Yes, she did. She knew so much about him, she thought suddenly, her eyes moving over the firm contours of his face, the deep ocean-blue of his eyes. You didn’t share four years of your life with someone without getting to know all the little things about them. Their pet hates, their passions.
‘I can’t, Jon. I’m sorry. I’ve already eaten.’ That was a lie. She hadn’t been able to face any food tonight because she had been so uptight before she came out. But she wouldn’t spend any more time with Jon than was absolutely necessary.
‘I see.’ He sounded disappointed. ‘I’ll get you that drink, then.’
She watched as he walked to the bar. Then her eyes moved back to the doorway where Frazer had been standing a few moments ago. He had gone. Returned to the party, presumably. The door was closed and the muffled music that filtered through sounded like the kind played when someone was stripping. As it was a stag night, she supposed whatever was going on was typically raucous.
She imagined Frazer leaning against a bar watching some glamorous, curvaceous woman as she peeled off her clothing. For some reason the picture this conjured up was intensely unsettling.
Jon returned with their drinks. ‘So how have you been?’ he asked, taking the seat opposite.
‘Fine. And you?’
‘Great.’ He paused. ‘I was really stunned when I heard you’d moved up here, Emma. Whatever possessed you to bury yourself in a place like this?’
‘I’m really happy here, Jon.’
He didn’t look convinced.
‘I believe congratulations are in order for you and Gina,’ she continued, her manner brisk. ‘I heard that you’ve become a father since I last saw you.’
‘Yes.’ He smiled and took out his wallet, flipping it open to slide a photograph towards her.
She looked at the cute baby, all smiles and dimples, and a part of her heart contracted with pain and regret. ‘She’s beautiful,’ she said honestly. ‘I’m happy for you.’
‘Yes, she’s the light of my life,’ Jon said simply. ‘We called her Bethany. She’ll be one next week.’
Emma smiled and slid the photograph back to him. ‘And how is Gina?’ she asked politely.
‘She’s left me. Our divorce is just about finalised.’
The stark words made Emma sit back in shock. ‘I didn’t know.’
‘She has custody of Bethany, but I’ll have access. We’re just working out the details.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ Emma said softly.
He shrugged. ‘In many ways I suppose we weren’t compatible. Not like you and I.’ Jon’s voice had taken on that husky quality she remembered so well, and his eyes were gentle on her face. ‘I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently, Emma, thinking about what I lost when we parted.’
Alarm bells started to ring inside her. She didn’t know what she had expected to happen when she saw her ex-husband again. She had been prepared to feel pain, regret, maybe, but she had never imagined for one moment he would get sentimental.
‘Jon, I’m a different person now.’ Swiftly, she changed the subject. ‘So, about the location for your film. I took the liberty of bringing a few photographs of my house.’
Before she could pick up her bag to find them, he waved the idea aside. ‘There’s no point in my looking through them now. I’ll come out tomorrow and see the place for myself, take a few of my own photographs with a wide-angle lens.’
He regarded her steadily over his glass of whisky. ‘Strange how fate has brought us together again. If I hadn’t bumped into your old friend Tori I might never have found your hiding place.’
‘I’m not hiding myself away, Jon.’ She frowned. ‘What a strange thing to say.’
‘Is it?’ His blue eyes were piercing in their intensity. ‘I’ve missed you, Emma. I can’t tell you how much.’
The gently spoken words made her heart contract painfully.
‘Stay and have supper with me, Em.’ He leaned across the table earnestly.
‘I’m sorry, I can’t—’
‘I know I hurt you in the past,’ he interrupted her swiftly. ‘And I want you to know how sorry I am.’
‘There’s no need for you to say that, Jon. You were honest with me. You…you wanted a family, and I don’t blame you for that.’ Her voice was little more than a whisper. ‘There was no point in us living a lie.’
‘Except that I feel as if I’m living a lie now, without you,’ he murmured gently.
‘It’s too late for this, Jon.’ She cut across him, her emotions in chaos. His arrogant assumption that she was pining away up here and would easily fall into his arms again offended her. Did he think she was so easy that all he had to do was murmur a few words of regret and she would be his again?
She looked into the deep blue of his eyes. She had loved him, given her heart totally to him. Maybe a part of her had hoped for a while that he would come back to her. But Jon had wanted a family more than he’d wanted a wife. They had sat down quite rationally and discussed the options: fostering, adoption. Jon hadn’t been interested in any of those. It wouldn’t be his own flesh and blood, he had said. So Emma had let him go. What else could she have done?
It hadn’t taken him long to find a new partner, someone who had given him the child he wanted. That had hurt.
Did he think she had been sitting around here waiting for him, her life empty without him? Her eyes narrowed on the handsome features as anger came to her rescue. She had far too much pride to let him think for one moment that her life was empty without him.
‘I think maybe you’ve had a couple of whiskys too many.’ Before he could dispute this, she continued firmly, ‘I asked you up here for a business reason, that’s all. Besides, there is someone very special in my life now.’ She threw the little white lie in for good measure, hoping it would make him keep his distance.
‘Tori didn’t tell me.’ He looked stunned. ‘Is it serious?’
‘Yes.’
‘I see.’ He was quiet. ‘I’ve made a fool of myself, haven’t I?’
‘No, of course not.’ She felt wretched now. ‘Look, let’s just forget this conversation and talk about the film you’re making. That’s why you asked me to meet you tonight after all.’
He didn’t answer her. He seemed shellshocked by her news.
‘Are you going to marry him?’ he asked, ignoring her entreaty.
She hesitated, wondering how far she should take this. Maybe she should say no. But then she might have to weather more talk about the past. ‘Yes, I’m going to marry him,’ she said finally.
Jon’s eyebrow’s rose. ‘What’s his name?’
‘Frazer.’ The name spilled automatically from her lips.
‘I hope you know what you’re doing,’ Jon said tersely. ‘You can’t have known him long. You’ve only been in Scotland a little over a month.’
‘Of course I know what I’m doing.’ Her voice faltered. Did she know what she was doing? She wasn’t a liar. She was a straightforward, honest person. This was wrong. Using Frazer’s name was wrong. But then, no one would ever know, she told herself firmly, and Jon would be gone soon. ‘It’s a secret at the moment,’ she found herself continuing. ‘We don’t want anyone to know until we’ve broken the news to his family. So I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say anything to anyone.’
Jon