But really, all of this was a moot point. Because regardless of the state of their marriage, Matt knew he shouldn’t be trying to make a play for Billy’s wife. He had regrets in his life, but this might be the most asshole-ish thing he’d ever done. Still, Matt had never backed away from what he wanted...and he wanted the hell out of Rachel Kincaid.
“Who else is eating with us?” Rachel asked as she stared at the spread he’d ordered.
“Just us. I ordered all of your favorites. Well, what I remember you ordering in the past, but I didn’t know what you were in the mood for.”
Rachel wrinkled her nose. “I’m a boring creature of habit. I pretty much stick with pizza, pasta or any other carb. This all looks amazing.”
He took a step forward and offered a smile. “You’re not boring,” he corrected. “There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want. I’m the same way. I see something I want, I make it mine.”
Damn it. He needed to calm the hell down. Hadn’t he told himself to get control over his desires?
But saying and doing were clearly two different things because he couldn’t stop himself. Rachel pulled out emotions in him he couldn’t even describe.
Her eyes widened. “Are you talking about food or something else?”
Matt shrugged, forcing himself to take a step back and not get her any more flustered. “We’ll discuss food. For now.”
Rachel moved to the Pack ’n Play and sat Ellie down. The little girl whimpered for a moment before Rachel pulled a doll from the diaper bag on her shoulder. Damn it, why hadn’t he taken that from her?
“Let me help.” He took the bag from her shoulder. “Damn, woman, what do you have in here?”
Rachel straightened and turned. “It’s amazing how one little person can need so many things. Diapers, wipes, butt paste—”
“Pardon?”
She laughed and went on. “I have an extra change of clothes in case of blowouts, food, snacks, toys, pain reliever for her swollen gums...”
“I don’t know if I want any more information about the butt paste and blowouts.” Matt set the diaper bag next to the door. “I’ll fix you a plate. The restaurant downstairs serves some of the best food I’ve ever had and I’ve been all around the world. I ordered their rosemary bread because when I called, they said they’d just taken it from the oven.”
“Well, you clearly know me,” she said with a wide smile that punched him with another dose of lust. “If it’s carbs, I’m in.”
“Do you still have a love for key lime pie?”
Rachel rolled her eyes. “If you mean do I still inhale it like it’s my job, then yes. I don’t even care about the added pounds. Key lime pie is so worth it.”
“You’re still just as stunning as always, Rachel. No pounds could change that.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head. “I’m starting to see why you were the recipient of the most prestigious bachelor title. You’re still quite the charmer.”
He might try to charm other women—well, he didn’t try; he flat-out did charm them. But with Rachel, he wasn’t trying. He always spoke the truth, always wanted her to know her value and how special she was.
If you cared so much, you wouldn’t have let a year pass since seeing her.
“I’ve missed you,” she stated, as if reading his mind. “I miss our friendship.”
Friendship. Yes. That’s the only label their relationship could have, because she was a widow, a single mother and she wasn’t looking to jump back into anything. Honestly, he wasn’t looking to fill the role of Daddy, either, but that didn’t stop the fact he wanted Rachel as more than a friend.
Likely she’d thrown that out there as a reminder, but he dismissed the words. He’d respect her if she flat-out wasn’t interested, but he had to know. He had to know if she was interested in him. He needed to find out if she burned for him as much as he for her. Would she even want to attempt anything physical knowing he wasn’t ready for anything more?
Why did this all have to be so damn complicated? Oh, right. Because he’d spent years building and attempting to ignore these emotions.
“I’d better eat before she starts fussing,” Rachel told him as she went to take a seat. “There’s always a small window of opportunity and I rarely get warm food because I feed her first.”
Matt urged Rachel toward the table and pulled her chair out. “If she fusses, I’m sure I can hold her and entertain her while you finish, or I can feed her. Regardless, you are eating right now while it’s warm, and there will be no arguments.”
Rachel looked up at him and quirked one brow. “You ready to play Uncle Matt?”
Ouch. That stung. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to be called...then again, he hadn’t given it much thought. He was having difficulty processing much of anything with that creamy shoulder of Rachel’s on display and her familiar floral fragrance teasing his senses.
“I win over billion-dollar mergers before breakfast,” he joked. “I’m pretty sure I can handle a little person.”
Rachel snorted. “Don’t get too cocky. It’s harder than it looks.”
“I never doubted that for a minute,” he corrected. “Now eat. There’s plenty.”
Once she took a seat, Matt eased it closer to the table. He immediately started filling her plate with rosemary bread and Alfredo over penne and chicken, then filled her glass with pinot grigio.
“You put all of this together pretty quick considering you just asked me today.”
Matt set her food in front of her before taking a seat across the table. “Just a few calls and the right connections. Why wouldn’t I go all out for a friend I haven’t seen in a year?”
Her stare leveled his. “I’d think a cup of coffee or a stroll in the park would’ve sufficed.”
Matt reached across the table and squeezed her fingers. Her eyes immediately darted to their joined hands. “You have every right to be angry with me.”
“I’m not angry,” she retorted.
Matt raked his thumb across the silky ridge of her knuckles before easing back. He noticed she didn’t wear her wedding band any longer and part of him swelled with approval and excitement.
“Hurt then. You can’t lie to me, Rachel. Billy’s death did something to both of us.”
Like the fact he couldn’t be the one to console her. He simply...damn it, he couldn’t. He’d wanted too much for too long so he’d had to let her go and pray someone else offered the comfort she needed. Because if he’d had to hold her day after day, night after night until her pain had eased...
“I was hurt,” she admitted. “I still am, actually. Care to tell me why you just disappeared?”
“I texted.”
Such a lame defense, yet the words left his mouth before he could stop himself. Out of everything and everyone in his life, Rachel was the one he’d barely been able to control himself around.
“I don’t really want to dredge up the past right now. I want answers from you, but let’s not do it tonight.” She picked up her fork and offered a typical dimpled smile. “Billy was a big part of my life, but I’ve worked hard at moving on. I’m trying