could turn the car around and head home, and phone Poppy to explain. But then I think of how she’ll feel, losing the contract. The way we met in the supermarket definitely felt like fate. And fate has also led me back to Jackson.
I’m not a huge believer in destiny, but it’s quite an extraordinary coincidence that I should run into Poppy who just happens to be hosting Christmas for Jackson! Maybe it’s not a coincidence at all. Maybe some things really are meant to be. In which case, shouldn’t I just go along with it instead of fighting it all?
Starting the engine, I’m still not sure what I’m going to do.
But as the road is too narrow to turn the car around right there, I have no option but to drive onwards, towards the Log Fire Cabin. And then my fate is sealed because Alex is walking towards the front door as I draw up, and he gives me a wave.
I wave back and drive into one of the parking spaces, nausea washing around in the pit of my stomach.
Alex waits for me and holds the door to let me in first.
‘You came back,’ he says.
I’m about to make a jokey reply when I catch something in his expression and, in a flash of clarity, I realise.
He knows.
‘I wasn’t sure you’d actually be back,’ he murmurs, with a slight air of apology. ‘Not after last night …’
We linger in the hallway and I can sense he’s saving me from having to talk about it with others listening in.
I force a smile. ‘Yes, well, as far as shocks go, that was pretty much off the chart. Seeing Jackson. Or Jack, as you all call him. And I did wonder if I could face coming back. But hey, Poppy needs help. I couldn’t let her down.’
He nods slowly. ‘I knew I recognised you but I couldn’t think from where.’
‘You wouldn’t be the first person who’s said that to me in the time since that horrible night! And I guess you won’t be the last.’
He frowns. ‘Sorry, I never thought of that.’
‘Don’t apologise. At least you were subtle about it and didn’t follow me along the high street singing a rowdy, Bridget Jones-style rendition