The 100 percenters set clear goals and do them, 100 percent! Maybe they miss a little here or there, but essentially they do what they turn their mind to. By contrast, the 70 percenters consistently fall short of their goals. Maybe they set unrealistic goals, maybe for a multitude of reasons they just cannot persevere. But the gap between what they plan to do, what they set as their own personal goals, and what they actually do creates an inner tension. This tension commonly leads to unhelpful emotions like anger, blame, shame or guilt.
Now this latter situation is where help is urgently needed. I often suggest to people that if there is a big gap between what they believe is best for them to be doing and what they are actually doing, they need to treat that situation as if it is a medical emergency. It requires urgent attention. Either the expectations need to be brought into line or the questions of commitment and discipline addressed. To remain with a significant gap or disparity between your beliefs and your actions, between what you believe you need to be doing and what you actually are doing, for any length of time is an invitation to misery and poor outcomes. One way or the other, it needs to be resolved. More on how to do this is coming soon.
Once beliefs and actions are in sync, people invariably do well. Giving 100 percent to what they do has resulted in many people making a full recovery. But perhaps not too surprisingly, even those who give 100 percent and still go on to die of their disease, they do well too. They invariably have a good death. Maybe there is a natural disappointment and a sense of regret about dying itself. But there is no regret about having not done all that was reasonable. There is no guilt or shame. No anger or resentment. They do not die wondering. We will discuss this more in the chapter on death and dying (chapter 18), and no, it is not being “negative” to discuss dying. We will all die one day, so let us plan for a good death. That certainly is possible and perhaps a good death is a testament to a good life, a life lived well.
However, we are focused here on getting well, then living well and dying a long time later! So for those who are keen, we need to observe that positive thinking can be an innate trait or a learned skill. This is more good news. I have seen really pessimistic, “negative” people learn the three simple principles of positive thinking and transform their health. However, before we learn these three principles and clarify how to apply them, there are some really useful preliminaries.
Positive Thinking 101—Choose to Be Positive
We begin our move toward becoming more positive by giving attention to our basic state of mind. The first question is, just how positive are you? Are you content with your current attitudes, or do you need to work at being more positive?
If you already have a positive state of mind, count your blessings. You have the starting point in place to develop the power of your mind more fully.
If you doubt your own level of positivity, or know it to be lacking, the first step is actually one of clear-cut choice. You are either positive or you are not. This may seem somewhat simplistic, but it is a fact: you can choose to be positive, hold that intention, and then follow through with the steps that develop it. This act of choice is a crucial one.
We literally can choose to be positive. It is that simple. This is one of those basic choices in life that can be made consciously. We can decide, we can have the intention to be positive, commit to what is effectively a state of mind we choose, and then carry it through. To do this, the intention needs to be one that is firm and one that we strengthen at every opportunity.
One of the best ways to reinforce this intention to be positive is with the aid of contemplation. Contemplation is a reliable way to think something through in a way that brings clarity of mind, understanding and confidence. To do this, we begin by taking up our usual meditation position and consciously relax the body as normal. Then, instead of aiming for a still mind, we actively think about what positivity means to us. We consider it from every viewpoint. We think of how we would define what it is to be positive, we compare it with negativity, think of positive people we know, think of positive aspects of our own character. Think of why we want to be more positive, why we need to be positive.
A hint here to assist your contemplation. Positive thinking may be as simple as being clear about what you are aiming for and being confident you can achieve it.
As we reflect and contemplate more, we will generate a very comprehensive understanding regarding positivity and what it means. This may take one or more sessions and so we repeat the contemplation until we have thought it through and gained real insight into what being positive means to us, why it is helpful and why we choose to adopt the positive approach.
What If I Do Not Feel So Positive? Use an Affirmation
Be reassured. Many people start this program knowing they are not very positive. Others have been rocked by their diagnosis, had their confidence undermined by all that can be a part of cancer. More than thirty years of experience tells us many people have turned all this around. That is why we learn how to train our mind. That is the joy of using positive-thinking techniques.
So to consolidate and to reinforce our intention to be positive, we use an affirmation. An affirmation is a short statement that accurately reflects our goal, our intention. We will discuss them more in the next chapter, but it will be very useful to begin to build your positivity straight away. The affirmation in this case is: “I am a positive person now.” What we do is to repeat this short statement, this affirmation, over and over until it has been imprinted onto our mind and carries conviction.
Affirmations are wonderful things. They work! By using such simple, positive statements and repeating them regularly, we can condition our thoughts so that they lead on to the actions we intend.
So, when you first get up in the morning, repeat to yourself, “I am a positive person now,” for a couple of minutes. Make time to do it again at least twice more during the day. Especially when driving in the car, say it out loud—even sing it if you like! Adding a sense of fun can be helpful, so put it to different tunes; be theatrical and keep doing it.
What will start to happen quite quickly is that when a new decision needs to be made, you will now have a little voice in the back of your mind saying, “I am a positive person now.” And bingo! To satisfy that inner voice you will make a positive decision! As you become more positive, you see the system work and it becomes that much easier to be positive the next time. As the intended actions are put into practice, the cycle of positivity is completed and all of this will steadily help to build healing and a better life.
You will soon find that you have a new feeling, a feeling of being responsible for your own situation. You will be doing everything because you feel positive about it. You will want to do it; it is your choice. You will feel in control of your situation and you will find that your inner resources will be strengthening and developing rapidly.
You will come to recognize that if you were not positive before, you almost certainly suffered from “victim consciousness.” This is the “Why me?” syndrome, the attitude that leaves people feeling a powerless pawn of random fate that has slated them for doom! It is the most negative and destructive attitude in which you could have become stuck. If you recognize it from your new vantage point of positivity, be gentle with yourself. You are a positive person now. Quietly remind yourself that is not the way you are now. Seek out how you can change those negative aspects and not repeat them again.
You can reasonably expect to have ups and downs, so you need to be prepared to persevere. When you do act positively, congratulate yourself. Quietly, of course! But happily. Reaffirm your new attitude and seek the next opportunity to practice it.
Armed with our positive attitude we are now ready to sort out all the challenges cancer presents and set ourselves clear goals. The next step provides us with a major key with which we can unlock the power of the mind.
The Three Principles of Positive Thinking
Before the details, a short summary of the three principles:
Principle