I found myself captivated by this slower, fuss-free way of living. And when my husband and I discussed who should make the ‘big move’ one year later, I was on my way to the airport faster than I could say ‘Jag!’ (me!).
As I settled into Swedish life, I realized that the calm approach isn’t confined to the holidays. At work, it’s normal to set tasks aside regularly and take a fika (a break involving a coffee and a treat of some kind). Children enjoy two extra years of play before starting school (compared to their UK counterparts). And celebrations like Christmas and midsummer are generally scaled-back affairs with a strong focus on being together. In other words, our Nordic friends take their time to do things right – in a wonderful, uncomplicated way.
It was at a dinner party in my adopted hometown of Malmö that I learnt the philosophy behind this way of life.
‘Do you know the word lagom?’ my new Swedish friends asked over dinner. ‘You don’t have a translation for it in English,’ they said proudly.
‘Does it mean “perfect”?’ I ventured.
‘No, not perfect – it’s sort of “just right”,’ they explained, nodding in agreement with each other.
Lagom, pronounced ‘lah-gom’ (‘la’ like ‘far’, ‘gom’ like ‘from’), is an overarching concept that is heavily ingrained in the Swedish psyche. Often loosely translated as ‘everything ‘in moderation’ or ‘not too much and not too little’, lagom is about finding a balance that works for you. Water can be lagom warm. You can work a lagom amount. Trousers can be a lagom fit. It’s a word you can use in almost any context, which is also what makes it fascinating.
Lagom is commonly thought to derive from Viking times, rooted in the term laget om (around the team). It’s said a bowl or horn of mead would be passed in a circle, and it was important that everyone only sipped their ‘fair share’ so there was enough to go round. The Vikings wouldn’t usually be first on my list as a moral compass, but they were certainly on to something. Today, lagom is closely linked to the Swedish cultural and social ideology of fairness and equality. Ferociously independent they may be, but Swedes are also known for working together for the collective good. Taking the ‘right amount’ is a step towards ensuring that no one amasses too much and no one is left wanting.
Whether it’s applied to work, leisure, family and relationships, holidays and celebrations, interior design or living in a way that’s kinder to the planet, the Swedes will often tell you that lagom är bäst – the right amount is best, and moderation is key.
Having said that, there’s definitely a time for excess in Sweden. If you’ve ever been to a Swedish midsummer celebration or drunk a cup of their (exceedingly strong) freshly brewed coffee, you’ll know what I mean. It’s just that they won’t punish themselves with abstinence afterwards. The Swede will simply continue enjoying everything in moderation (until the next celebration comes along!).
By deliberately seeking a more manageable, comfortable, balanced way of doing things (and finding perfection in imperfection), you’re not just taking the pressure off yourself – you’re taking the pressure off others, too. And you’re gaining more of today’s most precious resource: time.
In a world where we’re connected 24/7 and have so much on our plates, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all slow down a little and lead a life with less stress and more time for the things we love?
You are no doubt exercising lagom in many aspects of your life already. However, I hope the ideas in this book will help you think more consciously about introducing lagom in other ways, too; in a way that works for you. By making subtle changes to your everyday routine, you can find greater balance – and make time for the things that matter most in life. Even if it’s just taking time out of your day to enjoy a fika!
Happiness begins at home (or is that charity?). Either way, research shows that our environment affects our stress levels,1 which in turn affects our physical well-being. After all, home is where we start and end our day. And, in my mind, if there’s one area where Swedes have truly triumphed, it’s in the home. The typical Scandinavian home is the very essence of lagom. It’s neither too sparse nor too fussy, neither overly minimalist nor overdone. In other words, Swedes have the balance just right. But how?
When it comes to decor, our Nordic friends exercise a huge amount of restraint. Walls are often white or light grey. Not only do these muted tones brighten the space but they also create a wonderfully serene feel. Nothing brash, nothing loud, no bold patterns – just calm.
Furniture and accessories are carefully thought out, too. New pieces are chosen for practicality as well as aesthetic appeal. Nothing is superfluous, with no frills or over-the-top designs. Single items are set apart to give them breathing space, helping the eye see the beauty in every piece. Ultimately, the home becomes a little oasis, a haven from the busy world outside.
Siebe/Unsplash
CLEAN + CLUTTER-FREE
Generally speaking, Swedes have a natural ability to maintain an uncluttered home. They simply don’t have much stuff and they don’t hoard. If we wish to achieve a simple, balanced lagom way of life, we first need to rid ourselves of all the things that clutter our homes.
Signs you need to de-clutter
+ You have an entire cupboard or room for items you never use.
+ Or, you wish you had an extra room for storing your clutter.
+ It takes you more than five minutes to find something you’re looking for.
+ You feel stressed at the thought of friends coming over (or, worse still, turning up unannounced) because you have so much to clear away first.
+ You own items you neither use nor find joy in.
You may be lucky enough to have a neat and tidy haven already, in which case – congratulations! You’re well on your way to a lagom life (in the home, at least). But if you checked more than one of the boxes above, there’s work to be done.
De-cluttering
Many of us are guilty of owning too much stuff. That cupboard with boxes of photos circa 1984, old mobile phones the size of a brick, keys for the garden shed at your last house. We’ve become a world of hoarders, because, let’s face it, it’s very hard to let go of things. Maybe you bought it because you thought you’d need it at some point. It may still have a price tag on it, and you feel guilty about getting rid of something brand new. Or you may have received a gift or inherited something you know you’ll never use but can’t bring yourself to throw away. No matter the reason, these items are cluttering up your home and having a negative effect on your well-being.
Scientists list distraction, anxiety, guilt, embarrassment and frustration among the negative effects of hoarding. Furthermore, clutter makes it harder for us to relax and inhibits our creativity. Yikes!
Ultimately, de-cluttering is an exercise in willpower and self-control, but it’s certainly not impossible. And it can also be an incredibly therapeutic process. Not only do you experience