The Red Acorn. John McElroy

a step of overtaking them when he heard one say, with toss of flaunting ribbons, and hoidenish giggle:

      “Did you EVER see ANY-body wilt as Alspaugh did when old Bite-Your-Head-Off-In-a-Minute was jawing him? It was so awfully FUNNY that I just thought I SHOULD DIE.”

      The sentence ended with the picturesque rapid CRESCENDO employed by maidens of her type in describing a convulsive experience.

      “Just didn’t he,” joined in another. “I never saw ANY-thing so funny in all my BORN DAYS. I was AFRAID to look at either one of YOU; I knew if I DID I would BURST RIGHT OUT laughing. I couldn’t’ve HELPED it—I know I COULDN’T, if I’d’a knowed I’d’a DIED the next MINUTE.”

      “This would seem to be a pretty good time to drop the fellow,” added the third girl, reflectively.

      Alspaugh turned and went in another direction. At the 9 o’clock roll-call he informed the company that the Inspector was well pleased with its appearance on parade.