She swallowed, chilled by the sudden puff of cool air preceding the dark cloud coming down the river. Goose bumps shivered up her arms and she folded them around herself as thunder rumbled low, still miles away. Even though the sky directly above was blue, the water seemed discolored and white caps dotted the surface.
“Yes, it looks that way,” she managed to reply.
He held out a brown paper bag. “I know I hijacked your lunch break, so I grabbed something on the way.”
Shannyn stared at the bag, recognizing the familiar logo. “You didn’t.”
A smile crept up his face and she realized it was the first time he’d really smiled at her, a smile that connected. It moved from his lips and thawed the ice in his eyes as he admitted, “Of course I did. You can’t get a hamburger like this overseas, heck, not even in Edmonton. And I brought lots of napkins.” He held out his other hand, revealing the white stack.
He led her up the steps to one of the benches that lined the perimeter of the lighthouse, then reached into the bag and handed her the foil-wrapped sandwich. “I got extra cheese on yours.”
Shannyn smiled back, secretly pleased that he remembered another one of her favorites. She hadn’t had one in ages. Sliding the foil pocket back slightly, she took her first bite and sighed in appreciation at the juicy beef and tang of the condiments.
“Mmm.” She let the sound vibrate through her lips as she swallowed and put the sandwich down on her lap. “I haven’t had one of these in a long time.”
“We used to eat a lot of them, way back when.”
She used her napkin to dab at her lips; it was a tasty but messy business. She wrinkled her eyebrows. She was surprised he’d made such a casual reference to their past after the resentful tone of their last meeting. For a brief moment as their eyes caught and held, she got that tumbling in her stomach, a lifting and turning that she’d almost forgotten. Perhaps it was brought on by nostalgia of what had been, but not completely. Part of it was a pull to the man beside her now. Tall and strong and more than a little enigmatic. A man who made her wonder what was simmering underneath.
“Yes, we did,” she responded, the words coming out slightly breathy.
“It was a good summer.”
That summer had changed her life. And not just because she’d gotten pregnant. But because it was the first—and only—time she’d been in love.
They’d met through mutual friends at an outdoor concert in Officers’ Square. Right away she’d been attracted to the lean, dark-haired boy who seemed to have so much energy.
They’d started dating, and things had progressed rapidly. It had been a whirlwind, magical.
But the young man who had captivated her heart and enjoyed life to the full and made her laugh, was gone. She supposed they’d both grown up. But his smile and the brief memory took her back. Made her wonder what it would take to bring that smile back again.
She watched him as they ate for a few minutes in silence. He was more relaxed right now. Perhaps it would be a good time to get some answers to her questions. And not just for Emma. For herself. She wanted to know what had happened in the years since that summer. What made him tick. When her curiosity got the better of her, she asked the question that had been plaguing her.
“What have you been doing the past six years?”
His chewing slowed. He looked away as he admitted, “I made Special Forces. I was there until nearly a year ago.”
“Where were you stationed?”
“I moved around a lot. Wherever I was needed.”
“You won’t tell me.”
He looked back at her then, and she realized the soldier was once again in control. “I can’t tell you. Sometimes I was sent with a regular Recce platoon.”
He saw her confusion and elaborated. “Reconnaissance. We’d offer support to operations, that sort of thing. Other times…” He paused, his gaze slipping from hers again. “It doesn’t matter now, anyway. Those days are gone.”
Shannyn folded her hands and watched his head turn away from her. She got the feeling it mattered a great deal. “It changed you, Jonas.”
“Being in combat changes everyone.” He still refused to look at her, instead appeared to be people watching.
She didn’t know why he felt the need to generalize everything so much. “I’m sure it does. But I’m interested in how it changed you.”
“Why?”
Ah, a question with several answers, some she’d acknowledge, some she wouldn’t. She picked the only one that was relevant. “Because you are Emma’s father.”
Whatever was left of his lunch he wrapped up and put back in the bag.
“Whatever it was I thought I knew that summer, I was wrong.”
“Wrong how?”
He balled up the bag and got up, taking a small hop on his good leg to right himself before depositing everything in the trash can. “I was full of myself and what I was going to do. I was indestructible. I thought I knew everything.” He sighed heavily. “And I really had no idea.”
“You hardened.” Shannyn held her breath waiting for his response. She could sense his stubborn withdrawal and couldn’t help but see the resemblance between him and Emma, especially now when he seemed so unhappy. His lips seemed fuller; the bow shape of his mouth so much like her daughter when she’d had a rough day at school or got overtired. He’d passed on his fair share of traits whether he knew it or not, and it drew her to him. How could she hate the man who had given her such a precious gift?
When his answer came it was not what she expected.
“I know I’ve probably seemed hard and demanding. I’m sorry. I’ve lived in a world where you give and receive orders.”
The small confession touched her. “You don’t smile anymore. Or at least not like you used to.”
His eyes pierced her and she wondered if he was trying to see her thoughts.
“You’ve changed, too. You’re cautious. Reserved. And for what it’s worth, you don’t smile much, either.”
“Maybe we just don’t smile at each other.” It was out before she could think about what she was saying, and she bit her lip.
“Perhaps we should try.” He sat down again at the table. “I’m trying to look past my resentment of you for lying to me. For Emma’s sake. What did she say when you told her?”
Another gust of cold air hit them, and Shannyn brushed a piece of her hair away from her face, lowering her eyes. The thunder that had been creeping up the river rumbled closer, and the first lightning pierced the gray sky.
“I didn’t tell her.”
“You what?”
His earlier geniality evaporated. The hard edge of his voice was matched only by the thunder that boomed. The first cold droplets hit her skin, and Shannyn looked at the path of the storm. She could only see perhaps half a kilometer away; farther than that was a gray curtain of rain.
“We’ve got to get inside,” she exclaimed, thankful for the temporary diversion.
“Are you kidding?” Everyone who’d been outdoors was suddenly scrambling for shelter. The lighthouse, really a museum, was already filling up with tourists. “My truck’s parked on the street. We can make it if we run.”
Heavy drops of rain marked the path as they jogged toward his pickup. Jonas reached the vehicle first and unlocked her door before running around the hood to the driver’s side and clambering in just as the skies opened