Lucky to be alive. Maybe if she kept repeating the words she would believe them. Because right now life pretty much sucked.
“There is another option,” Cullen said.
Her gaze jerked to his. The room tilted to her left as if she were standing in a mirrored fun house. She closed her eyes. She must have walked too far earlier. When she opened them everything was back where it belonged, and Cullen was staring at her with his intense gaze.
She swallowed the lump of desperation lodged in her throat. Anything would be better than a nursing facility. “What other option?”
“Come home with me to Hood Hamlet.”
Her mouth gaped. The air rushed from her lungs.
“I have Wi-Fi,” Cullen continued, as if that made all the difference in the world. “I promise you won’t be bored.”
No, she wouldn’t be bored. She would be struggling to survive and keep her heart safe.
Here at the hospital, people came in and out of her room. She and Cullen were never alone for long. He left each night to go to his hotel. What would it be like if it were only the two of them?
Dangerous.
Sarah tried to speak, but her tongue felt ten sizes too big for her mouth, as if she’d been given a shot of Novocain at the dentist’s office. But she knew one thing… .
Going home with Cullen was a bad idea. So bad she would rather move into the SNF and die of boredom or stay in the hospital and die of starvation or go live in a cave somewhere with nothing but spiders and other creepy-crawly things for company.
Having him here made her feel warm and fuzzy. Taking walks reminded her of how comfortable they’d once been together. But she couldn’t rely on him to be her caretaker. She’d been vulnerable before they’d separated. She would be totally at his mercy in his care. If she found herself getting attached to him, or worse, falling in love with him all over again…
He would have the power not only to break her heart, but shatter it. She couldn’t allow that to happen.
Cullen wore a digital watch, but he swore he heard the seconds ticking by. He braced himself for Sarah’s rejection. He’d offered her a place to recover, but she’d reacted with wide-eyed panic, as if she was about to be sentenced to life in prison.
Stupid. Cullen balled his hands with a mix of frustration and resentment. He should never have made the suggestion. But she’d looked so damn miserable over the idea of the SNF, he’d had to do something. A good attitude was important in a patient’s recovery. He didn’t want her to experience any setbacks. Skilled nursing facilities had their role in patient recovery, but Sarah was better off elsewhere. He knew that as a trained physician. He knew that in his gut.
But no one was going to step up and offer Sarah an alternative. No one except him.
And she hadn’t even cared. At least not according to her anything-but-that reaction.
Might as well get the word sucker tattooed on him. He’d let their pleasant walks and hand-holding soften him up.
A buzzing sound disturbed the silence.
Dr. Marshall checked his pager. “I have to go. Tell the nurse your decision and have her relay it to me and the discharge planner.”
The surgeon strode out of the room without a glance back.
The minute the door shut, the tension in the air quadrupled. Cullen had faced challenges working as a doctor and as a mountain rescuer, but he’d never felt more out of his element than standing here with his wife, a wife who didn’t want him for a husband. Not that he wanted her, either, he reminded himself.
Sarah toyed with the edge of her blanket. Her hands worked fast and furiously, as if she were making origami out of cloth.
The silence intensified. Her gaze bounced from her cast to the colorful bouquet of wildflowers from MBVI to everything else in the room. Everything except him.
Hard to believe that at one time they were so crazy about one another they couldn’t keep their hands or lips off each other. Now she couldn’t bear to look at him.
He hated the way that gnawed at him. Time to face the music, even if a requiem played. “I’m only trying to help. Give you another choice.”
“I’m surprised you’d want me around.”
Her words cut through the tension with the precision of a scalpel. He was about to remind her she had been the one to ask for the divorce, but held his tongue because she was right. He didn’t want her around because she messed with his thoughts and his emotions, but he had to do the right thing here, whether he liked it or not. “I want you to recover. Get you feeling better and back on your feet in the shortest amount of time possible. That’s all.”
She studied him as if she were trying to determine what type of volcanic rock he might be. “That’s nice of you.”
Her wariness bugged him. “We’ve been getting along.”
Her lips parted. She pressed them together, then opened them again. “It’s just…”
He hated the hurt lying over his heart. “Would it be that awful for a few weeks?”
“No, not awful,” she admitted. “Not at all.”
Her words brought a rush of relief, but added to his confusion. “Then what’s the problem?”
“I don’t want to be a burden.”
A burden was the last label he’d use for her. “You’re not.”
“You’ve put your life on hold this past week.”
“I won’t have to do that when I’m in Hood Hamlet. I can get back to work and my mountain-rescue unit.”
Sarah moistened her lips. “I didn’t think I was supposed to be alone.”
“Friends have offered to help.”
Her gaze narrowed. “So you won’t be around that much?”
“I work twelve-hour shifts at the hospital. The rescue unit keeps ready teams stationed on the mountain in May and June.”
“Oh.”
That single word didn’t tell him much. He rocked back on his heels. “So what do you think?”
“I appreciate the offer.”
“But—?”
Sarah squinted. “I…I don’t know.”
Her uncertainty sounded genuine. He had expected to hear a flat-out no.
She sank into her pillow. “Is it something I need to decide right now?”
“Dr. Marshall wants you to tell the nurse your decision. Arrangements have to be made if you choose a SNF.”
She rubbed her thumb against her fingertips.
“Attitude plays a role in healing,” he continued. “Hood Hamlet will be better for you in that regard.”
“Give me a minute to think about it.”
Cullen didn’t know why she needed more time or why he was trying so hard to convince her. Yes, he wanted to do the right thing, but her decision changed nothing. If she refused his offer, the next time they saw each other…They wouldn’t be seeing each other unless she challenged the divorce terms. The way it would have been if she hadn’t had her accident.
The bed dwarfed her body, making her look small and helpless. Strange, given she was the strongest women he knew next to Leanne Thomas, a paramedic and member of OMSAR.
Sarah grimaced.
Two long strides put him at the side of her bed. “Your head.”