Karen’s stomach started to crawl up her throat.
No one might have ever noticed it, no one but her. And if she had so much as blinked, turned away for just an instant, it would have been gone.
But it was real. Captured there. No matter how much she might want to deny it!
Charlie’s face.
Karen was staring at her husband.
The morning was clear and bright, the suburban New Jersey road practically deserted of traffic, except for about thirty bikers cruising in unison in their colorful jerseys.
Coasting near the front of the pack, Jonathan Lauer cast a quick glance behind, searching out the bright green jersey of his friend Gary Eddings, a bond trader at Merrill. He caught a glimpse of him, boxed in. The perfect chance! Crouching into a tuck, Jonathan began to pump his legs and weave a path through the maze of lead riders of the peloton. When a path opened up in front of him, he broke free.
Lauer, the imaginary announcer exclaimed in his head, a bold, confident move!
While for the most part they were just a bunch of thirty-something dads sweating off a few carbs on a Sunday morning, privately he and Gary had this game. More than a game, a challenge. They always pushed each other to the limit. Raced each other in the final straightaway. Waited for the other to make the first move. The winner got to brag for a week and wear the pretend yellow jersey. The loser bought the beers.
Calves pistoning, leaning over the handlebar of his brand-new carbon-fiber LeMond, Jonathan built a margin of about twenty yards, then coasted freely into the curve.
The finish line, the bend after the intersection with 287, was a half mile ahead.
Looking back, Jonathan caught a glimpse of Gary trying to free himself from the pack. His blood started to pump, accelerating as the country road turned into a perfect straightaway in the last half mile. He’d moved at the right time!
Pedaling fiercely now, Jonathan’s thighs were burning. He wasn’t thinking about the new job he had started just a few weeks before—on the energy desk at Man Securities, one of the real biggies—a chance to earn some real numbers after the mess at Harbor.
Nor was he thinking about the deposition he had to make that week. With that auditor from the Bank of Scotland and the lawyer from Parker, Kegg forcing him to testify against his former company after taking the attractive payout deal that had been offered him when the firm shut down.
No, all that was in Jonathan’s mind that morning was racing to that imaginary line ahead of his friend. Gary had maneuvered out of the pack and had made up some distance. The intersection was just a hundred yards ahead. Jonathan went at it, his quads aching and his lungs on fire. He snuck a final peek back. Gary had pulled up. Game over. The rest of the pack was barely in sight. No way he could catch him now.
Jonathan coasted underneath the 287 overpass and cruised around the bend, raising his arms with a triumphant whoop.
He’d dusted him!
A short time later, Jonathan was pedaling home through the residential streets in Upper Montclair.
The traffic was light. His mind drifted to some complex energy index play someone had described at work. He was relishing his win and how he could tell his eight-year-old son, Stevie, how his old dad had smoked everyone today.
As he neared his neighborhood, the streets turned a little winding and hilly. He coasted down the straightaway on Westerly, then turned up Mountain View, the final hill. He huffed, thinking how he’d promised he’d take Stevie to buy some soccer shoes. His house was just a quarter mile away.
That was when he spotted the car. More like a large black façade, a Navigator or an Escalade or something with a shiny chrome grille.
It was heading right for his path.
For a second, Jonathan Lauer was annoyed. Hit the brakes, dude. It was a residential street. There was plenty of distance between them. No one else was around. It flashed through his head that maybe he had taken the turn a little wide.
But Jonathan Lauer didn’t hear the sound of brakes.
He heard something else.
Something crazy, his annoyance twisting into something else. Something horrifying, as the SUV’s grille came closer and closer.
He heard acceleration.
Over the next few days, Karen must have watched that two-second clip a hundred times.
Horrified. Confused. Unable to comprehend what she was seeing.
The face of the man she had lived with for eighteen years. The man she’d mourned and missed and cried over. Whose pillow she still sometimes crept over to at night and hugged, whose name she still whispered.
It was Charlie, her husband, caught in an unexpected freeze-frame as the camera randomly swept by.
Outside Grand Central. After the attack.
How the hell can that be you, Charlie …?
Karen didn’t know what to do. Whom she could possibly tell? She went for a jog with Paula out on Tod’s Point, and listened to her friend going on about some dinner party she and Rick had attended, at this amazing house out on Stanwich, when all the while she just wanted to stop. Face her friend. Tell her: I saw Charlie, Paula.
The kids? It would shatter them to see their father there. They would die. Her folks? How could she possibly explain? Until she knew.
Saul? The person he owed everything to. No.
So she kept it to herself. She watched the captured moment, over and over, until she was driving herself crazy. Confusion hardening into anger. Anger into hurt and pain.
Why? Why, Charlie? How can that be you? How could you have done this to us, Charlie?
Karen went over what she knew. Charlie’s name had been on the Mercedes dealer’s transit sheet. They had found the remnants of his briefcase blown apart, the charred slip of paper from his notepad she had received. He’d called her! 8:34. It didn’t make any sense to Karen.
He was there on that train!
At first she tried to convince herself that it couldn’t be him. He would never, ever do this to her. Or to the kids. Not Charlie…. And why? Why? She stared at him. People look alike. Eyes, hopes—they can play crazy tricks. The picture was a little fuzzy. But every time she went back to that screen, replayed the image she had saved for maybe the thousandth time—there it was. Unmistakable. The sweats coming over her. Accusation knifing up in her belly. Her legs giving out like jelly.
Why?
Days passed. She tried to pretend to be herself, but the experience made her so sick and so confused, all Karen could do was hide in her bed. She told the kids she had come down with something. The anniversary of Charlie’s death. All those feelings rushing back at her. One night they even brought dinner up to her. Chicken soup they had bought at the store, a cup of green tea. Karen thanked them and looked into their bolstering eyes. “C’mon, Mom, you’ll be fine.” As soon as they left, she cried.
Then later, when they were asleep or at school, she’d go around the house, studying her husband’s face in the photos that were everywhere. The ones that meant everything to Karen. All she had. The one of him in his beach