Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine - Volume 61, No. 376, February, 1847. Various

for it was an old custom at the school to flog a little boy on his first Saturday, before the whole school, by way of example, and to make him behave well. I was horribly frightened at this; but the first thing that struck me, and kept me awake a good while thinking of it, was, how very unjust a thing it was to do this; and I thought so much of this, that I do believe I was at length far more angry than frightened. Of course, when Saturday came, I found it had been all a joke only; but I always thought it a very disagreeable and improper joke." I have several times heard Mr. Smith mention this little circumstance, and I have above given many of his own expressions. He used to proceed to describe the reasonings which he had held in his own mind upon this subject, all which, he said, he vividly recollected; and it was certainly both curious and interesting to hear how he puzzled himself in trying to find out "reasons why it might be right to flog him under these circumstances." Dr. Greenlaw was not slow in discovering the extraordinary abilities of the little new-comer, and used to describe them in glowing terms to his father; but would add that, much as he admired the child's talent and diligence, he entertained a still higher opinion of the little fellow's perfect modesty, his seeming unconsciousness of his mental superiority over his companions, his honesty and simplicity of character, and, above all, his unwavering and inflexible adherence to truth on even the most trifling occasions. Every living friend of his will testify that he was thus distinguished throughout life, exhibiting that

      Compositum jus, fasque animi, sanctosque recessus

      Mentis, et incoctum generoso pectus honesto,

      which the stern moralist4 declared to afford the noblest qualification for approaching the presence of the gods.

      Hæc cedo ut admoveam templis, et farre litabo.

      During this period, namely, from his eighth to his twelfth year, he became passionately fond of writing verses: and I have now before me, kindly forwarded by one of his relatives in Ireland, two small quarto MS. volumes, containing exclusively what he wrote during this period, extending to upwards of seventy or eighty pieces, some of considerable length, and in every kind of English verse. Their genuineness is unquestionable; and I shall quote from them in the state in which they were originally collected at the time, without the alteration of a single letter. Having completely satisfied myself on this point, and I hope the reader also, what will he think of the following evidence of the creative perception of humour professed by a child scarce thirteen years of age? I have transcribed it verbatim. It is prefixed to a satirical poem of some length, entitled "Practical Morality."

      Preface loquitur—

      "Though it may appear to thee, courteous reader, that I have in all ages been considered as a vehicle of fumbling apologies and trivial excuses, a sort of go-between employed by the writer to deprecate the anger of the peruser, in short, the literary servant of all-work, whether my duty be to expatiate on the merits, or apologise for the defects of my master, or (as it often is) to claim the pity and forbearance of the mobile, and set forth in humble terms the degradations he has submitted, and is still ready to submit to,—I say, reader, though a part so servile has been assigned to me, yet, should my natural claims and intrinsic merits be duly considered, different, far different would be my station. What! am I thus exalted in situation above my [sic] situated, (as I may say,) in the very van, exposed to the sneer of every satirical reader and sententious critic? Am I placed in a post so dangerous, and are contempt and humiliation my only reward? O, mankind, where is your gratitude? Think, generous reader, on the services I have so often rendered you: think how often, when you were about to enter upon the stupendous folio, or the dull and massy quarto, four inches at least in thickness, think, O think, how often my timely, though unpromising appearance, has warned you not to encumber your brain with the incalculable load of lumber! With me, then, let the glorious work of reformation commence, restore me to the honour and esteem I so justly deserve. I, for my part, shall still continue to be a spy upon stupidity, and oft shall you receive the reward of your benevolence from my friendly and seasonable admonitions."

"Hezekiah Shortcut,

O tempora! O mores!"

      The poem is in two cantos: the first of which thus opens,—

      Long have I viewed the folly and the sin

      That fill this wicked globe of ours, call'd earth,

      And once a secret impulse felt within

      My bosom, to convert it into mirth;

      But then the voice of pity, softly sighing,

      Hinted the subject was more fit for crying.

      Democritus was once a Grecian sage—

      A famous man, as every one must know—

      But rather fond of sneering at the age,

      And turning into laughter human wo;

      Another sage, Heraclitus to wit,

      Considered it more wise to weep for it.

      I can't determine which of them was right,

      Nor can I their respective merits see;

      The subject, disputation may invite,

      But that belongs to wiser men than me.

      It has already been discuss'd by one,

      A better judge by far (see Fenelon.)

      Verse the twelfth touches upon a topic with which its writer was destined afterwards, for a short time, to be practically familiar.

      How sweet a fee unto the youthful lawyer

      Never before presented with a brief,

      To whose distressing case some kind employer

      Steps in, and brings his generous relief;

      Thus giving him a chance to show that merit

      So long kept down by the world's envious spirit.

      Here is the little practical moralist's advice to the ladies!—

      Ye ladies, list! and to my words attend,

      They're for your good, as you shall quickly see.

      Sit down by the fireside, your stockings mend,

      And never mingle spirits with your tea.

      When you retire at night, put out the candle,

      Discard your lap-dogs, leave off talking scandal.

      When card-tables are set, you must not play

      For ought beyond the value of one shilling:

      This is my firm decree, although you may,

      As ladies mostly are, be very willing.

      I bid you cease, for into debt 't will run ye,

      Do you no good, but spend your husband's money.

      Husbands are fools who let their wives do so,—

      I scarce can pity when I see them ruin'd.

      For when they squander all, they ought to know,

      Destruction is a consequence pursuant.

      When each has turn'd his home into a sad-house,

      He then finds out that he deserves a mad-house.