Archie, a border collie mix that hung around the stable, rested her nose on Bryan’s thigh as though she sensed the boy’s distress and wanted to help. Oddly enough, when the dog had shown up a year or so ago, Bryan had started calling her Archie before he realized the dog was a girl. The name had stuck.
“You okay?” Jay asked.
Bryan lifted his head, his eyes red rimmed. He wiped his nose with his forearm. “What’s all this stuff about her being my guardian?”
Jay wondered about that, too. Paige Barclay seemed the least likely person he knew to take on a half-grown kid. She hadn’t looked too happy about the idea, either. Which couldn’t have made Bryan feel any better.
“Guess your mom wanted to be sure you had somebody to look after you.”
“Not Aunt Paige!” He tossed aside a bit of straw he’d been chewing. “She’s weird. She dresses prissy and doesn’t even know how to ride a horse.”
Jay wouldn’t call the way Paige dressed prissy. More like citified and fancier than folks around Bear Lake dressed, that was for sure, but nice. Appealing to a man’s eye.
“Lots of people don’t know how to ride,” Jay said. Krissy had made a few snide comments about Paige’s disinterest in horses. So why had she chosen her sister to be her son’s guardian? A kid who lived and breathed horses? Made no sense.
“Why can’t Grandpa be my guardian?” Bryan scratched Archie between her ears and got a lick of thanks in return.
“Your mom must’ve had her reasons.” Jay couldn’t figure out what they were. But then, he’d never figured out what Krissy was all about, either. “Maybe she thought Henry was too old.”
“I know what we can do.” The boy pushed Archie away and jumped to his feet. “You can take care of me. You’re not too old.”
Jay did a double take. His heart pounded in his ears. Him? The boy’s guardian? Would that make sense?
“I’m not a blood relative, Bryan.”
“What difference does that make? You like me, don’t you?”
The boy’s agitation and raised voice caused Bright Star to shift away from him. Bryan patted the horse’s rump to reassure him.
“Yeah, I like you fine. But it’s your mom’s decision, not mine.”
“Don’t I get a say? I mean, isn’t there somebody I can tell that I don’t want prissy ol’ Aunt Paige? They can’t make me go off with her, can they?”
“I don’t know, son.” Jay had no idea what the law was about guardianship, but it did seem like Bryan was old enough to speak his mind to a judge or somebody like that. “Tell you what, there’s no reason to panic. Your aunt looked as surprised as you were about your mom’s request. Let’s give it some time, see how everything shakes out.”
“I can tell you one thing.” Bryan stuck out his chin like a prizefighter challenging his opponent. “For sure I’m not moving to Seattle, if that’s what she or anybody else decides. I’m staying right here with you and Grandpa and Bright Star.”
Jay wasn’t sure Bryan would have a choice, but he sympathized with the kid’s situation. The boy’s life was bound to change after his mother had tried to jump a gully that was too wide for the horse to make. She should’ve known better.
Even if Paige wasn’t scared spitless of horses, he sensed she wouldn’t ever do something that foolhardy.
* * *
A tear dropped on the letter Krissy had written to Paige. She’d brought the envelope with the letter to the room which had once been Grandma Lisbeth’s sewing room. Now it served as a guest room with a narrow daybed.
Her fingers shook as she reread portions of Krissy’s final message.
“I always wanted to be like you,” Krissy had written in her swirling, overly dramatic handwriting.
You were so perfect, never getting into trouble like I did. Even when I tried to be good, I messed up. Like the time I dumped all the nails in one bin at the store because I thought that would look neater.
I thought Mom and Dad would love me more if I did something good for a change like you did all the time.
Paige pressed her lips together and her chin trembled as she remembered how furious their father had been. Poor Krissy hadn’t realized nails came in different sizes and were separated for a reason. Neither their mother nor father had given Krissy credit for trying.
Paige had done as usual and made herself invisible in the back room. Why in the world hadn’t she helped Krissy?
Because you were a coward! You didn’t want your parents to be angry with you.
Finally, as time passed, Paige had realized that Krissy had stopped trying.
Paige sniffed and wiped away her tears. “I’m so sorry, Krissy,” she whispered. “I should’ve helped you. I should’ve been a better sister.”
Blinking, Paige continued reading the letter.
I know I used to drive you crazy by following you around. But I wanted to see how you did it, how you never seemed to get into trouble.
That’s what I want for Bryan. I haven’t been a real good mom, but I love my son more than I can ever say.
It just seems like I always want to see what’s around the next bend in the trail, thinking maybe I’ll find the answer I’m looking for somewhere out there. Fact is, I’ve never figured out what the right question is.
If you’re reading this, it means I took a wrong trail and now Bryan really needs you. He needs your stability, the way you have your head on straight, your ambition and your goodness.
I couldn’t give him those things. I don’t know how. But you can. Please, Paige, take care of my son for me. I love him more than anything in the world.
I love you, too.
I know Mom and Dad would want you to do this.
Kristine
Paige gulped down a whole bucket of guilt.
Mom and Dad would want you to do this.
She blew her nose and wiped her eyes. She slipped the letter back into the envelope, which also contained a copy of Krissy’s handwritten will, Bryan’s birth certificate and a record of his vaccinations up to three years ago.
She’d failed her sister. Like their parents, she’d ignored Krissy’s efforts to fit in, to be loved despite the fact she sometimes messed up.
Leaving the envelope on the daybed, she stepped outside onto the side porch from the sewing room.
Her grandfather owned sixty or seventy acres of land, most of it undeveloped. Paige had only explored a small portion as a child.
In the late afternoon rays of sunlight, the new needles on the pine and fir trees glistened bright green. Aspen trees down by the lake, which had shed their leaves for the winter, with the arrival of spring shimmered iridescent flashes of green in the light breeze. Not far away, Paige could hear Moccasin Creek flowing with snowmelt from the mountains that rose above Bear Lake.
Springtime was a wonderful time to be alive and a lousy time to die.
Tears sprang to her eyes again, and her vision blurred. “Why didn’t you tell me all