Self Esteem Bible: Build Your Confidence Day by Day. Gael Lindenfield

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       45 Ensure that your furniture and equipment is taking care of you

      You deserve seats and mattresses that support your back; computers that don’t strain your eyes; cars that are built with safety in mind and smoke detectors that work. Don’t settle for anything less.

       46 Test out alternative therapies and trust the ones that work for you

      In spite of all the scare stories and cynicism from traditional sources of medical help in the West, complementary therapies are increasing in popularity. This is partly because consumers are becoming more assertive and more willing and able to research and experiment with options. Taking this kind of responsibility for your own health care is very good for your self-esteem and it rarely endangers your body. A good way to find out more about what is available is to read alternative health magazines; or even better, try to sample it for yourself. You can usually do this at mind/body/spirit festivals and fairs. They are advertised in the press, in local libraries and on the internet. If you find something that works, or a practitioner you trust, stick by your right to decide what is good for you. Don’t forget to tell your doctor – the best ones are only too pleased to learn from their patients.

       47 Keep a list of favourite re-energizing activities

      When we are overtired and listless, we think negatively. We are inclined to feel powerless and are likely to blame anyone but ourselves for causing our current state. This is when it helps to have some reminders of what we can do almost immediately to revitalize our bodies and spirits – in spite of the pressures from our external world.

      Your list should not include anything that would be difficult to do or to afford. (Otherwise, your negative side will argue you out of action!) Examples of suitable activities could be:

      

A walk or run in the park;

      

A long hot bath;

      

A fast bracing shower;

      

Half-hour of leisurely gardening;

      

A swimming race with a fun friend;

      

A take-away dinner eaten by candle light;

      

A very early night with a great book or a great person!

       48 Beware of treats with a health sting in their tail

      Some rewards and cheer-up treats can leave us feeling worse about ourselves. This is because we know they are bad for us. Obviously, we can all have such treats once in a while, but if we overuse them they will inevitably do us more harm than good. So think twice before giving yourself the following kinds of ‘treats’:

      

The big ‘waster booze-up’ that leaves you nauseous the next day;

      

The cigarette that you know is clogging up your lungs;

      

The double portion of chocolate cake that tanks up cholesterol and calories;

      

The violent film that deprives you of a good night’s sleep;

      

The retail therapy that leaves you with just enough cash for a junk-food supper.

PART 2 PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

       49 Don’t stay too serious

      It is very easy to become over-intense about yourself and life when you are engaged in personal development. In order to change, we have to become highly self-aware and seriously reflective about the life we have given ourselves. At the beginning, as you honestly confront some of the bad decisions you have made and the apparent inadequacies of your character, you may find your self-esteem decreasing rather than increasing. To counter this, you need fun – lots of it. If you are wondering why, just test it out. Try worrying about being good enough while you are laughing uncontrollably, dancing wildly or singing your heart out!

      So don’t hold back because you have been invited to do something just because it seems frivolous or superficial. It might be just the kind of ‘waste of time’ that you need.

       50 View your life as a biographer

      This is a hard exercise to do, but well worth it. Imagine that a biographer had been commissioned to write your life story. Would they see it as a comedy, an adventure story, an inspirational heroic tale, a soap opera or a puzzling conundrum with no satisfying conclusion?

      Now imagine the kind of biography that ideally you would like to be written after your death. Give it a title. It should be one that will sum up concisely the essence of how you would like to be remembered. For example, the subtitle of Tanya Stone’s biography of Princess Diana sums up the essence of her – Princess of the People (Millbrook Press, 1997), as does the subtitle of Vincent Hardy’s biography of Martin Luther King – The Inconvenient Hero (Orbis, 1996). Remind yourself of your book title whenever you are reflecting on your current life and future plans.

       51 Always have at least one treat to look forward to

      Ideally, you should always have one mini-treat each day, a slightly bigger one every week and a bumper one each year. People with low self-esteem rarely treat themselves enough. They wait (and wait!) until they think they really deserve one. Treats are not the same as rewards – you can have plenty of those too. Treats should be considered as simply routine. They are as essential for your mental health as brushing your teeth is for your dental health. So get planning more for yourself.