‘Do you get something in return for a referral, is that why you’re so keen?’ Even as I said it, I regretted my words. ‘Sorry, I don’t trust therapists, they don’t listen.’
‘Look at it as a way of finding Amy. We can’t rule anything out.’
She patted my arm awkwardly; it was quickly becoming a familiar gesture. ‘We’ve alerted all forces and border controls.’ I could sense she was struggling, again, with the intimacy of the moment. ‘We’ll find her. It’s just up to you to help us as much as you can.’ I nodded and she added, ‘And Paul, of course.’ She opened the door. ‘Is there someone you can call? Someone to come and be with you? Other than Fiona.’
I shook my head. ‘No one.’
She cocked her head to one side. ‘Anyone, Sophie. You just shouldn’t be by yourself right now.’ She glanced at her notebook. ‘What about Faye?’
‘No,’ I said quickly, ‘she’s too old and frail, I don’t want to worry her.’
‘But if she understands you as well as you say she does, this is probably a good time to contact her. You really need someone.’
I shook my head again, adamant. ‘No, I don’t want to worry her even further.’
‘Even further?’
‘She’s always worrying about me.’ I waved my hand through the air, brushing off the unease I felt in the pit of my stomach. ‘I’ve learnt that it’s easier to talk as Sophie the successful lawyer and mother to a beautiful girl, and not as,’ I paused, furrowed my brow, ‘not as the other side of me.’
DI Ward gave a small shrug. ‘Anyone else?’
‘I guess there’s Oliver.’ I fumbled in my bag for a tissue but the detective beat me to it and took one out of her own pocket. She appeared to have a never-ending supply.
‘It’s clean.’
I smiled gratefully and took it.
‘Who’s Oliver?’
‘Oliver Dyers. He’s a guy, a friend. We were reacquainted recently. I knew him at university. He looked me up a month ago. I guess I needed someone, I didn’t want to be alone any more.’ I blushed. ‘Though, nothing’s happened, so it’s not like that.’
The detective nodded. I could see her mind ticking over. ‘He just reappears out of the blue?’
‘He wouldn’t take Amy,’ I said firmly. ‘He barely sees his own daughter, Annabel. His ex-wife makes it difficult. He knows how hard it is to live without a child.’
‘Why’s he back then?’
‘Because he says he thinks about me all the time.’
She nodded, stayed quiet for a moment before she said, ‘I’ll want to talk to him too.’
A handful of forensics officers had been and gone. Fiona, the Family Liaison Officer, bustled in with two steaming mugs of tea.
‘Here you go, Sophie,’ the FLO said, handing me a mug. ‘Could be just what you need.’
I pulled a face but thanked her. She handed the other to Oliver who had made his way over to the house immediately after hearing the news.
‘Do you need anything else? I’ll be back in the morning, if you’re OK?’ The woman, a petite mousey-haired woman with speckles of grey, stood in the doorway to the living room and waited for my instructions.
‘No, you’ve been great, Fiona. Thank you.’ I smiled appreciatively. At times, in the last few hours, I had wanted to tell everyone to get out of my house and for everything to return to normal. But I knew that normal wasn’t an option any more, besides which, Fiona was only doing her job.
‘Right you are,’ the small woman said, shrugging on a biker jacket. ‘I’ll be back tomorrow morning then. If not before.’ She smiled at us both. ‘You know, if there have been any developments. Don’t forget you’ve got my mobile number if you need me.’
I nodded. ‘Doing anything nice tonight?’ I wasn’t sure why I tried to make small talk.
If she was surprised by my attempt at friendliness, she didn’t show it. ‘I’ve just got to make dinner, wash Damien’s football clothes. That kind of thing.’ She grinned, forgetting herself. ‘A mother’s work is …’ She stopped, flushing beetroot. ‘Oh, sorry. I didn’t think.’
I waved it off. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
She looked at me, unsure of what to say.
‘Really, Fiona,’ I said, ‘it doesn’t matter. You can’t stop living your life because mine has been turned upside down.’
Fiona patted the doorjamb. ‘Sorry,’ she muttered again. ‘See you tomorrow.’
The door slammed and the house was plunged into a thick silence. Oliver remained perched on the edge of the armchair and waited for me to talk.
‘I’m sorry I called,’ I stated flatly. ‘I know this is all a bit out of the blue.’
‘My god, Sophie. Don’t ever apologise. I’m glad you called. You shouldn’t be alone right now.’ He gazed on me softly. ‘Really.’
I sat on the sofa staring vacantly ahead. Fiona’s cup of tea was quickly going cold.
‘Why do we British think tea will solve everything?’
‘Fiona was just trying to make you feel better. Anyway, it might warm you up.’ He looked at me concerned. ‘You haven’t stopped shaking. I’ve put the heating on and you should eat something soon too.’
I mimicked the situation, ‘Officer, my daughter’s gone missing. Oh dear. Would you like a cup of tea?’ A small giggle escaped my lips and no sooner had it made its way into the world, another one followed, until I was laughing hysterically. Only, when I held my hand up to my face, I realised I wasn’t laughing any more, I was crying.
I wanted to tell Oliver to stop fussing, that he wasn’t my mother. But, on the other hand, I wanted him to take me in his arms and tell me what to do. Because it felt as if my own mind had shut down, I had forgotten how to do the most mundane tasks. Forgotten, or perhaps, couldn’t be bothered. I mean, what was the point in eating, drinking, sleeping when your child was missing? Amy gave me a reason to get up every morning; she made me want to be a better person. Now, she was gone.
‘Do you want to lie down for a bit? Get your energy back?’ He got up; put a hand on my shoulder. ‘You look exhausted.’
‘My daughter is missing. Why would I want a lie down?’ I asked dully.
‘Because you’ve been through a lot today.’
‘I wouldn’t be able to sleep.’ I leant back into the cushions. ‘Oli, where do you think she might be?’
‘I’m not sure, Soph. But we’ll find her.’ Oliver dragged his hand through his hair. ‘I just don’t understand why Paul would lie.’
‘You and me both.’
‘Can you think of any reason? Anything?’ He looked as desperate for answers as I was.
I put my hands over my face. ‘I don’t know,’ I said, tears pricking the back of my eyes. ‘Paul doesn’t want me to get custody but would he go this far? I mean it’s one thing to get at me but another to use our daughter, surely?’ I sniffed. ‘He started telling the detectives about the drinking,