‘Why should he still hate you? You saved him, didn’t you?’
‘It’s complicated. There’s so much more you need to know about the moondial and its rules.’ The tears were flowing freely down Jocelyn’s face.
In a reversal of roles, it was now Holly who was comforting Jocelyn. She went to the cupboard and fetched her a tissue. ‘Right,’ Holly said, ‘I’m all ears. Tell me everything. Tell me everything I need to do to change things.’
‘There’s just so much. Where to begin?’ Jocelyn said, almost to herself. She was staring down at the paper tissue in her hands, which she twisted furiously with trembling fingers. ‘There’s the journal, of course. It was given to me not long after Harry bought the dial and it explains as much as anyone has ever learnt about how it works. I haven’t looked at the journal for nearly thirty years, haven’t wanted to. When I left this house, I never wanted to see the dial again or anything to do with.’
It was now Holly’s turn to reach out and steady Jocelyn’s shaking hand. ‘I need to know. I have a five-year plan to keep, remember? How can I become a mum if I don’t live long enough to even hold my baby?’
Holly’s tone was meant to be light-hearted to ease Jocelyn’s sobs, but it simply intensified them. Jocelyn looked up desperately into Holly’s face and shook her head in despair. ‘I’m sorry, Holly, I’m so sorry. I should have destroyed the dial or at least the mechanism. We weren’t meant to meddle with our futures, it’s too much of a burden.’
‘Please, don’t cry,’ soothed Holly, determined not to let the old lady’s fear invade her own thoughts. ‘We have each other now, we can each share the burden.’
‘I want to. Oh, Holly I want to help you, and I will,’ Jocelyn promised between heavy sobs.
Holly stood up and hurried to Jocelyn, who was crumbling before her eyes. She put her arms around her, frightened that her friend might be on the verge of collapsing, or even worse.
‘It’s all right, Jocelyn. I understand, you don’t have to say any more. By my calculation, I’m due to conceive Libby at the end of December, so I’ve still got a good few months to get my head clear and decide, with your help, what I need to do.’
Holly had spoken with a generosity that she didn’t feel. She wanted all the answers and she wanted them now, but she couldn’t put Jocelyn through any more pain, not today at least. Her words seemed to do the trick. Slowly, Jocelyn’s sobs started to subside and her body relaxed a little.
‘I take it you haven’t told Tom?’ sniffed Jocelyn.
‘I couldn’t tell him before because I didn’t know what was really happening and I didn’t want him to worry. I still don’t think I can tell him, not yet at least, not while he’s travelling so much, not until I know everything I need to know.’
‘At least he’ll be home soon,’ Jocelyn said. ‘You just enjoy your time with Tom, and in the meantime I’ll dig out the journal. It’s in one of the storage boxes that I kept at my sister’s house – no room in my flat, you see. Lisa lives there now, so she can help me get to it.’
‘And then?’
‘And then, I promise we will talk. Only next time I won’t turn to jelly. I’m sorry, Holly, I feel like such a wimp, I’ve let you down. I thought I was made of sterner stuff.’
‘You haven’t let me down and you’re the strongest woman I know,’ smiled Holly. ‘And now I have you, this whole thing doesn’t seem so daunting any more.’
‘I’m glad. But please promise me you won’t do anything to try to change your future until we’ve talked things through.’
‘I promise,’ beamed Holly. ‘Well, nothing major anyway. There is just one thing I’d like to sort out.’ Holly picked up a carrier bag at the side of the table and pulled out a pink teddy bear. ‘Can you donate this to the next jumble sale? And make sure it doesn’t go to someone with a child under two. I’d hate it to get into the wrong hands.’
‘Do we have to go out?’ complained Tom. ‘I can see just as much of the outside world as I could possibly want from here.’
Tom and Holly were standing in the middle of their new conservatory. The walls were still bare plaster with delicate swirls of pink and cream. Holly dug her bare toes in the cold, hard concrete and she smiled blissfully. Tom’s voice echoed across the room and chased away the distant sound of early morning birdsong. The room smelled deliciously of dust and stale summer air. Holly was ready to savour every detail, paying closest attention to her husband, who was standing behind her, his bare arms wrapped tightly around her waist.
‘You smell of sweat,’ she told him.
‘Well-earned sweat,’ Tom replied, kissing the back of her neck.
‘Did I say I was complaining?’ she whispered. ‘And yes, we have to go out. You’ve proved perfectly well that you’re over your jet lag.’
‘Hmm, perfectly.’
‘Yes, it was perfect,’ agreed Holly. ‘But we’ve been in the village almost six months now and you still barely know anyone.’
‘As I told you, I can see everything I need to see from here, and I can also see everyone I want to see.’
‘I need to call in at the doctor’s surgery to make an appointment,’ Holly told him, ignoring his wandering hands, which had reached up beneath the T-shirt she had stolen from him. His fingers traced every curve of her stomach before finding a spine-tingling path up between the curve of her breasts.
‘Why, there’s nothing wrong is there?’
‘No, I just think we should both have a pre-baby check-up.’
‘If you want a thorough checking-over, I can always oblige,’ Tom offered.
‘A proper medical check, if you don’t mind. They must have something like that, don’t you think?’
‘Holly, I’m the picture of health and so are you, we don’t need a doctor to tell us that. Besides, I’ve already been having all kinds of medical checks in preparation for my stint in Haiti. I don’t think I could take any more prodding and poking,’ he complained sulkily.
‘If I’m going to start planning a family, I’d like to plan it properly,’ Holly replied sternly.
Since speaking to Jocelyn, she had finally found the strength and the hope to think about her future, and in particular what she needed to do to save herself. In fact, she had thought of little else. The obvious answer would be to avoid getting pregnant in December, which sounded simple enough, but what if the aneurysm she would die of were to happen at another time? And then of course, there was Libby. If she put off conceiving, then she would be erasing Libby from their future. Other children might come along, but they wouldn’t be the daughter she was already falling in love with. Her first plan of attack was to look at reducing the risks of childbirth complications.
‘Couldn’t we just phone up for an appointment?’ Tom pleaded. ‘I do believe there’s a phone in the bedroom.’
‘Morning!’ Billy bellowed cheerfully from outside the conservatory.
Holly pulled her T-shirt down to a respectable inch below her bottom and Tom went to open the conservatory door to greet Billy. They hugged each other like long-lost brothers.
‘Sorry to intrude, but I heard Tom was home and I was just passing,’ explained Billy by way of an apology to Holly.
‘I swear,’ she said, ‘I think Billy misses you almost as much I do when you’re away.’
‘You know you’re welcome any time, Billy,’ Tom told him. ‘You’ve done a great job on the conservatory, I love it.’
‘Aw, thanks, I knew you’d like it. We’ve only got the walls